Dear Bailey, Not sure of what to call you as you used to post as Willow, now you are signing as Kathy K. Which is your name? Now that we have that over,(please do answer that question) your posts are all so similar. I know you are in a very bad place. First of all you need to have the bleeding checked out. It could be something serious or maybe you have fibroids that cause a lot of bleeding. That should be your first thing to take care of. Next, you need to go to the HUD website that Kitt gave you. It is a wealth of information and probably a way out of your home situation. If you are supporting your parents then their income cannot be considered as yours. I somehow get the feeling you listen to advice given you but you do not follow through with the suggestions. I do not live near you. otherwise I would come and get you and get you out of that house and help you get your own place. We can only give you so much advice, the rest is up to you. You need to check out as many resources as you can possibly find. There are so many out there. And you have a computer and can look up all these things. I am sorry Christmas will be sad for you. Isn't there at least one friend you can call to get together with? If your step father doesn't want to put up a tree then why don't you and your mother do it? You do seem to get around and you must drive if you go to the grocery store and do errands. I do hope you will forgive me for sounding so harsh but your reality is very harsh. And unfortunately you are the only one who can pull yourself out of it. If you go to SSI or low income housing they truly cannot count your parents income and house as yours because you are paying them and essentially supporting them. So your income should be the only one to consider. You must tell these people that fact. And you need to alert someone that you have been abused. Maybe it is time to get the police involved. I don't care what your step father thinks. He has treated you horribly and it is time someone knows about it. I have one other idea for you where you might find friends. You mentioned that your mother has started drinking. There must be an al-anon group in your area that you could go to. They are accepting of everyone and you will meet people and may find some friends and help. I truly hope you will try to find help for yourself. What is your option? To live like this forever? I am sorry for being so straight forward with you. I truly want to see you have a better life - I know it is possible. Please keep posting, I know you need the support and I will always answer you.
Hi again Willow, Karen has made some very good points. There must be a church near you where you can go for Christmas Eve services. That would be a way to lift your spirits. Also, if there is a soup kitchen or some organization where you can give a few hours of your time on Christmas I think that would make the day better for you. I have volunteered at a soup kitchen and I can assure you it really puts things in perspective when you are feeding hungry, homeless people.Look for places to volunteer in your area. You could find out about these possibly from your library or chamber of commerce or if you have a township office. So many places are in need of volunteers it might be a good thing to do on other days too. It would get you out of the house. And then you can start to think more positively. The more you do the more people you will meet. And it could open up all kinds of things for you. I know you have a lot of pain but helping others can take your mind off of yourself. Even going to the library to sit and read would be a fun thing to do. Most libraries have some comfortable chairs where you can sit and just browse through the books and look at the magazines. They even have all of the newspapers to read. I know as I used to work in a library. I personally volunteer at my local Senior Center. I have made so many interesting friends and the Seniors love to talk to me, I think because I am much younger. I work the reception desk so I see everyone coming and going and direct people to their classes or appointments or give tours of the building. I always feel so good after I have finished my shift for the day. These are just suggestions but they are simple ways to get away for awhile and get away from your home stress. I hope you will consider this. Sending you my prayers and hope to hear from you.
I am sorry things are still rough for you but you are the one that has to take care of you. I think it is time for me to start my holiday thread. You are not aone in how you feel about the holidays but you are the one that can make changes in how you feel about it.
Why are you doing things that you know will hurt you and you will get kick in the teeth by your stepdad? Donate the money you would spend on him to a charity of your choice. Don't expect him to be loving and caring. All you doing is proving your right, your feelings get hurt and he does not give a hoot.
If he is mistreating your Mom then call your county services to report your Mom as an vulnerable adult.
We down sized from a big tree to a very small tree as now we go to our children's houses.............and they have big houses. We are still happy.
Please do call HUD and put some work into helping yourself. We support you but rewriting the same posts over and over to you is not helping you, it is only enabling you to continue to remain stuck in one place.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Thank you all so much for your honesty and guidance. I've been involved in al-anon and ACOA for 20 years. I used to get to meetings at least three times a week. I will look into the Hud housing...it sounds like a good idea. I'm on the list for the County's Housing Assistance for over three years and still there has been no openings. I keep in touch with them regularly. I only need an efficiency, but at this point I could not move w/out taking my puppy Bailey with me. He's such a sweetheart and he really is the only good thing in my life.
