please help me......

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avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 10/31/2008 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi everyone,

 

I'm very new to this...I don't know too much about it (the site). I guess I came here for a little help and I was wondering if any of you had some much needed advice. I’m not going to give you my life story here but you might get the idea as I tell you my current situation now. I am 15 years old about 2 years ago before I met my boyfriend I tried to kill myself. Every single night I thought about death and I would lie in my bathtub and cry myself to sleep. I was dealing with some very bad depression, which I had had since I say about 8 or 9, maybe even earlier, because of the family problems. The day I met my boyfriend it’s almost like someone had pulled me away from the darkness I just became so happy and I was always smiling but the catch was….I met him on the internet. We would talk every single day and when we started talking on the phone it was like I had finally found the one person who knew what I was going through, he was more like my best friend at the time. Time went on and I told my family at first that he used to go to my school at the local youth group they bought it for a while but as time went on they soon discovered the truth (about a 1 ½ ago). Of course I was told I was no longer permitted to talk to him, I was utterly devastated and I just couldn’t just give what I called my best friend up like that. Time goes on and family issues progress and I keep my contact with him. Every time I talked to him I would slowly get things taken away and I still didn’t care I would still call him, my mom got so angry at me once she pulled me by my hair down three flights of stairs and my father literally took my by my neck and pushed me down the stairs while basically choking me, screaming what I was doing wrong. I have moved out since those events and I was to scared to report them because of my younger brother and sister (my mom and dad have been trying to keep it together for us, they don’t believe in divorce, but its so much worse them being together) , about 3 months ago and now I live with my grandparents and its like living hell for me, I mean I love them so much but its in the country and I home school so I’m so lonely and I cant talk to my boyfriend, or anyone for that matter(no cell phone or MySpace) anymore which whom is still my best friend and every time I go to my parents its so stressful my baby sister keeps asking me when I'm coming home and she’s like a daughter to me, I was the first one to hold her, I was the one to take care of her. And my dad keeps bothering with all his problems, he doesn’t have a job and my mom wont get one she’s so lazy, and he got arrested a month ago for some issues and he’s me telling me that he might get taken away for a really long time, and that I’m his baby doll and his first born and its so hard for him to know that I hate being at my own house. And me not being to see any of my friends literally I see them maybe once every 2 or 3 months (and I used to have allot of friends, I’m not one to be antisocial) and not being to even talk to my boyfriend, its killing me I’m beginning to cry myself to sleep at night and thinking suicidal thoughts again and I don’t have anyone to talk to about all this stuff!!!& on top of that I mean I’ve been trying to get things progressing I have been saving money to buy my own phone for two months and noted* I’m 15 I don’t have any income my grandparents don’t give me money EVER and neither do my parents and I finally got $100 but I had to sell my most valuable things I own, and return things that I desperately needed (shampoo, conditioner yano girl stuff) I don’t have allot of them, obviously and someone stole my money!!!!! I take a step forward and ten steps back. I know everyone has problems and I’m not trying to be a baby I mean I don’t talk to anyone about all these problems, not even my boyfriend and when we do talk and I’m kind of down in the dumps he seriously gets mad at me but I don’t know what to say to him!!!!  I’m just so lonely and……please someone help me I feel so hopeless……


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 11/1/2008 1:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maria,

I'm not a depression moderator - I moderate another board - but I just wanted to step in and ask you to please hang in there. You've posted at a quiet time on the forum. I hope that more people will be along in a few hours to give you some support.

I am concerned to hear how lonely and isolated you sound. It sounds as if you have been separated from most of the people you hold dear, and don't have much opportunity to make new friends. Are there any social activities that you can / are allowed to participate in while you are living with your grandparents?

I am also very concerned to hear about the violence you've experienced at home. Maria, I'm not in America so can't offer you much advice on social support services, etc, but will you please hang in there for just a little bit longer? The depression moderators are lovely, and I'm sure they'll be able to give you the support you need.

Keep breathing until then, and hang in there,

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 11/1/2008 2:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Maria,

It isn't wrong, stupid, or whatever to talk about your problems. In fact, I am proud of you for doing so. Talking about what is bothering you can be such a great help, for you because of the relief you get from telling and venting, and you won't get much help from others when they don't see that you are having problems. For years I was waiting for that person to show up and get me out, but of no use. When I finally had the guts to tell about my depression, I came to know that most of the people around me though I was an upbeat person, rather than hopeless. Talking also got me out.

Like Ivy (thanks the help!), I don't live in the States either, so I have no idea what is going on with the social support. But that detail will be spoken of, since there are a lot of people here that do know how it works. But I think it will be good for you if you can visit a counsellor. They can be a great support to you in the hard times.

