Feeling regretful

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/21/2008 6:41 PM (GMT -6)   
For about almost 2 months my BF and I have been having problems in our relationship. So as a result, I said some things to him that felt "right" at the time, but now I realize I said those things when I was upset and I really didn't mean it. I used to tell him that I was tired of him, wanted him out of my life, and I even told him to leave and go back home (to his mom in Mississippi, where he's from). I also told him that if he didn't leave, then I would. I said these things on more then one occasion. But now after what he told me last night, I wish I could take it all back........
Last night he was online watching videos on YouTube, and he managed to find videos from his home town. One was of a Mardi Gra parade and the others were bands playing at a high school and college. Then out of no where he turned to me and said he had something to tell me. He got up from the desk and sat next to me on the couch. That's when he told me something I never thought I'd hear. He told me that the things I had told him about leaving, and me not wanting him in my life took effect on him while watching the videos. He said that he was going back home to Mississippi and move in with his mom. It's been 10 years since he and I moved from up there, and he's only seen his mom 2 times in that 10 year period. I didn't know what to say so i just said "ok". But I was hurt by what he told me, but I was hiding it from him. As the night went on he talked about what he was planning to do when he goes back. He said that he would buy a car while he's up there and come down to visit me sometimes. To hide my real feelings I acted as if i didn't care. I told him that I didn't want to have anything to do with him if he left and don't bother to visit me. That upset him. He was like "why can't I come see you"? "You told me to leave, you told me to go back home". I replied and said "because it will be my way to pay you back for everything". He said he was going to come see me anyways, I said you'll be wasting your time. We didn't say anything else about it and continued through the night like we normally would. He watched tv, I was online. Then when we went to bed he bought up the subject again and said that it's not that he wants to leave, he's leaving because I told him to. But I only told him that because I was angry and upset which made it seem like what I was really feeling. But now I wish I hadn't said the things I said because now he could be leaving me this tax season coming. He plans to leave when he gets his refund. He's suppose to call his mom today and tell her he's coming home and to see what she has to say about it. Knowing his mom the way I do she'll love for him to come home. But his mom also loves me to death and I don't know how she would feel if he came back without me. What will she say to him? Will she tell him to take me with him? I don't know what to do....... do I tell him how I really feel, that I don't want him to go and we can continue on trying to work out our problems? We were working on putting our relationship back together, but then he comes out of the blue with this news. Or do I not tell him how I feel and let him go home to his mom, without me because of the fact that he's only seen her twice in 2 years. We spoke a little about moving to Mississippi together after we had to deal with that hurricane. I wanted us to move further north so next year we won't be in the direct path of a storm if another threats our area. But now it seems like those plans have changed.......

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/21/2008 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HealingWell.  I am sorry you are in a bad spot right now and I am not judging you here.  I am just going to turn on the lights for you so you can see what I see in your post.
You lived together for 10 years and the last couple of months you were angry and upset yet you thought not a lot of putting him down and not taking into account that your comments were spiteful and hurtful to him.
You admit you felt bad but you never told him you did not mean it and you did not appear to stop the behavior.
Looks like he took you at your word when you kept telling him to go and you did not want him.

That KMBAR is verbal abuse. When someone puts you down over and over you start to believe what they are saying.
I think telling him the truth and apologizing to him should be your first step.  He may forgive you but will he forget what has happened, I don't know.
IMHO I feel you would benefit from a good medical exam by your Physician as it does not strike me that you always treated him like this.
Getting your feelings hurt because he is leaving and you told him too is very unfair to him.  And telling him he can never see you again................
Please see your Doctor as you may have a mental health issue going on and therapy may be your answer.
If you do talk with him and he stays then talk straight to each other, communicate.
As far as his Mother, I am sure she does like you but any Mom will stand by her own child first and  I do not read anywhere that he abused or mistreated you.
I wish you the best and I hope you reread your post and see where you need to make life better.


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
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Post Edited (stkitt) : 11/23/2008 6:29:13 PM (GMT-7)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40404
   Posted 11/21/2008 8:41 PM (GMT -6)   

I too would like to welcome you to HealingWell.

I agree with Kitt. Be honest with him, and the sooner the better.

I wish you the best. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/21/2008 11:58 PM (GMT -6)   
He did call his mom when I went out to run an errand. But I don't know what was said between them. When I got back home he told me he not long ago got off the phone with his mom, but then layed down for a nap. When he gets up i'm sure he'll tell me what was said. And you're right, I had never said these types of things before to him. Now all I can do is tell him I'm sorry and that I didn't mean what was said. Hopefully he would forgive me enough to give it another try.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 11/22/2008 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   

I also agree with Kitt and Karen, honesty is the way to go. But please also be honest with yourself. You know have experienced what will happen if you say the things you feel like saying at a certain time. Maybe you could try and learn to think about the consequences first, the next time there is an argument or chat (with anyone, not just with your friend). I think awareness of that is the purpose of your feelings of regret, since you can't change what is already come to pass.

Take care!
Knuffel! Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

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