losing friends

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trying2getby
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 11/20/2008 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   
has anyone lost friends because of their disease?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/20/2008 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Yes, I have.  I was even told by my daughter she cannot be around sad people as it brings her down.  So there you have it, keep that smile on your face or cry alone.

I actually went to counseling to deal with this very problem.

Take care

Kitt


 

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trying2getby
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 11/20/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
kitt,

did u try to find new friends? if so where? i have been looking all over but my town doesnt seem to have a support group, i know that's where ill find people who understand my dilemma. ive told you that i have family that is very supportive, should that be enough? should i be content with that? sometimes i want to go out with other people than my family, but right now i dont know if my friends will be all that understanding. and yes i am afraid i will just disturb their happy little lives. :(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 11/20/2008 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Trying,

I think that when we get depressed, we tend to seclude ourselves from others because it is easier that way.

I tend to not even answer the phone when I am depressed. I don't answer the door or go anywhere. It is just too much effort.

With that being said, people tend to quit coming over and stop calling. I think that they think I just don't want to be around them. But it isn't personal, I just can't deal with people in general when I am depressed.

So yes, I have lost some friends, but if they are real friends, they love you even if they don't see you. I have one friend that I don't hear from for years at a time, but I know that we will always remain friends no matter what. So there are some people who do understand, and there will always be some who don't. Though I have always been somewhat of a loner. I don't hang out, as they say it. I just am.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 11/20/2008 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes I lost a friend. about 3mo after I had my son, I joined a moms group and met someone I really clicked with. Mind you, I haven't really had any friends before this for a long time. It lasted about 5mo because she became angry with me that I cancelled coming over to her house because I was feeling very sensitive that day. My mom just told me that you will know who your real friends are. And she wasn't.
 
I have to agree that we tend to seclude ourselves because I never joined another moms group again. (I left the group because I wouldn't have felt comfortable being around her after that) I also just don't get out enough to meet new people. And it's sad to say, I've never had a friend since then and this happened a year and a half ago.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 11/20/2008 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that it is sad the way that we seclude ourselves, but maybe that is what we need to heal. To get use to being with ourselves. And to learn to love ourselves. So it just may be therapeudic to us in a way. I have gotten use to being alone and I don't yearn for friendship. Though we all want to have friends. But when we get stronger we don't need them to verify ourselves. So I guess it isn't so bad after all.

Though I can understand what you are saying, once somebody realizes that we get depressed, maybe they don't want to be around us anymore.

I am sorry that your friend got mad at you for not feeling up to going out that day. That just goes to show she was thinking of herself and not you. That is very selfish. But I understand how you feel when you don't feel like being around people because you feel sensitive. I guess I would refer to it as feeling volnerable. I don't think that I spelled that right.

I hope that you learn to be with yourself and don't feel so lonely.

We should be able to be happy even when alone.

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 11/20/2008 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Gettingby, If I could have it my way I would like to have just one friend to be honest. Someone that I can relate to, have support and do things with. I would be happy with just that. And yes your right it's about feeling vulnerable. I just can't wait to get into counseling so I can deal with all of my issues and to become a better me. Because your right we should be able to be happy when alone. I admit that I don't do well alone that's actually a big issue with me, being alone and being isolated on top of it. Even though I know I isolate myself, it's so hard to explain........

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 11/20/2008 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that I have done the same thing. I isolate myself then feel bad because I haven't got any friends. And I know what you mean to just have one REAL friend. Somebody that you can trust no matter what.

I think that is why I like my dogs so much. They keep me company and it is an unconditional love. They are loyal to the fullest.

(I just have to mention that we are getting some really beautiful snow right now. It is snowing like crazy and fluffy flakes. It is pretty.)

The thing is that I have some friends now, but I don't let them get too close. I still wouldn't tell them my problems like I would here. It is kind of strange, but I think that it is a self defense mechanism that I carry in the back of my mind. Do you ever feel like that?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 11/20/2008 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand what you mean. I have a hard time talking to my boyfriend (by the way I hate calling him that because I'm not in high school lol) He has proposed to me and I wear a ring on my finger but we have no date or anything to actually get married. I'm leary of getting married anyway because there is a lot we need to work on but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, I have a hard time talking to him because I don't think he will understand or know what to say to me, plus I feel like when I am having a bad day or hard time, I don't want to talk to him because it's the same ole things that are bothering me. I also don't let him get too close to me anymore because I have said it before but I have problems giving and recieving affection. Our relationship issues started around the beginning of this year. The issues are all mine though, there are things that he needs to work on but my biggest issue is I don't know if I'm in love with him. I also feel like the issues within myself are reflecting on my relationship.

I'm also afraid to talk to my mom sometimes because I don't want to burden her with my problems. Which are always the same. I'm also afraid of what she might say sometimes because the line of work she is in, is behavioral health. She is a BHT (bevioral health tech) and also does clinical liasion work. So I feel like I don't know if she's talking to me like a bht or my mom. We have a really close relationship but I think it's me that covets what's really going on.

Enjoy your snow! Where I live we have hit record highs for this time of year and can't wait to be at our normal temps, late next week like their saying.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread, I tend to ramble.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 11/20/2008 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I kind of have that problem too with affection. I don't know what it is. There will be so many things that I want to say to my husband, and they just don't come out. Sometimes I will write him a letter or make him a card to try and say what it is that I want to say. It is hard. But I think how you never know what is going to happen, so I always want to show that I love him. It just doesn't always come out the way that I want. Maybe it is more of a problem of expressing myself. I guess that is the best way to explain it. I don't know, when it comes to feelings, it is hard for me to express them. Now I am trying to figure myself out. Good luck, huh?

I hope that you have a good evening.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


trying2getby
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 11/20/2008 7:16 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you for all your responses. i am still sorting stuff out with myself, and am going to try my best to be comfortable with myself first. i do crave friendships especially when im feeling really low... i am sure in time ill find that one friend that i can lean on and who'll understand me, issues and all.

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/20/2008 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Have one friend who doesn't understand at all, but she looks at life through rose colored glasses.  I don't consider her much of a friend and I have chosen to distance myself from her.

Aurora


Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6484
   Posted 11/21/2008 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi trying2getby

I can relate to what you are saying i to crave friendships and find that my Depression and GAD hold me back from meeting/making new friends and i find this really depressing. I find that when i get depressed i just close myself off to everyone else, as i feel unable to cope with people when i feel this way i think a lot off people think im moody but they dont really understand how im feeling inside. I am not in a relationship at the moment and have not been for a long time i think this is because i feel i have a lot of problems and dont feel that it would be fair to enter into a relationship. I have lost friends in the past which i think was due to my depression.

I do know how you feel and i hope you do meet new friends soon who can help and support you. I suppose i have made friends here on HW and hope you keep posting here and tell us how you are getting on.

Take Care
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