I'm very new to this...I don't know too much about it (the site). I guess I came here for a little help and I was wondering if any of you had some much needed advice. I’m not going to give you my life story here but you might get the idea as I tell you my current situation now. I am 15 years old about 2 years ago before I met my boyfriend I tried to kill myself. Every single night I thought about death and I would lie in my bathtub and cry myself to sleep. I was dealing with some very bad depression, which I had had since I say about 8 or 9, maybe even earlier, because of the family problems. The day I met my boyfriend it’s almost like someone had pulled me away from the darkness I just became so happy and I was always smiling but the catch was….I met him on the internet. We would talk every single day and when we started talking on the phone it was like I had finally found the one person who knew what I was going through, he was more like my best friend at the time. Time went on and I told my family at first that he used to go to my school at the local youth group they bought it for a while but as time went on they soon discovered the truth (about a 1 ½ ago). Of course I was told I was no longer permitted to talk to him, I was utterly devastated and I just couldn’t just give what I called my best friend up like that. Time goes on and family issues progress and I keep my contact with him. Every time I talked to him I would slowly get things taken away and I still didn’t care I would still call him, my mom got so angry at me once she pulled me by my hair down three flights of stairs and my father literally took my by my neck and pushed me down the stairs while basically choking me, screaming what I was doing wrong. I have moved out since those events and I was to scared to report them because of my younger brother and sister (my mom and dad have been trying to keep it together for us, they don’t believe in divorce, but its so much worse them being together) , about 3 months ago and now I live with my grandparents and its like living hell for me, I mean I love them so much but its in the country and I home school so I’m so lonely and I cant talk to my boyfriend, or anyone for that matter(no cell phone or MySpace) anymore which whom is still my best friend and every time I go to my parents its so stressful my baby sister keeps asking me when I'm coming home and she’s like a daughter to me, I was the first one to hold her, I was the one to take care of her. And my dad keeps bothering with all his problems, he doesn’t have a job and my mom wont get one she’s so lazy, and he got arrested a month ago for some issues and he’s me telling me that he might get taken away for a really long time, and that I’m his baby doll and his first born and its so hard for him to know that I hate being at my own house. And me not being to see any of my friends literally I see them maybe once every 2 or 3 months (and I used to have allot of friends, I’m not one to be antisocial) and not being to even talk to my boyfriend, its killing me I’m beginning to cry myself to sleep at night and thinking suicidal thoughts again and I don’t have anyone to talk to about all this stuff!!!& on top of that I mean I’ve been trying to get things progressing I have been saving money to buy my own phone for two months and noted* I’m 15 I don’t have any income my grandparents don’t give me money EVER and neither do my parents and I finally got $100 but I had to sell my most valuable things I own, and return things that I desperately needed (shampoo, conditioner yano girl stuff) I don’t have allot of them, obviously and someone stole my money!!!!! I take a step forward and ten steps back. I know everyone has problems and I’m not trying to be a baby I mean I don’t talk to anyone about all these problems, not even my boyfriend and when we do talk and I’m kind of down in the dumps he seriously gets mad at me but I don’t know what to say to him!!!! I’m just so lonely and……please someone help me I feel so hopeless……
Welcome to HealingWell.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I know you said you did not want to report the abuse you received from your Mom and Dad because of your siblings. Think about how they are being raised and the abuse they may go through as long as no one says anything to Social Services or their school counselor.
May I ask who is home schooling you. I know each state has different rules re home schooling.
Do you attend a church where you might meet some friends or go to socials? Just a random thought, you do not have to answer if you choose not to
Remember you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself. You are a good person so hold your head up high and know you will make it through this rough time.
Do you have access to a physician as you really need to talk to a professional re your self harming. That will also give you someone to talk to about your home life.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Hi Maria, I read your post and it sounds like your home situation is very harmful to you. Who is home schooling you? Is it your Grandmother? Is there a school in the area you can attend? If not, I think you need to get in touch with your church or find a church that has a pastor who can help you. You may need help from a social services agency. You have been abused by your parents and your grandparents don't sound like they are very caring. I know this may sound difficult to you but you might be better off in a foster home for a while where you can get good care and you can attend school on a regular basis and make some friends. You are much too young to be put into such a bad living situation. Try to get some help for yourself and keep posting so we know how you are doing. Someone in authority needs to know what is going on in your home. Your sister could eventually be at harm too.Try to take care of yourself and let us hear from you.