I really don't know whether I should say this, since it might sound like I don't care, while I do. You may not get the point, which is OK, since this isn't an absolute truth or so, just my thoughts. Let's think of a football match. The fans of the winning team will be happy, the fans of the losing team won't. And the outcome won't affect some. You can't say the football match contains any emotional value, because if it would, everyone would be affected in the same way. If it was a positive match, everyone should be happy. However, they aren't, so it is safe to conclude that happiness comes from within as a reaction to a certain situation. Happiness that comes from within means that there is a person with great influence on it, you. Someone can change the way they react to a certain event. Knowing and believing in this can be a help, since it means you choose your own happiness. It doesn't depend on someone else, something else. No, you already have it in you, you just need events to trigger it. As you can change the way you perceive a situation, it is in fact possible to change every situation into something positive.

I know this might sound plain stupid, too easy, wicked hard, or whatever. Anyway, I thought I'd share it, since it helped me a lot. Just by being aware that positivity is there in every situation, and believing in it, causes me to see a lot more positivity in the world. And as with everything, the more you practise, the better you get at it.

All the best Maria, and please take care!!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 11/1/2008 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maria,
In every moment of our lives we have both good and bad things happening at the same time, it depends on which we focus on that determines our outlook, the good stuff is easy to slip out of, the bad, we seem to fall and fall, and there seems little way out, at least in the short term,
I met a girl a few years ago who was experiencing something similar to you, her way out was to write poems, i read her little book of poems, the first one began a little dusty, but as i flicked through the pages, it became more and more beautiful, until she had something she could be proud of, something in which she could give to reach out and touch others,
Through these lines of words she wrote, she challenged the bad, and in a little while, all the bad fell away to where it no longer bothered her.

I am not saying you should write poetry, rather find something to fill up your mind, something you would like to do, and something you can do for nothing, and hey, there are people out there making a fortune painting pictures using oils they get from their back yard.

Try to look forward to your life, rather than plan it, often what we think we want, is more a barrier to what we really want, at 15 you have a long road of discovery, and in a few years you may just look back and think, wow, what happened then, led you to something great and wonderful, and there are many great and wonderful things out there, just take a look up at a starry night sky, and right before you, for free, you have the greatest movie ever made

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 11/1/2008 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi maria,
Welcome to HW. We are here to listen...not judge..so let it out okay? We get it!!
Hugs, Meg
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
 


panic queen
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 11/1/2008 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
h i,
 For such a young lady, you sure have alot on your shoulders right now. ((hug))
 Hang in there.....
 I believe that you need somone who you can talk to. I am sure at school they have student services, they would be able to direct you to some free programs for yourself.
 If for some reason you don't want to try the student services route, how about a church? They also have good resources that they can help. Don't worry about not being a member ect...just go and talk with someone.
Try not to focus on what you can't do, but what you can. :)
Stinkin thinkin can bring you down.
 You are also able to post here, there are many people who have been to where you have, and do understand....
 
L

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/1/2008 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Maria,

Welcome to HealingWell.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I know you said you did not want to report the abuse you received from your Mom and Dad because of your siblings.  Think about how they are being raised and the abuse they may go through as long as no one says anything to Social Services or their school counselor.

May I ask who is home schooling you.  I know each state has different rules re home schooling.

Do you attend a church where you might meet some friends or go to socials? Just a random thought, you do not have to answer if you choose not to :-)

Remember you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself. You are a good person so hold your head up high and know you will make it through this rough time.

Do you have access to a physician as you really need to talk to a professional re your self harming. That will also give you someone to talk to about your home life.

Bless you

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 11/1/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to welcome you to the forum,

You have received some very good advice so far and these people really do care. I hope that things work out for you soon. You do seem to be very isolated, that isn't fair. But make the best of it, things can change in an instant.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/1/2008 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Maria, I read your post and it sounds like your home situation is very harmful to you.  Who is home schooling you?  Is it your Grandmother?  Is there a school in the area you can attend?  If not, I think you need to get in touch with your church or find a church that has a pastor who can help you.  You may need help from a social services agency.  You have been abused by your parents and your grandparents don't sound like they are very caring.  I know this may sound difficult to you but you might be better off in a foster home for a while where you can get good care and you can attend school on a regular basis and make some friends.  You are much too young to be put into such a bad living situation.  Try to get some help for yourself and keep posting so we know how you are doing. Someone in authority needs to know what is going on in your home.  Your sister could eventually be at harm too.Try to take care of yourself and let us hear from you.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/1/2008 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in Pa in a virtual homeschooling program (PAVCS) and I don't leave the house much,only to go exersizing. The church I do attend is very small about 20 to 30 people (It was broken up a while ago) and there are no kids my age and I don't have a neighbors my age either. & no no, I think some might have gotten a bad idea about my grandparents, if it wasn't for them things would be so much worse. They are very loving towards me(and the family,matter fact they are living of my grandparents money), they just don't understand..there in their 80's. I don't know where to get a counsiler and when my mother took me to one a while ago she literally told my mother things she said she would not tell.....not harmful things either I understand that they have an obligation to tell someone if my life were in danger ect. but it was very shocking to me, I thought it was a felony!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 11/1/2008 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Your counselor shouldn't have told your mom what you two talked about Maria. Maybe you could find a different one. I hope that you are learning good with your home shcool program. Do you have any friends your age at all? You really need somebody to talk to. We are here for you so keep on posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/1/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Maria, I am glad to learn that your grandparents are good to you.  You need someone to care about you. Unfortunately, when people get older they often don't understand a young person's problems. You said you go to a small church which means there is a pastor or minister of some type.  Can't you go to that person and ask for help?  Maybe they can help you out with finding a therapist.  You can also look in the phone book for listings of therapists.  If they can't help you they can at least let you know of a state agency you can contact who will help you.  You need to be around people your own age and have friends. I know none of this is easy to do but you have to put in a little effort yourself in order to get some help.  I really feel you need help with your situation.  There is a national depression hotline you can call and I believe it is anonymous.  You could try calling and telling them your situation and see if they can refer you to some help.  I am very concerned about you and want to see you live a happier life. I don't know if I am allowed to give you a phone # but maybe one of the moderators can give you some links to help with websites and phone numbers.

Many hugs,

Aurora


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/1/2008 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much. I would love some links. & I understand I need to put forth effort, which is why I'm here & to get the help I think I need. You all have been very kind. Reguarding the counseling, it was about a year a year ago and yes I do have friends my age, I am not aload to see them though I've seen close ones three times since May but thats it. I am honestly saying the reason is, and i qwote "Because I think it's a bad idea"(said from my parents). My grandparents say that it's ok but they have to listen to my parents rules because my parents technically are still my guardians.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 11/1/2008 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Maria,

Here is a link that I found in the depression resources. I imagine if you type in deperession on the interenet, you will find more help.

There is also one called moodgym.  The address is http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/   Click on this address and check it out.  It might help you some.

Here's another great resource we added recently to HealingWell.com, powered by Mediwire.

http://mediwire.healingwell.com/psychiatry


I hope that this helps some. I hope that you get some chances to be around other people your own age. It must be hard for you right now. But we are here for you so post whenever you feel the need, someone will always answer. The weekends are kind of slow though, so sometimes it might take a while.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 11/1/2008 5:14:20 PM (GMT-6)


olderwomenrule15
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 11/1/2008 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Maria,

See if your grandparents can get you to a therapist. Mine has been sent to me by God. Keep posting on this site and people will give you all the advice they can. I love all the people here. A professional therapist would also be an excellent resource for you.

Linda

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/1/2008 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Maria, I am glad to hear you do have friends.  And you of course have a computer otherwise you wouldn't be on here.  Can you keep in touch by email with your friends?  That might ease some of the lonely feelings you have.  Also, if you spoke to your grandma about possibly seeing a friend once in a while do you think she would let you do it?  When I was a kid my grandma always gave me chocolate bars and my mother strictly forbid us to have any sweets.  So sometimes grandmas can be understanding and help you out. I know you probably don't want to defy your parents rules but what harm can there be to have friends?  Is there any way you can have a talk when your mom is in a rational mood?  Maybe you can get her to see things more clearly.  Ask her about what she did when she was 15.  Karen's idea of searching the internet is a great idea.  You just have to type in a word or two and you will get all kinds of information.  My heart aches for you. I only want what is best for you and to see you have a peaceful life.

Hugs,

Aurora


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/2/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   

I will talk to my grandparents about another counselor, and yes I do communicate with 3 of my friends (that includes the boyfriend) but still I'm not supposed to be talking to him through anything and if I got caught my life would crash I can't lose their trust it's the only thing I have. I have tried to ask my grandparents if they mind me going to the mall or movies but two problems. One: No money and they won't let me do chores for money, I HAVE NO CLUE WHY, they are financially comfortable. Two: My parents say "No" . Simple, and if my parents say no, my grandparents listen to them. Strictly.

 

& about the talking to people at church thing. Ok to be honest here I am Completely not comfortable with that….the pastor just creeps me out and we end up having a different pastor every week anyway because the official pastor is having medical issues.

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 11/2/2008 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe this is not such a bad thing. I know that you need social activity. But I am glad to hear that you can email your friends. You are growing up. In a couple years you will be old enough to make your own decisions. I know that it seems like a long time to you now, but believe me, at my age two years is like a blink of an eye.

How are you doing with your homeschooling? How are your grades? Is it hard?

I hate the thought of you feeling like you are in prison. I know what it is like. I use to get grounded a lot and it isn't much fun. But maybe you can keep yourself preoccupied with your studies.

I am just trying to mull this around so it doesnt' seem so hard for you. a middle ground so to speak with you haveing to go to the middle instead of it finding you.

I am sorry that the pastor gives you the creeps. That does happen sometimes. If you don't feel comfortable around him, than don't talk to him. You never know these days.

Keep posting, we are here for you and will try to think of somehting in the meantime.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/2/2008 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   

True I am grateful that I have them. I am doing quite well in my homeschooling.....not to great in Spanish though I have a 29% but there expecting me to do at least 4 hours of work a day (I enrolled 3 weeks late) but in every thing else I have high A's. :) I've never been an A student before, so that makes me feel "special". I’m glad you understand how I feel in a sense, a little of “I’m being isolating” feeling. Also I’d like to thank you all very much, especially Karen, you have been very kind and since I joined and can honestly say you have made my day better I even smiled this morning because of the comfort of knowing that people care=)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 11/2/2008 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Maria,

That is wonderful to hear. I am glad that you are smiling. You are young and special. I know that you are going to have a wonderful life. You are mature for your age and are trying really hard to do all of the right things, you will be blessed.

Hugs to you,
Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 11/2/2008 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Maria, I'm wondering if perhaps they are stopping you from going out because they're worried that you'll get into "bad" company. It might also explain why they don't want you to go to the mall or the movies. They might perceive that these activities simply involve hanging around, doing nothing, making friends with "loose" teenagers, and getting into trouble.

If that is the case, then perhaps they might be more willing to let you go out and meet people if you offer some productive outlet for your time and energy. For instance, perhaps they might be willing for you to volunteer or get a casual job. If church isn't something you feel comfortable with, you might be able to join something like the Girl Scouts, Heritage Girls or Campfire. The key might be to choose something that will sound respectable to your grandparents, something that shows that you want to use your time productively, or to help other people.

I really think it is important that you try to find some way to be with people, even if this involves a bit of negotiation with your parents and grandparents. Isolation is bad for anybody, and can lead to mental health issues.

Oh, and congratulations on all those As!

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/2/2008 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   

That is true, they don’t like my friends but the thing was I was stupid to share with them what my friends have gotten into, “bad situations” I was only trying to be honest with my parents and by me doing that It seems i've lost them. I was known to get into serous trouble before I skipped class allot in jr. high but that was it i’ve never smoked or gotten drunk never gotten high or any of those things. I think that too. If I stay consolidated for a long period of time I start to think “those thoughts”.

 

& thank you =)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/2/2008 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Maria,

This is Kitt.  Thank you so much for explaining to all of us how you feel and know that we care.

Parents must ensure that our teen knows that he or she is loved and valued as an individual at home.  You did not receive that and IMHO you have been cheated out of the guiding love of your parents. It is not your fault. You are a good and kind daughter who happens to have parents that have some serious issues.

Have you ever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." That is false. Words indeed can be very hurtful. They lower your self esteem as you start to believe that you must be pretty awful to be treated the way your parents have treated you.

Here is one number you should keep and use it when you need to for yourself or your siblings.  Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200

I would feel a lot better if you connected with your local Child Protective Services.

I am very proud of your school grades, let your studies help you now.  Maybe your grandparents would let you invite some friends over just to hang out and visit on the week end.

AS you can see everyone here cares about you and your welfare.  Stay connected to us.

Many gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 11/2/2008 11:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Can`t you talk your grandparents into letting you go to a regular school?Volunteering also sounds like a good idea.I agree with everyone else about the child abuse.If you are not there to be abused its not like your parents are going to stop.thay just go to another child.Think about your brother and sister please.
Lost half of my small intestine.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


avemaria
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/4/2008 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
My entire family won't let me go to public school my mom keeps saying she “knows” I'm going to go and get pregnant, which is untrue and wrong to say. & I cannot go back to my old school (private school) until late winter because I got expelled. I understand that If things get to where harm might be done to my brother or sister, trust me I will not hesitate to tell someone. But I also believe that the system where they would place my brother and sister might not be any better, I’m very scared for my siblings I love them more than anything I whenever something goes wrong over there I come and console them best I can. I can’t even imagine what it would do to my sister to be taken away from my mom and dad, my parents are not good parents: I know this, they ignore them and yell at them more than any other parents I know and they are GOOD kids. But I would feel as if I was taking “mommy” away, how can I do that to someone? How can one day a little girl of 5 years old suddenly have her mom taken away, whether a bad mom or not, how? I couldn’t live with that.

O_o big family.... I'm glad you keep God close.
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