Just a hint of advice?

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Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/19/2008 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Although this is most likely common among teenagers, right now Im suffering from depression. For the past two weeks Ive had a feeling of confusion, low self-esteem (Which has always been there, just a little worse right now than normal.) lack of sleep, lost ten pounds, I havn't gotten the same joy out of my activities as I used to. Lets start with confusion first. Im not really sure how long ago, but I broke up with my first 'love'. Honestly it was a bad situation and it came down to me telling her that I just needed to hear the answer to the three questions of why do you love me, how am I different from everyone else, and where are we going with this. I told her that I would give her the whole day to think about it, and when she called me later that night, she couldnt tell me any of them. It bothered me, but I figured I had gotten over it. After this, I started trying to get out and try to date new people. Two girls I almost dated but the one just stopped talking to me all of a sudden, and the other came to the decision that she didnt like me that way. The third one I actually dated, but the relationship was a bit confusing. To make a long story short with her, she sent me a text message after being irritated the whole night for no reason saying that we were breaking up. The next morning I sent her one back saying just find someone that you're happy with, etc etc etc. She sent one back saying at first it was a joke, then it was a test to see if Id try to stop her, and then she told a friend of mine that it was to get back at me for something. After her is the girl that Im currently involved with. Shes nice, but I feel like Im rushing things too fast. Before her I just told myself that I wouldnt date anyone until college (Im 17 and a Junior by the way) but I dated her my Freshman year, and always wondered if we had something. She said that she didn't want to date anyone either until college, but later that night she was debating whether or not to date me. The next day it was that she wanted me, and only me. For the longest time I figured the same thing, but recently I dont know what Im doing. She also didnt want to kiss until we dated, seeing as how Im making her wait a month because she told me to make her wait, but we kissed yesterday. I feel absolutely terrible for the fact that I feel like Im rushing all of this, and I dont even know if I want to date her anymore. The though of the first girl coming back up has gotten me confused. I also think that I like another girl but Im not sure if its because she has a resembalence to the first girl or not, but I also do want to get out of this one so fast just in case there is something there, and for the sake of her feelings. Low self-esteem as always been there for me from when I was younger, and no one wanted to date me, or really talk to me for that matter. I cant say its a terrible thing because it really makes me appritiate all the things that I have a lot more. As far as the lack of sleep, I just havnt been able to sleep for one or two weeks, I keep waking up every 30 minutes to an hour just to try and go back to sleep. I dont dream of anything, I get to the point of dozing off and wake back up. The losing ten pounds may just be because Ive been working out lately to try to get into the habit of it, and thought maybe it would relieve some depression or stress. For not getting as much joy, I used to play video games to just make me happy. It was like having a second life that I was able to run away to. Not saying that this was the best idea Ive made, but it was always WoW, or something of that nature that I would play until bed. Currently Ive been jumping through all of the games that Ive played in the past just to find Im really not having as much fun as I did before. The same has gone with music, it ment alot to me, but I just dont find it as enjoyable as I did before. I tried to tell my parents about the lack of sleep issue, but the only thing my mother told me was "Yea, weve been having that problem too." I dont know how serious it is, so I dont want to talk to a psychiatrist, but I thought maybe I could get some guidence from someone here. Sorry for the huge message, but just want a little advice if I can get it. Thanks. confused

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all, welcome to the depression forum. It sounds like you should talk to a counselor. Do you have one at school that you could speak with? I am wondering why you ask these questions of these girls like you are quizing them or something or giving them altematums (sp).

Playing video games right before you go to bed might be the reason that you aren't able to sleep. You are over stimulating your brain and then expecting it to shut off.

How are you doing in school? That should really be your main interest right now, especially being a junior. I hope that you are keeping your grades up. You have a lot going on with girls. It seems to be taking up most of your thinking time. I would just chill out, be friends for a while. I do think you are moving kind of fast too. But nothing that you can't slow down.

Try not to worry so much, take thinks one day at a time. Try to see a counselor. Keep your mind on your studies. And try to unwind before you go to bed at night. At least thirty minutes. You might want to get into some type of meditation for sleeping too. It really does work.

