Depression,Cancer and all the crap

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snowflake
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/12/2008 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
As some of you know i have been getting treatment for a while now for all of the above .
This past month i have seen the drs so many times .The results from the recent tests are in and they are not good ( thats doesn`t surprise me somehow )
The recents tests have confirmed a new agressive cancer .They tell me i need more plastic surgery but am so worried as i`m not happy with the results from the first lot .
I`m suppose to see my oncologist next week as i just could not go back there this week .I only got home a few days ago and just could not turn around and go back .
So much or christmas this year we don`t even have the tree up this year i just have not had the energy to put it up and everyone else is just too darn lazy to do it .I just do not feel like celebrating very much at all .
The drs here has doubled the morphine for pain control and when i take it i feel so good i`m amazed at how much i can achieve in a couple of hours ( just the housework ) but then by the time lunch time arrives i`m back to being so sick again all i can do is lie down and sleep usually for about four hours .
Tonight i`m looking after two little boys they are here with me at present all but asleep they are no trouble whatso ever and infact have missed them so much .
I didn`t have any pai relief today knowing i was going to come up to their home tonight but i feel as though it`s going to be a very long night .
Snowflake

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 12/12/2008 4:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Snowflake,

You sound so tired. I hope that you are feeling better soon. I am sorry to hear that your test results are not so good.

We haven't got our tree up yet either, I guess we don't feel much like celebrating christmas, but we will put it up this weekend & start trying to feel festive!!

I hope that your night doesn't drag out too much!!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/12/2008 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
My dear Snowflake,

It is so nice to hear from you. And I am happy that you have the boys to watch.

We are all praying for you right now. If you dont' feel like putting up the tree, then just let it go. There will be many other Christmasses. I promise that.

I sure hope that you feel better soon. And that everything works out for you. You hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget how you were there for me a couple of months ago.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/12/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Snowflake,

Hey there darlin, can I borrow some MS, did not know it gave you energy.

Tell that lazy family of yours that you need help and make them a list................and check it off twice.  The girls can put up the tree and take over that part or no presents for her.  Hubby needs a good butt whooping. 

I wish we caould all come down and provide you with the best Christmas ever but you get back that fighting spirit and never give up.  I am sorry the news at the Cancer Doctor's was not so good.  You fight to win my friend and know I am here praying.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/13/2008 3:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I am tired just too tired to keep fighting .
I finally arrived home at about 11:20 last night but it was a good break away from my home and i do so love those two little guys the littles one pestered his mum today until she bought him up to my house for a while .
I actually fell asleep while up there something i have never done befroe when looking after others little ones eventhough it was only for a short time it was a bit of a shock for me to of done that .
Today i had to take my daughter down to where she works as the boss wanted to talk to her as it turned out she didn`t do what she was asked to do last night ( why it never surprises me of hearing this .)I just told her boss she is exactly like it at home all the time .I was just so sick and tired i didn`t need her winging to me all morning about whay i told her boss then tonight she told hubby what i said .He then told her that it was up to her to change it noone else .( i had a bit of a laugh to myself as she expected him to go crook one me for saying it .
Tomorrow i will set them out to put up the tree as it really doesn`t bother me if we do or don`t have one and as for presents would you believe the only two gifts we have bought so far are the two youngest ones thats all .I have not felt in the mood for shopping and even hubby told the others christmas will be put on hold this christmas until we see how things go at the drs on wednesday .
Just thought i would send a quick reply as now i`m going to try and get some sleep hopefully tomorrow i will have a bit more energy to get things done .
Take care one and all .
Snowflake

snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/18/2008 4:38 AM (GMT -7)   
just when you think things couldn`t get much worse .Then another dr comes along and drops a bomb shell on you .This week i was talking to my oncologist as the last specialist had found another cancer this one a different sort to the other one .
The oncologist told me it`s really rare to have two like this and he wants to make totally sure it is before he does surgery .When he started talking amputation i started to freak out .He then told me depending on what it looks like when i go back depends on how much he has to cut off .
I just do not want this at all the impact will end a lot of things for me talk about being depressed after the last lot of surgery this is just not so good at all .I do not like what the results of the last surgery left me and this is definately not a good thing either .
Snowflake

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 12/18/2008 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowflake,

I know it is easy for me to say, but try not to think too far ahead and try not to think the worst, You will know more next time you see the doctor. try to take one day at a time until then.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/18/2008 5:27 AM (GMT -7)   
\snowflake,

I am so happy that your husband stood up for you where your daughter was concerned. You need that backing from him. Hopefully she will start changing when she sees that dad isn't going to stick up for her all of the time.

