Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum. I understand exactly what you are saying as your story is similar in the way I behaved at your age. I had a boyfriend at age 15 who I litterally grew out of when I was 17 but he would not leave. He just would not go and he would cry so I stuck with it as everyone thought he was really nice. I guess really nice was not what I was looking for but I let everyone push me into marrying him. Well I acted out alright, I regret now my behavior. I should have been strong enough to find someone to talk it out with but I always did what others thought I should and it ended very sadly for both of us after 7 years.
Right now you need professional help and don't hold back with your therapist.
As for the boyfriend, you are not ready to make a commitment, you just feel insecure and unsure. Leave him out of the picture for now and perhaps in the future you will get back together but you both need to work out your own problems.
Bless you and know we care.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*