Questions ? - New Member

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/20/2008 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Posted Yesterday 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   by Questions?
 
I just found this website tonight. Of course I was looking for direction and help--obviously. My girlfriend/significant other of 12 years, has gone through depression issues the whole time I have known her. And she says as long as she can remember, even as a child. Through the years, she's tried different medications. They seem to work for awhile then she seems to get really depressed and it dawns on her to talk to her dr about changing.
Though for the last couple of months, she has been worse than I have ever seen her. I try to "help" but I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just try to be supportive, sometimes I urge her to just get out of bed and shower that she will feel better, sometimes I get mad and say she is not even trying. I know the last is really not helpful but there are days I just feel so helpless and she is so miserable.
She has an appointment on Monday to see a therapist but I don't think she can get involved with the medications. So this is what I need to know, how do dr's know what drugs to put people on and how much etc???

Are there tests that can be run to check hormonal imbalances? I don't understand how drugs can be working but then stop.

She is also showing very self destructive signs and never done that before either. Like saying, she is just so tired of feeling like this and can't take it anymore. Or there is no one that understands or loves her. That she just wants it all to stop.

I know the worst is for the person depressed but for the people that is very much affected by the depressions and loves them, you feel horrible that your loved one is in such pain but you can do NOTHING. It is miserable!
 
questions?
New Member

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 12/20/2008 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Questions,

And welcome to healing well.

Pretty much the only thing that you can do is stand by her and support her. It often takes a while to find out the proper medications that work for that individual. So it really isn't easy. It took me a while, a few years I should say, to get the right medication for me. My doctor tried about five different meds before she got it right.

I guess with all the schooling that the doctors have, it is still a matter of what exactly is wrong with the patient before they can decide what to try. And like I say, it doesn't always work. Maybe the patient isn't always clear on what is bothering them. I don't know. And the switching of medications means that you are starting all over and it can take up to four to six weeks until it is at it's full effect. So try to be patient. It could take a while, but I am sure the doctor will find what is right for her soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/21/2008 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello Questions?

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  Karen has given you some great words of wisdom. I just want to add I have had depression for 24 years and I can understand how the meds don't work.

I took one med for 14 years and it worked like a charm and then it pooped out, now I have been on the merry-go-round for 3 years trying to find the right med.

Depression is not fun.  I am glad you are supporting her.  You are a good person but do remember to take care of you too.

Again Welcome.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 12/21/2008 2:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello questions, fighting depression is not an eazy fight, not just for the patient, for those around him, I have depression for over 9 years and lots of ups and downs, this affected my whole family, parents brothers uncles even uncle's wifes and kids, it was nice to see how much they all care about me, but sadly sometimes there is little they can do to help when I'm doing really bad.. but knowing they are supporting me and thinking about me is important, and in the end it's the #1 reason I want to get better, not letting them down. I'm much better than before but I had to go through hospitalization twice before getting better, still fighting everyday trying to become even better I have a lot of issues I need to work on.

I wish the best for you and your girlfriend :)
                                                     To be or not to Be


questions?
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/21/2008 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I have never "chatted" before but when I found this site and read for hours. I felt an overwhelming need to talk to people that have experienced the same issues. So that was helpful.

I am in this weird place that I have never been with my girlfriend before. After 12 years, I wouldn't have thought that I would not know what to do, say, or how to act. I catch myself coddling her. Asking her, "are you cold", "thirsty", "want to go to bed". I am just trying to make her comfortable, release her from any little bit of stress I can. But I am sure she can see through it.

I don't know what causes depression, but I know that my girlfriend had a very bad relationship with her parents and still does. I know that she asked for help when she was younger and her parents told her to talk to her pastor instead of getting professional help. There are many issues that I hope she can work through. I know that therapy is not a fix all and even if she was to make peace with her parental issues that it wouldn't necessarily "fix" her depression. But I just want to tell parents that might read this--if your child asks for help then get it for them!! Even if it means that you did something wrong! Or you know what--just b/c you CAN procreate doesn't mean everyone should. If you are f'ed up then don't have children.

Sorry for harshness but it is just so exasperating how much a bad parent/child relationship can affect you even many years into adulthood.

I still don't understand the medication thing. Is it just trial in error? Or are there test to check your levels to see if the medication is working? For example, if you have a thyroid issue then you are given medication. But then you take blood test periodically to check your levels to make sure you are taking the right dosage.

Anyway, thanks again. 1st therapy session is tomorrow!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 12/21/2008 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
They will most likely start out with the weaker types of antidepressants. They have ways of telling if they are bi polar, schitzophrenic, psychotic or just plain clinically depressed. By the questoins that they ask and how they react to the doses of meds. That is why you have to be honest when you see a psychiatrist and psychologist. They use the answers to your questoins to determine what type of treatment to do. Once he/she knows what they are working with, then they know what group or antidepressants to use. They start with one kind and work with another until they get it right. Sometimes they get it right the first time around, but usually it takes some time to get the right meds, but it is worth it.