I hope that this helps you some. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess some things I didnt clear up when I posted, and sorry about that xD. But the questions I asked her, were after 6 months of dating, and we hadnt talked about our future the whole time. She was the only one that I asked these questions, not really a "Who wants to be my bride" game show :P. The games that I played were from when I got home from school, until the time I went to bed. Lately I havnt been doing that, I started getting out of massive amounts of games a while ago. Now I pretty much just listen to a bit of music, text a couple of people, eat, lose track of time, and then go to bed at 10, but more recently 9. As far as the girls, it isnt really whats taking up my thinking time. Ive just always had an impulse to date someone to feel wanted. Ill have points in a month that Im kind of depressed, but easy to get over, but one to two days out of a month Ill be severely depressed, and wont get over it for the whole day, and just feel a little crappy 2-3 days after. Im not really sure if Ill be able to go to a counselor quiet yet, Im always so embarrassed about those kinds of things...Im not really sure why. Any ideas of maybe easing out the confusion? Meditation sounded like a pretty good idea, but im not so sure where to start.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Do you thnk that there would be books on meditation at your school library? Maybe you will find in a book store. It really calms the mind. What about talking to your family physician? Would you feel more comfortable with that?

We will help you as much as we can. But we always have to suggest counseling. Don't be embarrassed about it. There are a lot of people who go.

I can't understand what would be confusing you. There have been a lot of depressed people with the season. That could be a part of it. It could be a chemical embalance, which would in turn need medication.

I hope that you get things straightened out and start feeling better soon. How is your home life? Is there anything going on at home that might be bothering you?

Keep posting and hopefully we can help you some.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Home life honestly isn't bad, the only things that are bothering me are what I said at first, its just Im not really sure what to do about the sleeping issue, and as far as emotional stress with dating. (Ugh.) Also any advice maybe on improving my self-esteem? >_o

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
The advice that I can give you would be to find some self help books on self esteem. Or counseling. We can try to help you, but you really have to learn to believe in yourself. To relieve yourself of emotional stress from dating, you would have to slow down. The sleeping issue can be solved by talking to a doctor. I don't know if the doctor would give you sleep medications being you are so young. But the doctor would have some good advice for you. Which would most likely be counseling.

If I were you, I would look for some books on self esteem and meditation. That would be a good start. You do know that you have to do the work. We can't, and neither can a counselor, fix you. That comes from hard work. I know that you can do it though. And it isn't exactly hard, you just have to try. So we can point you in the right direction, but you have to take the steps and make the effort to get better. Luckily you are at an early stage of depression. It will be easier to ward off.

Good luck,

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I know, I was just looking for a little guidance, I just feel so uncomfortable talking to someone else about my problems, Im normally the one to listen to everyone elses, and help them out with it. Ironically, Im actually doing that now. But I was just looking for some other ways to maybe deal with it other than a counselor. :S

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
...There is an online CBT Cognite Therapy Program that is free and it for me has done wonders.........

It is over on Anxiety site under the resources at top with Wens name on it and you wil find the link or perhaps Kitt or Karen ......Dareen have it

I wish you all the best.....
You sound just like my daughter Cait her first couple of yrs of HS and it is so hard to see
Her as confused as she is
I know she is a A peronality and a honor student but this plays on her
so much at times.....

She has anxiety and panic and does get depressed .........LYN

YOU are not alone..

STay with us
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
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                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Well regarding your sleep problems, does it happen every single night? there is usually a reason for this, like your body sometimes tries to send you a message. in my case I used to have sleep problems if I ate late, or ate too much. it might be because of those stimulating activities like video games. try reserving the last hour before you sleep to something less stimulating such as reading a book, to prepare your brain for sleep.

I don't suggest pills to make you sleep, you don't want to go that road unless you really have to, like for certain circumstances. most of them are addicting and you may become dependant on them, the natural way is better.

You mentioned your excersizing thats great, it so much better than playing video games. you said you start playing video games right when you get back from school till you go to bed, that very unhealthy. also I would avoid online games such as WOW as they are very addicting , they are like taking drugs. I'v tried them myself and I was an addict for almost 6 years.

with girls, like you suggested and others it sounds like your moving fast but I don't see a big issue there.
                                                     To be or not to Be


Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/19/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram, thank you so much for responding! :) The video games havnt been affecting my sleep habits because I havnt been playing them lately. I dont really know whats keeping me from sleeping, I just wake up quiet often before I can actually get to sleep. I was kind of afraid of the pills thing for the same reason. And yea, I excersize every day normally from 8 to 830/845. WoW was addicting, but once I hit the max level, it wound up all that build up for the level, wasnt all that great. I had a worse time even at that level with all the work I had to put into it. And its been happening every night for the past 1-2 weeks, its gotten to the point that Im dragging terribly throughout the school day, today I fell asleep in three classes. None of them were during actual work. One was studyhall, one was English after all of my work was done, and the third was Human Relations, which is an elective for people skills, and that was after my packet, project, and other packet was already done. It hasnt gotten to the point that Ive been falling asleep during key and needed times, its just that my teachers have even started asking me if everything is ok, and if Im sick or anything. Speaking of which, I should probably get to the whole working out thing. Its 8:12 xD

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Well seems to me the reason your sleeping through classes is that your not getting enough good sleep. sleep has many stages and maybe your missing some of the key stages, I suggest you go see a sleep doctor and ask for help, there is even a sleeping test you can do, basically you sleep in a special clinic and they monitor your sleep pattern to identify what is going wrong with your sleep, and if needed they might give you medication or what every remedy they suggest.. sleep disorder is a very serius thing and there is many types of sleep disorders, so take it seriously and find out what is going wrong. by the way when you wake up do you have any bad dreams too?

And its really good your staying away from those video games, specially WOW or the online ones they just take up too much of your time in real-life. When I used to play them, they used to occupy my mind even when I wasn't even playing.. like when I'm in work or with friends.. suddenly everything in life became boring unless I was in the video game.... I have bin clean since april this year and I hope I never go back to them...
                                                     To be or not to Be


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Emotional Distress,

I have the site that Lyn was talking about

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that this helps you.  Also you are so welcome to keep posting here.  We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

PS this site is free.  Check it out.


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
So, I will give this a try, because I think we have a lot in common.

Listen, you are lucky, yea, I said lucky. Why? Because you arent in a horrible stage of depression yet. If you feel like it is a problem for you now, which it seems you do, then you need to do something about it NOW. Do NOT wait like its something you can throw under your bed for a while. Theres nothing wrong with asking for some guidance, but our guidance seems to be pointing you in the direction of someone you can talk to. You HAVE to learn to talk to other people and not be uncomfortable. You cant get through it without talking.

Okay, you may think Im being hard on you....but trust me. And heres why you should. Im 17. A Senior in HS. And a former sufferer of depression, anxiety, and panic. (and a muscle disorder) I was a cutter and I almost ODed once. I stayed quiet for a long time, too long. I was a listener and advice giver myself. I had NEVER had to talk to someone about my problems, because I had never had any. Now, this all started a year and a half ago and Im just now getting better. And I have to take medication for it. So, my advice to you is to TALK to SOMEONE, anyone.

I always wanted to and I never could. I just couldnt. But, then I was forced to and I was glad I did. It helped. And now I have a whole support team that I can go to. I dont feel uncomfortable as much anymore because its just a part of life and it happens to ALOT of people. You are no less of a person for feeling depressed or anything. So, never think that.

As for the sleep. There is alot you can try. You can try a warm drink, stretches, warm bath, muscle relaxation, talk to you doctor. I could never talk to my parents, so they still dont know about any of it except just a little anxiety. But, it was 500x as bad as that. The worst thing ever. So, dont wait, go talk to someone. I talked to my school counselor. Over a year later, Im still nervous and scared of talking to her! lol But, I do it because its whats best. I had sleep problems but one of my medications helped with it so... But, different things help different people. You just have to experiment.

Just, please, talk to someone about it. Dont wait just because you feel uncomfortable, it isnt worth it if it gets worse. And it may not, dont think your automatically going to end up like me! Yours could go away by itself! But, why take that chance when you have the chance to do something about it now... think about it. Because I would never EVER want another person to have to go through what I went through....