I am sorry that you are going through so much with your cancer. I hope that you don't have to have much surgery done. I am thinking about you and praying for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/19/2008 10:56 PM (GMT -7)   
It pretty hard not to think what lies down the track especially when it will mos certainly change a lot of things .
This year christmas will be very low keyed as we are just not sure what the new year will bring and how much we can afford .
One thing is now maybe the kids might realise just how serious things are ...but then again going by my sons comments when we went out for coffee this morning it`s just a laughing matter to them ,or maybe their way of handeling things i am really not sure .
I `m not looking forward now to spending christmas with the inlaws would just rather stay home alone but i know thats not going to happen .
As it is i just do not want to do anything ,cook clean even the simpliest things are just so hard .
I do not want to go to my dr here and talk to him about how i`m really feeling as i know he will want to put me back on meds again and i just don`t want that .For now the morphine and valium and the occassional sleeping pill are getting me through as for what happens in each day i am just taking it as it comes not much else i can do .Just when i would like to talk to someone i have no one here .I`m frightened as to the outcome and if i even want to go through it all .
Snowflake

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/20/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Snowflake,

I having been dealing with so many kinds of cancer I was wondering if you would want to email me and share your details of the cancer surgery you have had and what the new one is suspected of being.

I know I cannot cure cancer but I have learned a lot  this past year alone re this disease.

Hugs to you my dear friend.

Luvs

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/20/2008 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Stkitt i sent you an email i hope it went through
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/20/2008 7:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowflake,

I know what you are going through must be so difficult right now. You know that you are always welcome to email me too. I don't have the answers for the cancer, but I can still be there for you.

I hope that you are feeling okay. At least as well as can be expected. Take time for self nurturing. You do deserve a little pampering now and then. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/20/2008 11:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen i just thing=k its a lot of not knowing whats ahead and how it`s going to effect me ,Dealing with the cancer has been really difficult given the fact i`m finding it extreemily hard to cope with the depression and all that has happened.These past few weeks have been really hard and am finding it increasingly hard to be motivated to do anything .All i want to do is lie down but as soon as i dissappear for a few moments someone is eother knocking on my door wondering where i am or are making so much noise it`s impossible to get some rest .
My past ,my depression and now the cancer is making it just so hard and the htought of what lies ahead is all just too much for me to handle atm .
I manage to do the washing but thats as far as it goes dinner is cooked most nights but then by the time meal times come around i just do not feel like eating .
I wake up each morning feeling just so sick i don`t want to get up and would just love to stay in bed for the day but i know it`s just not possible as my house would never get cleaned .
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/21/2008 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Snowflake,

Couldn't you just one day, let your house get dirty and give yourself a day of rest? Just pamper yourself for that day. Tell your family they are on their own and you are going to do something nice for yourself. Even if it is to just rest? Why don't you try it? JUst this one time.

