Hi and thanks to you both for your advise. I feel things are just about to blow up and get worse before they get better though. I made a decision to 'univite' mom for turkey day and that went over like a lead ballon.
I felt that she needed to be held accountable for starting the rucus that was going to keep others away from attending. So I did the tuff love thing and now I feel terrible and guilty.
Of course my older brother , as usual, is backing her up 100% and making me feel even more guilty.
He now wants me to read her lletter that she wrote to my other brother and wants to send along his own letter to explain her letter, ARGH! Can you see how impossible and dunb this whole thing is getting? I am not getting any sleep stressing over it and my MS is flairing up again like crazy.
Thankfully I have a daughter in law in her senior year of nursing who is going to talk to her psch nurse instructor to see who I can go talk to to get help for me....so I can help my Mom. My husband and other family members think I made the right decision, but as I said, I feel guilty and she is SO GOOD at making me feel guilty...mostly becasue I let her. After researching some of these nursing books, Mom seems to display many personality disorder symtoms. But I am not a doctor, so I will just wait and see what they say this time aorund. It has been mentioned years before she was sufferring from that disorder as well as being a perfectionist and compulsive.
I love her so much, I just wish we could have peace. I wont give up. Thanks for listening to me and caring. Hugs~Katie
I know this sounds to easy, but if your Mom is upset about how things are working out and starts being disrespectful, I would just say in a nice calm voice " I am sorry if this upsets you Mom, I invited the family for Thanksgiving. You are all my family and I love each of you." At that point it is your Mother's decision on how she wants to respond, remember you are not responsible for her behavior or actions. If she starts to get nasty, tell her you will not discuss this while she is so upset and angry.
You may also tell her, "when you say these kinds of things" it makes me feel sad.
Then take ahold of you reins and have your Thanksgiving the way you planned. It is after all your house.
It sounds like she needs to see her physician. Perhaps someone else could tackle that issue with her.
You are a wonderful and caring daughter and sister. Believe in you and be happy. This is your life.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Dear Kitt and Karen,
Thanks for the support. I just got home from gym and feel better.but boy I tell ya, it is SO HARD to let go and not worry. I want to, I know it is the healthy thing to do, but guilt creeps in as I realize much is her disease talking rather than her...which creates more guilt in me. What a vicious circle. I also so believe I need to let God and Let go. He can't fix anything I am hanging onto. Still, hard.
I am still praying over it and am going to let God direct my next move. In my heart I feel if I don't hear from her by the coming Monday...I may just give her a call and see if it is okay that I stop over to visit...then take it from there. OR....I may wait till after Thanksgiving , just not sure yet. So that alone tills me to do nothing....yet.
I agree that it would be a good idea for her to see her Doctor again, only I am certain she won't. I cannot change her mind, she has to want to go. I can only set boundries, which is why I did what I did by not allowing her to come to Turkey Day, due to her recent actions. She brought it on herself. So once again I am the 'Black sheep' in her eyes. In the past she has never responded well to any boundries I needed to set ( her past PHD suggested I do this boundry thing) so I dont expect this time to be any different.
Thank you both for sharing your thoughts and suggestions with me. It is very helpful and I am keeping it all in mind for my next visit with her. I'll keep you all posted. ~Katie