With me it was a combination of two different meds. ONe was helping, but helped even more when they added the next one. I feel very fortunate to had the oppertunity to try this medication.

I hope that I have helped you some. That is the only thing that I know and from experience it was learned.

I kind of understand what you were getting at about her parents. Evidently there was a situation that caused hurting her in the process. And I imagine a lot of denial. She will get better now. It takes a lot of time and hard work, but it is worth it. So be patient and continue coming here. We will help you as much as we can.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/21/2008 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   

I posted this a few days ago for another member and thought it might help you .................... sad

If you're depressed, you'll know exactly what it feels like, but putting it into words is rarely easy. If you're the friend, relation or colleague of a depressed person, it can be very hard to understand exactly what's happening. To sum it up in one word, depression is Hell.

Depending on whether the sufferer is experiencing mild or major depression, the actual strength of the feelings will vary, but the principle is the same - a confusing maelstrom of powerful negative emotions makes everyday tasks seem pointless. The sufferer is permanently miserable, and although in many cases they'll realise that there's no logical reason for them to feel so low, there's very little they can do about it because the emotions in their head are so powerful

Imagine going through day-to-day life, with nothing apparently wrong, but feeling as though every one of your closest relatives has suddenly died, leaving you totally alone. The experience often gets better in the late evening, but returns, just as strong, the following day. Quotes from depressed people compare the experience to;

a slow crawl through Hell

being a leaf in a strong wind

being trapped inside my own head

watching a film of my life

going through a dark grey shadow of life

looking over the suicide cliff

seeing the world through a plate of dark glass

being a kite in a hurricane - I daren't let go of the string
Resource: the Glass Bell Jar

I know you need to take care of you but remember she is sick, and you love her.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/21/2008 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Some of the medications they can do labs on to make sure dose is at theraputic levels, like the Tryciclics.  Others are more or less trial and assessment of patient to see if meds are working.

I will say a prayer for both of you. 

Hope you can find some peace over the Holidays.

Kitt

 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 12/23/2008 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Questions, I have a suggestion, buy your girlfriend this book The Power of your subconscious mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy it's fantastic. I borrowed it from my friend, it helps you understand the workings of your subsonscious mind to increase your motivation. It really helped me a lot as a depressed person, I hope your girlfriend likes reading, this book is only 7.49$ on Amazon.
                                                     To be or not to Be


questions?
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/12/2009 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   

It has been awhile.  I have been quite busy and many things have changed since I last chatted.  Update: Even though at times I "see" my girlfriend more than before.   She is have some self-destructive behaviors like drinking almost everyday to get drunk (which b/4 this she might have a few drinks of mine but never a whole drink in years).  She is not eating and has dropped around 10 pounds in the last few weeks.  Even saying things to her parents to make them so mad they stop talking to her. 

Now we are having issues with her confiding in a person that I don't know.  And I have found some evidence of the other person having feelings for her that is borderline a little "too" friendly.  I have conforted her saying that I don't feel comfortable with this person and I am not sure their advice, comments, and urges are in the best interest of her or ours.  She fights very defensively that this person is a great friend and very helpful with the best intentions.  The borderline comments that I go back to she slufs off as "joking".

We have issues of our own but definitly, this is not helping.  In fact this person is almost a daily issue.  From seeing daily, a text or phone, the "friend" is embedded!

She also has after 2 sessions stopped going to her therapist, saying there is nothing she can do for her.

The good news is we are going today to couples therapy b/c I am too the point that I can't take much more.  It is not about not loving her but love does not fix all.  Which she doesn't understand.  I think you can love someone with all your heart and still hurt them so much they cannot get over it and stay in the relationship.  That is where I don't want us to go.

 

Thank you all again for your support!

 

Any advice?


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 1/12/2009 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that the couples therapy is a very good idea. I don't know what to say about her friend. That might blow over. I hope so. Anyway this is somehting that you can adress at counseling.

Best wishes, I hope this works out good for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/12/2009 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Kudos to you, couples therapy is the best you can do.  Remember to take care of yourself too.  Perhaps some of her feelings will come out in couples therapy and your therapist can guide you both.

Keep us up to date, we are here for you.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 02, 2016 1:16 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,731,736 posts in 300,955 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151128 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Diane82256.
295 Guest(s), 10 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Artist Mark, tennisplayer, Mrs. Brady, Girlie, Park12, Hilander64, 5678, bdavis, Myself 09, fransherrell


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer