Dying easier than living?

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sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/28/2008 10:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi folks. I'm 48 female. Married for 25 yrs. Have 2 wonderful daughters,ages 25 & 23. I have nothing horrible going on in my life right now. I'm on 100 mg of Zoloft - been on that for almost a year. I do a very good job of hiding my depression around family and coworkers. My husband has heart disease, he's had 2 bypasses and an angioplasty starting at age 37 and every 6 years thereafter. The year is exactly six yrs since his last bypass so
I've been waiting with fear for his next heart episode. I am overwhelmed with work at a company I've been at for 18 years. Working at a frantic pace this month and putting in a crazy amount of overtime. When I get to thinking about things, the unhappy days in my life far out weigh the happy days.
My husband is quite dependent on me and would never make it without me. So, I have given it a lot of thought this year and decided once my husband
and mother pass, I don't need to do this thing called life anymore. I'd never commit suicide but have decided not to take any measures to ensure good health. I'm sick of this life and hope that whatever comes after death is as wonderful as heaven is meant to be. I cannot retire until I'm 70 yrs old and just cannot do this for another 20 yrs. Most people are scared to death of a fatal disease - I used to be when my girls were young and still depended on me. Me, I welcome it - bring it on and get me out of this world. I know that must sound crazy to some, but to me it would be my salvation.


Sadsoul

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 12/29/2008 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Soul,

You can't fully enjoy life when you fear death. But in your case, it sounds like though you won't physically end your life, you are doing so mentally in some way. Yes, sometimes life is very hard, near to impossible to enjoy. But don't you ever had moments that brought you pure joy? Like the birth of your daughters? Or something you enjoyed doing when you were young? Because that joy, that happiness, can be brought back to you, if you want.

I am sorry for not being very helpful to you, as I don't quite understand your logics. Because of course you will die some day, as everyone. But instead of trying to have as much joy in the days remaining, you choose to live them in pain and suffering. Of course, we depressed folks have days where we can enjoy nothing, but there has to be something you enjoy. Something you always wanted to do. Why are we going to work every day, why do we have this urge for money, status, power? It is based on fear, a fear of death, a fear of looking odd in the eyes of others, a fear of rejection etc. So instead of acting from fears, is it possible to act from the opposite, love?

Soul, do you want to stay alive if life would be full of pleasure, joy, love and happiness? Because that life does exists, only it doesn't come falling from the sky. We have to work for it. Can you work on your life, try to improve it, to live your remaining days in a better state of mind? That is what seems logical for me.

On a more practical level, it can be such a relief to talk about your depression with others. You have already done so here on HW, but maybe there are people around you that you feel comfortable with sharing. People won't be so compassionate and loving if they don't know anything is wrong. Yet once they do, you will receive those, and I promise it will make you feel better at that moment.

Soul, I just don't know what to say, and I am so sorry if all of this makes you feel even worse. But please remember there are so many people out there that love you just for being who you are.

All the best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 12/29/2008 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Soul,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough place right now. I too agree that dieing is easier than living. But don't try to predict what is going to happen in the future.

I lost my first husband about eight years ago. I never thought I would marry again. But I met a marvelous man and got married last December. So things change. You are living a stressful life. But try to take it one day at a time and go with it. Good things do happen in life, believe me. You never know what is around the next corner.

I hope that you feel better and can have a better outlook. Things arent always as bleak as they seem.

Keep posting, as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 12/29/2008 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Mazz,

I moved your post from one to another since somehow this thread got double posted. I just don't know how to change the part on the left where your name is.

I hope I did this right.

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/29/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mazz,
I can understand how you are feeling because i have felt it for ages but for different reasons .
First you are doing a wonderful job being there for others and it`s been a long time no wonder you are so tired .Have you ever thought of going away by yourself .get some other family member to step into your shoes for a week or even a few days .To be there for your hubby if needed you need to take some time to you .
The job you work at is very demanding and i think the fear of loosing it at a time when it is so improtant to pay the bills .This time of the year puts a strain on so many of the employees no matter what job it is is so great .Lets hope the new year things will settle down for you a bit .
Maybe it`s time your meds were changed especially if the current one isn`t helping anymore .
Your daughters are old enough to understand what a strain life has put on you so is your hubby even though he has his problems ,Your are a family and familys are supposed to work as one they are there to share the problems not dump them on one person and let them take care of it all .
Believe me you do not want cancer or anything like it .It eats away at you little by little and to have the strength to fight it is a constant battle that only the one with it truely understands .
There are lots of things in life still ahead of you even though your current situation is hiding it .If or when your hubby passes another door will open up for you and i`m sure it will lead to something more rewarding than your current situation .
All the best and hang in there girl keep fighting with aall your strength .
Snowflake

sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/29/2008 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all who replied. My fantasy is quiting my job and moving to Florida. But, unfortunately, it's just a fantasy. I carry the health insurance for myself and my husband and we both have pre-existing conditions. I work in a business that other companies such as ours have been going under. My company has more than doubled our production offices but not added onto the support staff, which I am one of. They do not give raises - there is always a freeze on them - haven't had a pay increase in over 5 yrs. They say it's not their problem to maintain our lifestyle. I have too much time invested in this company. They gave me stock of which I haven't seen a cent over and then tacked an add'l $10,000 on to my w-2 last year for
the stock which caused us to pay out over $2000 in taxes. My point is, I'm stuck there. We need the health insurance and it is not a good time to change jobs in my profession. I have put in an incredible amount of overtime this past week and have brought work home with me tonight. I need to get started on it because I've got a good 4 hours to do. It's not a choice. If I don't do it, we will have screaming unhappy customers tomorrow.
I am always overwhelmed and just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel except for the final light. I sure don't wish cancer on myself as I've seen enough people go that way and it's horrible. I just can't bear to continue with this much longer and keep my sanity. My nerves are shot and I find it almost impossible to relax. I also take a small dose of seraqel and clonazapam but neither one are helping too much right now.

Thanks for listening to me gripe. I know I have a very negative attitude right now but don't see it changing unless something in my life changes, and I haven't got a clue what that would be.

deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 12/30/2008 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Sadsoul. I too so understand how you are feeling, but for different reasons. My husband of 30 yrs has clinical depression. He is just so unpredictable and life has been like a roller coaster ride with most of the time being stuck in the middle of a giant hill. This has so profoundly affected me that I no longer am the same person I was before. I too hope for an ending rather then a continuence of more of the same stress and uncertainty. That "light" at the end of the tunnel sometimes seems so far away and elusive. I say this to you not to make you feel worse but to let you see that you are not alone in how you feel. When I read your note it helped me see that my reaction to my situation is somewhat "normal" and that others must have gone thru their tunnels and arrived at the other end. I guess I see hope in your message. A type of hope that I haven't seen before. We will all get thru our tunnels----i guess at the pace that we are suppose to get thru them. I am hoping for a better new year and I wish you all the best. Thanks for letting me see that I have a "soulmate" in this journey. I somehow feel less alone. Debbie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Sadsoul,

I understand where your coming from and what you are going through.  I am going through a sad time right now, but I will continue to fight and I hope you will too.  I believe you will.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are worth much more. I know you said you just want your life to be over but you are needed here in this world as you have work to do yet.

The MoodGym Training Program has a new site you may want to check out:

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

This site as well as the CBT Site is online and free.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Take care and bless you

Kitt



 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 1/7/2009 6:45:45 AM (GMT-7)


sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/30/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Debbie, it's sure nice to know there's someone out there that feels like me. You feel like you live for others, not for yourself. I have a horrible fear of people I love dying, but no fear of my own death. Kitt, thank you for your kind words and I will have to check out the sites you posted. While I wish for death, I would never act on it. I believe suicide to be a very selfish act and a mortal sin. I want to get into the gates of heaven smilewinkgrin

I know there are so many people out there that have it worse than me, are jobless and would love to be in my shoes. I wish I could hand my miserable job over to someone LOL. I don't feel sorry for myself, I was raised not to. I just feel very old for my age and don't know how in God's name I can continue this for 20+ more years. I'm tired. Work sucks the life out of me. I'm ashamed to admit how jealous I am of people that don't work. A coworker in my dept had surgery a few weeks ago and was home for two weeks on pain meds and I was jealous of her! How crazy is that! I told another coworker that this job is going to give us a heart attack and when it does, we'll be darn glad of it because we won't have to go to work
turn

Everyone on these boards are so nice and supportive. I hope I can do the same for someone else. I'm great at doling out advise for others but rarely heed my own advise LOL

I hope everyone has a nice New Years. I'm taking the day after off, so I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I cannot wait for 5:00 tomorrow.