Oh...My real name is Kathy. I was using the name "Willow" for a computer name for anonimity. Sorry for the confusion.
I do get out a lot. Unfortunately, it's not for myself. I've kind of gotten myself stuck in the 'caretaker' role. If I don't go for groceries, many times we'll go without. My mom and stepdad are not the type of people who would ever accept any help from the outside and they don't have visitors anymore. My mom doesn't like having people in her house and many won't enter b/c of the intensity of cig smoke. I've lost friends b/c of my sdad's crude sexual comments toward any female friends I've had here. I've stopped inviting anyone into this house b/c I know I'll lose that friend. Unfortunately I've had too much experience in that area. I need a friend desperately. I have tried many many times to move away, even leaving the State 3+ times. For reasons beyond my control, I ended up back here. I have no other family at all. My real father was my best friend and my rock. I was going to live with him when my health got too bad for me to work, but he died. I found him dead on the second morning I was there. I hadn't even unpacked my things. Having no place else to go, I found myself back here where I grew up, with my mom and sdad. When I go out it's usually later in the afternoon's or evening, when the pain is a bit more manageable. I usually end up sitting in my car for at least 45 minutes to an hour or more, before being able to drive to my next destination, b/c of the pain. I sit and wait until I feel that I can get into the store, pharmacy, etc... and use eyedrops to try and hide the red eyes I've gotten from crying b/c of the pain and the depression. It's not easy for me to get out, but I'll never stop trying as long as it's safe for me to drive. I keep stretching and moving and won't give up, no matter how bad the pain is. It's embarrassing when people come up to me in the grocery store and ask if I'm okay b/c they see that I'm sweating badly, having trouble breathing and leaning heavily on the cart, b/c the pain gets to be just too much to handle. I've been to the emergency room for help, but was not able to sit until my name would have been called. I wait usually 4 hours and then can't take it anymore before I must lay down...first in my car, and then when I'm able, I try to get home fast as I can, safely, and go back to using the ice packs/heating pad, and just praying hard to God to make the pain stop. I've also told my doctor about the bleeding/female problems. He told me that "even if they did find something wrong, that I could not afford to get proper treatment..." I know he's right b/c I've witnessed this kind of thing all too many times when I was a nurse. My faith is strong though and I believe the Promises in the Bible, where Jesus say's that; "He will never give us more than we can handle...", My favorite is: "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." I apologize if I've offended anyone here by speaking about my beliefs in my Higher Power. My faith is all I have left.
I swear to God on the Bible that I have tried to get Medical Assistance, Food Stamps, etc... 3-4 times and each time I've been denied. The DPA worker denied me each time, telling me that I was over the income limit b/c they honestly DO count my parents income against me. In PA, the Dept. of Public Assistance's criteria for giving one help, goes by the income of "all of the people living in the same household." If there is another way I can get around that rule, I'd be more than greatful for any link/documentation/etc... where it says something/anything, where I could fight their decision.
The decision about the Christmas tree has been made by my mom. Things got pretty bad here earlier today. They have a beautiful artificial christmas tree, but it's become too heavy for my stepdad to get down from the attic and my mom can't do it. It's just too heavy, and now my mom is getting to the point where she doesn't want to celebrate at all. My mom and I do exchange gifts, but I will not be getting anything at all for my sdad. Not to be ugly, but he's already warned us not to get him anything and we won't b/c he just gets ugly. There's no reason for me to call the police. The abuse is no longer physical. It's severe emotional abuse. I have already called the County's Women in Crisis number, but was told that they're so busy they can only help the women who have been being beaten by their spouses, boyfriends, etc... I just need help to get away from the emotional abuse and also need better control over the chronic pain and depression.
I apologize for my posts being similar. I thank God for the computer. It's my connection to the outside world. I guess I've rambled a lot huh? I just need to vent, and I do take all of the guidance and advice seriously and I am trying hard to help myself. I just need strength, a major decrease in the pain so I can carry through with your wonderful suggestions, and really need friends.
I hope everyone here is doing okay. My thoughts and prayers are with you all!
