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whowhat
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/3/2008 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi

came across this forum as i search for some resources on the net for Depression. I had been "sad" for a few years now and have lately realised that this is most likely depression.

It started when my dad got pretty sick and I saw how he suffered with cancer. At the same time as I was witnessing this painful ordeal in my dad's life, I have come to a realization that I am most likely gay.. after a few days, months wrestling with that thought yep.. I am gay.

I lost my will to work and felt really burnt out. So i took some time off work and lived away. I met this person who i think became my "cushion" from pain. We lived together and I moved back to my town. We are together now for a couple of years living in my town.

Now it looks like she is the one depressed as she is not really a "gay" person. I feel that i have dragged her in this pit. She has expressed many times that she wants to move out of our house and live alone since she has not grown or met any friends while with me in my town.

Ahh i know i still suffer from depression but not as much as i had before.

I dont know where to go from here.. but it does help to write it down :)

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 11/4/2008 1:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi WhoWhat,

Have you talked to a counsellor, I think maybe that would help you out a lot. Or you could speak to your doctor about some medication maybe?

Maybe sometime alone would do you good, give you a chance to grow yourself & get over your depression.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 11/4/2008 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi WhoWhat,

I agree with Li, a counsellor can be a great help, but with the situation you are in now, and how to deal with yourself.

If I understand it correctly, you feel bad because of your house mate (there can be more reasons, but I think focussing on this particular one since it is so clear can be a help for you). You said she hasn't got any friends etc. Is there a possibility to go out together, do something, make new friends etc? Or invite your neighbours over. Things like that can make her happy, show her that you care and are her friend, plus it will give you a good feeling as well because you are helping.

There are many more things you can do, and I would love to help you out. One thing you could start with right away is writing down what is bothering you. It will help, trust me. You don't have to post it online, feel free to keep it to yourself, but I do encourage you to bring it out into the open, as there will be a lot of people willing to help.

All the best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

The Outside is but a reflection of our Inside. Smile, and the Universe will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 11/4/2008 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi WhoWhat,

First of all, welcome to the depression forum. I think that you will find there are a lot of caring and compassionate members here, now you are a part of our family. This means that we are here for you.

Maybe your friend isn't gay, but does she really have to move out? Does she have a place to go? You could still be roomates. I guess that decision is totally up to her.

Please dont' blame yourself for her deperssion. We own that ourselves. You can't make another person deperssed, that is within themselves. So give yourself a break there and don't feel guilty about it. Chances are she was already depressed. It sounds like she doesn't know her self identity. That is something that she will have to discover on her own. You can direct her, but you can't fix her.

Are you going to counseling of any sort? I highly recommend that. You could use some support right now.

I hope that things work out for you. You sound like a very nice person. Keep posting and let us know how things are working out for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/4/2008 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi WhoWhat,

Welcome to HealingWell.  this is Kitt.

I agree you should get into some counseling for just you. Even if you don't feel depressed you still have some issues you need to put to rest.
 
As far as you friend, if she has lived in your town for 2 years and feels isolated and depressed, I would let her go.  This is her decision and what she wants. You are very comfortable in your hometown but it has not grown on her and she does not feel she belongs in your town.
 
The greatest gift you can give her is to let her go with no guilt on either side.
 
Times change and we grow in different ways.
I wish you the best and please keep on talking to us.
 
Again Welcome to HW.
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


whowhat
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/4/2008 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
HI again

Thank you all for your replies.. just to explain further that this person living with me is not really a friend but a partner. We have lived together as a couple for almost 2 years now and asked her to relocate and live with me. But there is always a feeling that she is not into this type of relationship 100%

I still have issues about my sexuality, i guess the rejection of society and people as well as the guilt and rejection of my own self to homosexuality is the harder part.

I am seriously considering a counselor and currently looking for one in our area.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 11/4/2008 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that you are very wise to see a counselor. It sounds like you have some self identity issues. A counselor would help you to sort things out.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/4/2008 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there WhoWhat,

I did understand your post and that is why I felt if your partner is doubting her own sexuality she needs to be free to find the answer on her own, no guilt and no strings attached.  The same goes for you.  You are a couple but you are still individuals.

I hope you keep talking to us as I know this is a painful time for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


whowhat
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/4/2008 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi


Kitt, yes what you said is the noble thing to do.. She has been asking "permission" to leave specially when we have arguments and I am at the edge of saying yes.

It is quite hard to give that yes as the feeling of being a failure is so overwhelming
At the same time I do like her to be happy and a fulfilled individual.

I am just so torn on the inside on what's the right thing to do for her and for me.

whowhat

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 11/5/2008 2:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Who What,

If she wants to go then I think the space would do you both a lot of good. I don't think it should be about permission, I think that you should both do what makes you happy & it sounds like this relationship isn't what either of you really really want.

It's hard to end a relationship, but it can be even harder to stay in it, sometimes it's hard to see that though until it is over. I don't think because your relationship ends you should feel like a failure, I think you should feel proud of yourself for doing something to make a change.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/5/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear whowhat
 
I am going to try to say this as gentle as I can :-) .  She does not need your permission to leave, she has her freedom of choice to just go and for her to be waiting for your permission is not in either of your best interests, IMHO.
 
I agree with the other members, change is difficult and painful but in order for both of you to find out what you really want to know, you need to agree to live apart and still be friends.
 
Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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