Best wishes,

Jean

4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 12/31/2008 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear sadsoul,

Sometimes life gets so hard and unbearable, I can understand why you would get to the point you are and feel this way. But life is not supposed to be easy. A book I once read really helped me understand that there is as much joy and happiness as heartache and struggle in life. "The Road Less Travelled", have you read it?

You just sound terribly depressed, but life is a gift. Think about your parents who had you and sacrificed in their lives to bring you here. We all have a purpose, and you are most definetely going thru hard times.

I'm not sure what your beliefs are spiritually, but life is worth living, even in spite of the hardships we all face. For one, you are a mother and well loved.

Have you seen a counselor? Sometimes depression can seem so very overwhelming, but there is always hope, always help and you will feel better eventually.

Love & Hugs,

4support

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 12/31/2008 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi There,

Yes dieing is a lot easier than living. But 4support is right, life isn't suppose to be easy. If we didn't have the hard times, we would never enjoy the good times. There are many obstacles in life and a part of it is getting through it.

But we should be able to enjoy the good things in life. Dealing with depression sometimes makes that hard to even picture.

Just keep posting and take things one day at a time. That is about all we can do. I do recommend counseling as was mentioned above. We all can use the extra support that counseling has to offer.

Keep posting as we are all here for you.

Have a good holiday.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/1/2009 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
im only 28 but i have alot of physical health probs. i have filled out the paperwork stating that if for some reason im on life support that i want the switch flicked. i have signed DNR papers- if im in an accident and there is a chance i will be a vegetable, id rather they just let me go. i have made my wishes clear to my family who have been surprisingly supportive. they know first hand that its been a tough 28yrs. i am not suicidal and would never commit suicide. howver if through misadventure, accident etc, i dont want to be kept alive by artificial means.

and if i got a horrible disease like cancer or similar, im not sure i have the energy to withstand the treatment as i used to be an oncology nurse and the battle is tough. maybe im too weak. im not afraid of death, i know in what i believe, but like most people im afraid of HOW i would die-

please hang in there- i noticed your on 100mgs Zoloft, maybe you need to increase the dose?

all the best, hope i dont sound too morbid-

Maz XX
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/1/2009 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi There,

Yes dieing is a lot easier than living. But 4support is right, life isn't suppose to be easy. If we didn't have the hard times, we would never enjoy the good times. There are many obstacles in life and a part of it is getting through it.

But we should be able to enjoy the good things in life. Dealing with depression sometimes makes that hard to even picture.

Just keep posting and take things one day at a time. That is about all we can do. I do recommend counseling as was mentioned above. We all can use the extra support that counseling has to offer.

Keep posting as we are all here for you.

Have a good holiday.

Hugs, Karen


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


**KAREN...........I am sorry I thought I was on a/p and changing a post of someones and lo and behold I was here and did this by accident
SO SORRY 
FORGIVE me plz.............Luvs
LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/1/2009 4:32:36 AM (GMT-7)


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/1/2009 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
sadsoul, I want to say that I Think your a brave person, not just for posting here about your issues but how you take care of your husbend and mom and workovertime, that's not eazy, but I urge you to speak to them about your depression don't hide it, if your having hard times it's best to share it with someone who can understand.


Callie T
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/6/2009 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Sadsoul, you and I are thinking along the same lines.  I think about dying all the time.  As a matter of fact, I have taken out a life insurance policy on me for my two kids (ages 19 and 22).  I've told myself that if my situation doesn't get any better in two years, I am very likely to take drastic measures.  Life insurance policies pay out after two years of coverage if the holder commits suicide.
 
However, I fight back those thoughts because I know my two sons will be devastated without me.  I lost my mother when I was only 25 and her death has left a huge void in my life.  I keep reminding myself not to cause my sons the same pain I have been dealing with for the last 15 years.
 
I have struggled with anxiety and depression all my life.  I feel as though the only time I was ever truly happy in my life was when my sons were little.  I also struggle with the fibromyalgia which prevents me from having any social interaction with anyone.  I'm just way too tired and do not feel like having company.  I had to quit attending college because my situation finally became too much for me. 
 
I spend 90% of my time upstairs in my dark bedroom lying in bed and watching TV.  I bet I've watched every program on the History Channel.  I have nothing else to do.  The fibro keeps me from being able to enjoy reading, which was a favorite past time.  It seems the only time I enjoy listening to music anymore is when I'm feeling good on the Adderall.  I've always been an introvert and have never been much of a social creature.  I used to take so much delight in solitary pursuits but now I have lost all interest in anything anymore.
 