Maria, I am glad to learn that your grandparents are good to you. You need someone to care about you. Unfortunately, when people get older they often don't understand a young person's problems. You said you go to a small church which means there is a pastor or minister of some type. Can't you go to that person and ask for help? Maybe they can help you out with finding a therapist. You can also look in the phone book for listings of therapists. If they can't help you they can at least let you know of a state agency you can contact who will help you. You need to be around people your own age and have friends. I know none of this is easy to do but you have to put in a little effort yourself in order to get some help. I really feel you need help with your situation. There is a national depression hotline you can call and I believe it is anonymous. You could try calling and telling them your situation and see if they can refer you to some help. I am very concerned about you and want to see you live a happier life. I don't know if I am allowed to give you a phone # but maybe one of the moderators can give you some links to help with websites and phone numbers.
Post Edited (getting by) : 11/1/2008 5:14:20 PM (GMT-6)
Maria, I am glad to hear you do have friends. And you of course have a computer otherwise you wouldn't be on here. Can you keep in touch by email with your friends? That might ease some of the lonely feelings you have. Also, if you spoke to your grandma about possibly seeing a friend once in a while do you think she would let you do it? When I was a kid my grandma always gave me chocolate bars and my mother strictly forbid us to have any sweets. So sometimes grandmas can be understanding and help you out. I know you probably don't want to defy your parents rules but what harm can there be to have friends? Is there any way you can have a talk when your mom is in a rational mood? Maybe you can get her to see things more clearly. Ask her about what she did when she was 15. Karen's idea of searching the internet is a great idea. You just have to type in a word or two and you will get all kinds of information. My heart aches for you. I only want what is best for you and to see you have a peaceful life.
I will talk to my grandparents about another counselor, and yes I do communicate with 3 of my friends (that includes the boyfriend) but still I'm not supposed to be talking to him through anything and if I got caught my life would crash I can't lose their trust it's the only thing I have. I have tried to ask my grandparents if they mind me going to the mall or movies but two problems. One: No money and they won't let me do chores for money, I HAVE NO CLUE WHY, they are financially comfortable. Two: My parents say "No" . Simple, and if my parents say no, my grandparents listen to them. Strictly.
& about the talking to people at church thing. Ok to be honest here I am Completely not comfortable with that….the pastor just creeps me out and we end up having a different pastor every week anyway because the official pastor is having medical issues.
True I am grateful that I have them. I am doing quite well in my homeschooling.....not to great in Spanish though I have a 29% but there expecting me to do at least 4 hours of work a day (I enrolled 3 weeks late) but in every thing else I have high A's. :) I've never been an A student before, so that makes me feel "special". I’m glad you understand how I feel in a sense, a little of “I’m being isolating” feeling. Also I’d like to thank you all very much, especially Karen, you have been very kind and since I joined and can honestly say you have made my day better I even smiled this morning because of the comfort of knowing that people care=)
That is true, they don’t like my friends but the thing was I was stupid to share with them what my friends have gotten into, “bad situations” I was only trying to be honest with my parents and by me doing that It seems i've lost them. I was known to get into serous trouble before I skipped class allot in jr. high but that was it i’ve never smoked or gotten drunk never gotten high or any of those things. I think that too. If I stay consolidated for a long period of time I start to think “those thoughts”.
& thank you =)
This is Kitt. Thank you so much for explaining to all of us how you feel and know that we care.
Parents must ensure that our teen knows that he or she is loved and valued as an individual at home. You did not receive that and IMHO you have been cheated out of the guiding love of your parents. It is not your fault. You are a good and kind daughter who happens to have parents that have some serious issues.
Have you ever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." That is false. Words indeed can be very hurtful. They lower your self esteem as you start to believe that you must be pretty awful to be treated the way your parents have treated you.
Here is one number you should keep and use it when you need to for yourself or your siblings. Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200
I would feel a lot better if you connected with your local Child Protective Services.
I am very proud of your school grades, let your studies help you now. Maybe your grandparents would let you invite some friends over just to hang out and visit on the week end.
AS you can see everyone here cares about you and your welfare. Stay connected to us.
Many gentle Hugs