I know what you are going through has to be frightening. You seem to be doing it all by yourself too. With no encouragement from your family. Just remember we are all behind you and care about you.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/21/2008 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen yesterday i decided to go to bed .I had so many interruptions from the two kids here i thought whats the point of it all .Anyway i just stayed on my bed and finally fell asleep i was still asleep at 8pm when hubby came home .
I had dinner cooking in the slow cookr so i didnt have to worry about cooking .After dinner i went back to bed i was just so tired and in so much pain .
This morning i got up still feeling unwell and when i went out to the kitchen was shocked to find everything where i had left it .
They couldn`t even pack the dirty dishes in the washer or even bother to place the remainder of the meal in the fridge so i had to do it all .
I have spent the morning in tears it`s been a while since i have been this low ,Afriend dropped in to wish me merry christmas and i was just so upset .
She does understand and has gone through a lot in her life our boys have grown up together and although i do not like some of the things she lets her boys do my son sees what the results of them are and has often told me he doesn`t want to stay there because of it but still they are the greatest of mates .I just do not like talking to anyone from here about my problems as everyone talks at some stage and i`m the one who always seems to end up being hurt .
I am washing today again but think i will lie down again this afternoon just to have some time to myself .
I think now hubby has heard from the drs about the cancers he is a bit more understanding but then he is only here for a few days a week due to work .
Snowflake .

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/21/2008 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Though nobody helped pick up, and you had extra to do, did you still enjoy some of the time to yourself? \Because that was what the main objective was after all. I don't think any of us really expected them to help you anyways. I just hope that on your down time, that you were able to do something nice for yourself and were able to relax.

Let me know how it went.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/21/2008 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Karen what a day .Have spent just about the hole time in tears .I had to see the dr and he is concerned that i need someone to talk to .He suggested a councillor but i just don`t want to go there again and i told him no to the anti depressants i just have had enough of them and their effects directly and indirectly on me .I think he understands but not so sure .As i told him i have seem so many drs and am at the stage i just don`t know what to do .like everyone says he did also dont worry but then it`s me sitting on this side of the fence not him .I can go and talk to him anytime he said it`s not a problem but to me it is .
I come home this ferral child has music blaring in every room she can i am so close to telling hubby that i`m not going with them for christmas i just want to be on my own .I know if i do tell him there will be arguements left and right it`s just the kids i don`t want to be around not him .
As for lying down today it`s just not going to happen unless i totally knock myself out it`s so easy to do believe me .But instead i have so many things that have to be done .
tonights tea will be ever so simple and i`m going to bed with the concoction of pills the dr told me to take all of which i was ever so weary of mixing but he knows best .Karen as for doing something just for me well i`m sorry it has to wait for another day now .
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/22/2008 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Snowflake,

I am so sorry about your circumstances. But I still feel that you always put everybody else first when you could take a day for yourself.

I know that you want to be alone for the holidays. It would be a nice break for you. But for some reason I have a suspicion that isn't going to happen. You are too much of a giver.

Do you have any animals that you are nurturing at the moment? I know how much you enjoy that. It brings you close to the Lord and that is important right now.

We are getting doused with snow right now. I don't think it will ever stop. I am sick of it already. But we have had an uncomomnly cold and snowy winter. I hope the rest of it is mild. But if wishes were horses, beggers like me would surely be riding. LOL...

I hope that you are feeling better today. I know that you are up against a lot. And I truly wish that you could take a little time for just you.

Take care, keep in touch.

Love Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/22/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Morning Karen,Yet another night witout much sleep even with the med mixture the dr prescribed i thought it would of certainly knocked me out and here it was well before six am and i was awake.Aleady my head is thumping and the old stomach churning not the best of ways to start what is going to be an extremly busy day.
Last night it talked to hubby about a few things including my fears about the cancer and upcoming surgery he understands fully my fears and said infact he was concerned as to the outcome also .I asked him to talk to the kids about their behaviour as i had told him that after todays delightful treatment from one certain person that i was finding it just so hard to cope .Not sure he did or not but supppose today will tell .
And you are right Karen i know i wont stay home alone even though i would dearly love to but did tell hubby i would just prefer to this time .
Oh what i would give for some snow the heat here is making things hard but after 30yrs out here ou would recon that i would be use to the heat of the Aussie summers but maybe it`s just an age thingy where my tollerance isn`t what it normally would be.
Well i had better head off i have a bit to do today ans the sooner i get it done the sooner i get to lie down before we go .
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/22/2008 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowflake,

I will send you some pictures of the snow. We have enough to share some. I really wish we would get some warmer weather so that I could enjoy it. But it has been extra cold.

