How and when should I forgive my parents

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supersupper
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/8/2008 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I just want to say that im in a stable place right now, even though I still feel my depression a lot. and im 18

I just want to say that my depression started when I was 12 and it was probably because of my parents; they worked constantly in highly stressful jobs where they would bring their stress home. My mom had a rough childhood that made her a cold person and not very warm and fuzzy. Anyway I was meeting with my school guidance counselor because I had no one to talk to and i said something about wanting to die. By law, she had to call my parents for a meeting one week later. It was the worst week of my life.

My mom mocked me every time I got upset and one time she had the nerve to say this in a snarky voice

"If you feel so upset, why don't you just kill yourself so everyone else can be happy." then she laughed and walked away

Later in the week my dad came home, i don't know if he was drunk or just stressed out, but he got mad at me and chased me around the house with a butcher knife, threatening to kill me. I got to the bathroom and locked myself in for 2 hours and wouldn't come out until i knew it was safe.

Now we've all gone to therapy and they are legitimately helping me feel better and i appreciate it. I don't want to lose my parents especially since the past 2 years have been great for us, but deep down i still blame them for why i can't make friends since Im uptight and not very trusting. Any general advice would be helpful. Thanks.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 12/8/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I would suggest that you stop blaming them and work on being less uptight and more trusting. You can not hold other people responsible for the way that you feel. That is something that we own. They may have caused you to get insecure, but in order for you to heal, you have to take the responsibility for your own feelings. You have to work on getting better.

Your counselor should be able to help you with this with cognative behavioral therapy. But you have to do the work. If you want to get stronger and feel better you have to stop blaming your parents for your feelings and actions. Own the responsibility. You have started by coming here and seeing a counselor. I suggest you continue with both. We are here to help you as much as we can, but remember, you get the work.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/8/2008 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Super,

Once we understand we are human, with flaws, weakness, and faults, we hope to be forgiven, and in turn, we learn to forgive others, because they are only human as well.

Keep in mind that an anger harbored in your soul turns into resentment, then fear and hatred, and then a cancer, so imagine a worse-case scenario, count your blessings, and again, move on. None of us are perfect, and some are woefully less so than others. Forgiving is good for the soul.

This does not mean you have to forget the injustice but perhaps you will learn to never floow in the same footsteps as your parents did with you.

I am glad your all in therapy. :-)

Gentle Hugs
Kitt


 

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& GERD  Forums
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mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 12/8/2008 11:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Both Kit and Karen are right on the money.Every kid on earth blames there mom and dad for there problems.Even if you have the worst parents in the world at some point you have to take contol of your life and make it better.Only you can make you better and you cant do that if you are steal blaming your mom and dad.I am not saying thay were not bad parents but thay are the only ones you have.I get the idea that your mom at lest did not have the best parents in the world eather.She is in the same place as you.you both need to late the past go and work on yourselfs so that the future can be better.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 12/9/2008 3:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Super!

Awesome to hear that you are in therapy right now and that it is working! I agree with what Karen, Kitt, and mom said.

Super, does blaming your parent's make you feel happy inside? If not, what I think is most likely, maybe you could look further for something that will give you that warm feeling. I believe forgiveness can give you that. Imagine a world where you can forgive anything and everything that comes your way. There would be no more negativity. Isn't that something worth trying?

If you can truly forgive your parent's, they will become perfect in their own way. If you can forgive everything, everything will become equally perfect. A quote by the Buddha demonstrates this:

How wonderful!
How wonderful!
All things are
perfect
exactly as they
are


I know all of the above might sound far fetch, but isn't a happier life, even a life without negativity, worth fighting for?

Take care super!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

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