Thank you all so much,
Bailey, your post suggests that you are feeling bad about the replies you are getting. No one here is by any means trying to hurt you. I understand you have a lot of pain and are very lonely. But if you did have to go to the ER you know you have contacts. You have your Mother and you have a stepsister. In a dire emergency I cannot believe they wouldn't respond to you. I feel I have given you a lot of ideas and suggestions. I just don't know what else to tell you. And it seems that no matter what I tell you, you still do not do any of the things we have suggested. Have you truly contacted HUD? Don't you have a church where you can go and talk to a minister? You said you used to go to al-anon. Why not go back? The truth is we can't do the actual work it takes for you to find your own place. You are the only one who can do that. I went through a terrible time in my life when my son, who has epilepsy had uncontrollable seizures. I had just finished cancer treatments. So I wasn't feeling too good. But I went through every thing I could find out about epilepsy, found a new neurologist, contacted the Epilepsy Foundation and found an epilepsy counselor on how to handle our situation. I even found a place that has a group home where he could move to if something were to happen to me. What I am saying is that I exhausted all the possibilities I could think of and find, including looking at all the info on the internet. I'm sure you have heard the saying "God helps those who help themselves." If you want to improve your situation you have to be very proactive and really get out and find anything that will help you. It does you no good to feel bad but not take any actions. You have only mentioned one place you have tried. Keep askiing - one thing leads to another and another.I know your mother, in her heart truly loves you. You do have a roof over your head, food, and a sweet puppy. Please don't be angry at any of us who have tried to help you. This is a very caring group of people and they have helped me more than I can say and I am truly grateful. Please don't abandon us. We do care. You will be very proud of yourself if you can make some small changes. Nothing happens overnight. Just take it one step at a time. And please keep posting here as all of us are very concerned about your well being. I know you came here for support and understanding and I think many of us have listenend and supported you.
Hello, this is Kitt. It feels to me that your situation and depression is seated in your emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse - & yet least talked about. Part of the reason it is so easy for people to overlook is that so that much of what is considered normal & acceptable forms of communication is in fact abusive. Many people don't know that they have been - or are being - emotionally abused. In addition, a lot of emotional abuse doesn't appear to be severe or dramatic, although its effects can be.
Emotional abuse is a series of repeated incidents - whether intentional or not - that insults, threatens, isolates, degrades, humiliates and/or controls another person.
It may include a pattern of one or more of the following abuses: insults, criticisms, aggressive demands or expectations, threats, rejection, neglect, blame, emotional manipulation & control, isolation, punishment, terrorizing, ignoring, or teasing.
Emotional abuse cuts to the core of a person, attacking their very being. Emotional abuse, if frequent enough, is usually internalized by the victim & leaves them feeling fearful, insignificant, unworthy, untrusting, emotionally needy, undeserving & unlovable & as if they were bad, deserving of punishment & to blame.
Survivors of emotional abuse often have a hard time understanding why they feel so bad.
The abuse may not sound like much & often people around them will minimize the experience, telling them it's not so bad. But a climate of disregard for a person's feelings, where one is subjected to constant or frequent criticisms, being yelled at, or being ignored - has a deep & profound effect, attacking the very self-image & confidence of a person.
Tell someone what is happening to you.
• Recognize that the abuse is not your fault.
• Try to see yourself as others do—not as the abuser does.
• If you attend school, seek out support from a teacher or school counselor.
• Stay in touch with friends and family members who reinforce a positive image of you.
• Find a safer environment if threats increase or you fear for your safety or well being.
Make an appointment with social services and make sure they know about your abuse. Explain your parents lifestyle, the exposure to the smoking and how your s-father uses sexual comments in front of your friends.
Your signature includes all of the following dx: Fibromyalgia, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, RSD-CRPS, 11 herniated discs w/ multiple pinched spinal nerves, Osteoarthritis, TMJ, Sleep Apnea, CFS, Narcolepsy, Hypothyroidism, Asthma, Insulin Resistance, Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Bilateral Peripheral Neuropathy (cause unknown)..
Contact the advoctes for these dx and ask for help.
Call Hud, get on every list you can for help. They are out there you just have to look for them and never give up.
You are not alone, we are here to support you but I am going to ask you to please start working on finding help and letting us know who you have contacted and the response you got.
What you find out may help others in your situation.