I spent Saturday with the grandkids. We had our Christmas that day. It was really nice. The kids were all so happy with their gifts.

I hope that your hubby can talk to your daughter and maybe put some sense into her. I am so sorry that she is so disrespectful towards you. It just isn't right. You deserve so much better. I am praying for you.

I hope that you have a lovely day today and that your energy level perks up and your pain diminishes. Please know that I am thinking about you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/22/2008 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Snowflake,

I just found your email in my spam so I will answer it tonight.......I am so sorry I just found it.  I here for you my dear friend. I understand, I truly do.

Love

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/28/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Well all i can say is thank goodness christmas is over for another year .We spent it with the inlaws which was not so bad .I slept a geart deal of the time on and off .Went shopping witht he family on christams eve but was just too much for me .Not only not being able to breathe that well i was so sick and only just made it home .Even my MIL commented on how awful i looked so found the best place was bed and thats where i spent most of the time .
Have been home a few days now and had hoped that things might of picked up a bit but not the case just feel as though i`m so drained .
So now i suppose all i can d is to wait until the drs appointments it`s just so hard not to worry about it knowing what there has to be done .
Not much here to keep my mind off things either s i`m not interested in watching TV or movies as for reading i trid but gave up after reading the same page over and over again and still had no idea what i just read .
I hope everyone hd a nice christmas weather of not your household celebrated it or not just time to relax was a good thing .
Take care one and all .
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/29/2008 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowflake,

I am so glad to hear from you. I am sorry that you didn't feel good over the holidays. But it seems that your mil was very understanding and I am glad that you were able to rest.

I think about you often. I know that we talk sometimes on facebook (though I am not very good at it), but , feel free to email me at anytime. I would love to hear from you.

I hope that you are having a better day. And I too am glad that the holidays are over. Though it went well. We did our Christmas early with the kids, so Christmas day was nice and quiet.

Have a good day,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/29/2008 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen on thing is for sure i do have a lovely mother in law she has been great right from the start and has been there is i have needed her ,but some things she just does not know and thats how i want to keep it .
I have been in so much pain these past couple of days and i know i should go back to see my dr but i just don`t have the energy .It`s bad enough trying to move around here but will give it a few more days and see how it goes .
The kids here had their christmas a couple of days early as we were not going to take everything up with us .They actually got to do their shopping on christmas eve as there was no way we could get away to do it before then with having to go and see all the drs .I had to leave hubby with them as i was just too sick to even walk around the crowded streets .
Last night i told hubby i was going to leave the dishes just to see if the kids would even stack the dish washer and as you guessed it they were still sitting there this morning .Well tonight we will see them scream and yell at me because i`m not cooking tea for them at all they can do it themselves and eat of the dirty dishes for all i care .
Well i have a basket of ironing to do today and that going to be it not planning on doing anything else .
Snowflake

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/29/2008 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowflake,

You still get a lot done for not feeling good. I have been sick with a cold and my dishes seemed like they were stacked to the ceiling. I got them done today plus some vacuuming. But still not feeling that great. Just couldn't stand to look at them anymore. My hb has been doing all of the cooking. Plus did some laundry. He is so good at helping when I am sick, the problem is that he is sick too. We both have the same crud.

I am sorry that your kids aren't haelping. Maybe like you said, when they don't get their tea they will do something. Do you ever ask them or tell them to pitch in? Or have you already tried that? You would think that at the age that they are at, that they would see that you need help with things. I would hate for them to say later "if only we would have helped". I wish they could see it now. For your sake.

We have had some pretty crappy weather. It rained for two days on top of the snow. Today the sun came out for a while. Then it got cloudy and cold. The wind got bad, it was like a blizzard. I can't believe how the temperature drops around here. I wish that we could catch a break. That would be so nice. It could be a very long winter.

I guess that all I can say is one day at a time for all of us. That is about the only thing that we can do. We are coming up to the hardest time of the year. I know that we will all be there to help eachother.

Best wishes for you to have a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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