Good luck. Keep us posted. We care about you and we will do everything we can to help you, I know I will! I've been there and I know how it is. So, if you ever need to talk, my email and everything is on my profile I believe, feel free anytime! Take Care
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
   "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
    "Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/19/2008 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that you just got some very good advice. I hope that you listen to Christi. She does know, she has been there.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/19/2008 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen here knows what all I have been through. She was there for me through everything so she does know what all I have gone through and can tell you that it wasnt pretty. I do hope you make up your mind. I wasnt trying to scare you or make you think what happened to me would happen to you because thats not true. Im only here to help you, not scare you. And, although its possible, you nessecarily end up like me! I was just telling you so that we could find some common ground. Because I know how being a teen can affect that and everything else. And I understand the worst parts. Not to mention the extra muscle disorder on top of that, which has stripped me of alot of things I enjoyed doing, such as sports and video games! So... AND, Im here to make sure you dont have to experience the same thing I did. Lifes to short! Try talking. It cant hurt.
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
   "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
    "Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/19/2008 9:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Emotional Distress,

Welcome to HealingWell.  I am glad you found us and you have received wonderful input so far.

Karen posted the  MoodGymn site...........they have two sites now so you may want to take a look at both and see which one fits your needs better.  I do know many have benefited from  CBT.

The MoodGym Training Program

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

and the new program

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

You've come to the right place to find people that have a good idea of what you're going through. I look forward to seeing you around.

TeNNis gave you excellent advice a she has been down this road and with great spport, hard work and determination she has made excellent progress.

I will check in on you tomorrow to see how your doing.

Take care.

Kitt


 


 

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& GERD  Forums
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Emotional Distress
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/20/2008 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, thank you guys so much once again for taking time out just to be able to help me with this. I mean, I feel better already just knowing that people care about me. To answer the question of whether or not Im having bad dreams, Im not actually having any at all. Its just black, and then Ill wake up. I tried taking a nap earlier today for an hour, and woke up twice, so I dont think I got too much out of that =\ Ill try going to bed now to get a little more sleep. Ill also try sleeping a good bit during the weekend to get the energy back. I also remember, I talked to my Social Studies teacher/good friend. She started asking me if I was drinking any soda or anything, which Im not, I actually stopped and started drinking water a while ago. She also brought up the fact that if Im working out at about 800, that this could be whats keeping me up. From what shes heard, if you would go to be around a normal time of about 10, that you would want to be done with working out and start cooling down at about 6. She also suggested a few things such as Soduku (Sp?) or something like that before bed, as thats what she does before she goes to bed. She said that sometimes reading a book could be a bad idea if you get wrapped up in it and either dont want to put it down, or lay there wondering whats going to happen next. Thanks for all of the advice guys, Ill try a bit of it out. I also checked the library today for meditation books, but to no avail. But once again, thank you so much for the advice, Ill get to bed now. :D

Katie7
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 11/20/2008 11:23 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there,

As the Mom of 2 grown happy men (now) 23 and 27 I can tell you ( from what I am reading of your posts) you are normal. My feelings are you are going thorugh normal stages that the majority of boys your age go through, at least mine did. Don't be so hard on yourself.

At this time in your life your developing relationships...deciding what works, what doesn't. Thats the whole idea. I can tell you my sons dated many different gals ( youngest still dating, and having fun at it) and had their hearts broken a few times and it seemed like the end of the world.

But now the oldest looks back and thinks he was crazy, when truly (he realizes now) this was just life teaching him what characteristics he likes in a gal or not.

Be patient. Thats why it's called dating. A time to learn what you like and don't like, what you will or will not put up with in a lifetime. Your not crazy, your a normal young man determining what kind of person you want to hook up with in the long run.

I suspect you will find it eaiser to if you would just relax more. Get involved in something else. Sports? Exercise was the thing my boys grabbed onto ,taking care of their needs  and they love exercising, made a big difference for them. By doing that it increased their self worth and self esteem and everyone flocked around them ( gals included).

My advise, get busy..take care of you...the rest will follow..I promise. Hugs~Katie


What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own ; The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protecxt you!
                              Hugs~Katie
                  Diagnosed ~ August 2008

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