Luckily, I'm on Social Security and do not have to work.  But at least when I worked and was out in public around people, it seemed my mood was better.  However, the stress would get me down at times.  Because of the darn fibromyalgia (sorry about the expletive), I would not have the strength or energy to hold down a job even if I wanted to.  Either way, it just seems like a no-win situation all around. 
 
Probably the biggest problem I deal with that contributes to my depression is loneliness.  I am still an attractive lady even at 40, but I have not had a relationship, date, or anything else in over 4 years.  At times I think I want to start dating and will talk to someone on the computer and make plans to go out.  But then I will be so fatigued and overwhelmed with anxiety that I will not follow through.  It's very complicated.  At times I feel like I want someone in my life but I am just too tired to make the effort.  Also, sometimes I'm very grouchy and do not want people around me.  If I were to start a new relationship, I would never want to be around him except when I'm feeling good from my medication.  Most of the time, I would alienate myself from him like I do everyone else and would probably tell him to just stay the heck away from me.
 
I have become a total recluse.  My oldest son is away at college and my youngest son still lives at home with me.  He's about the only person I ever see.  Occasionally, I have contact with my sons' father and his family.  We have stayed close even after all the years he and I have been apart.  I have an ex-boyfriend that comes over occassionally to visit with me or my son.  We've also stayed close.  But there are times when I am very mean and hateful to him.  He has ADHD and is very hyper and talkative.  Because of this, he mentally exhausts me and makes me anxious feeling at times.  Because I am usually so fatigued and not feeling well, I become very irritable and will yell at him to just leave because I'm too tired to have any company.  I even go several days without answering my phone when people call.  I have become totally reclusive and have withdrawn from the whole world.  Living the way I do has made my life hell on Earth and that's why I constantly think about dying all the time.  But somehow, I'll keep hanging in there and hopefully life will get better.  It sure can't get any worse. 

Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 1/6/2009 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Sadsoul,and Callie T, I to understand where your coming from, I'm always telling my therapist I wish I could go to sleep and just not wake up. But I can't commit suicide though, My first Husband did and I had such a hard time dealing with it I couldn't put my girls through the same. And I have two beautiful grandsons that I've waited half my life for I could not put them through the guessing game. It's so hard to live with having someone close to you who has committed suicide. My H did it in 82 and not a day goes by that some how he comes into my mind. I'm always thinking if.... ,if only ...., and it never leaves. And I do believe in GOD, and I want to go to a better place, I don't think I will see him there. There are so many questions everyone has to deal with, and for the rest of your children' s life, their children' s and so on have the questions and comments why. I've even seen it on form's you have to fill out. My girls mean the world to me and I have the best man I could ever have standing beside me. although I think about it I could never act on it.

In 2006 I found out I have Crohn's, and over the years I've struggled with depression, and bipolar disorder. Its been hard to deal with everything, and that's when my mind goes to my first husband. Life sucks a lot of the time but I found if you get someone who can help, someone who supports you, and stand beside you no matter what. The thoughts don't leave you just know you could never act on them..... I push myself for my kids, Crohn's has taken so much away from me it drives me crazy . I had to quit my job because of it. So now I 'm fighting the gov for my SS. I just keep pushing on.....

I hope you two really think before you do anything, someone has to pay, I don't mean money, all the questions, they never go away, and they never get answered. And it will follow your kids the rest of their lives......


Dawn turn yeah
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/6/2009 5:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Callie and NeNe,

Thanks for your replies to my post. I'm sorry to hear each of you are having such a hard time. I would never, ever kill myself. I just sometimes wish, like one of you said, that I'd go to bed and never wake up. I know that's a selfish wish, because my husband, daughters and mom would be devastated, not to mention friends and coworkers. Maybe it's a midlife crisis. I'm still too young to retire (22 yrs to go for full benefits) and too old to
feel young, if that makes any sense. My husband is a wonderful person. Sweetest guy I know. His heart problems have always been exactly six yrs apart. Each time, he nearly died. The first time, they were trying to do an angioplasty (he was only 37 - not overweight) and ruptured his artery. He died and they had to shock him 3 times to bring him back. My oldest daughter at the time was 6 and at my aunts house at the time. She was playing on the floor and looked up at my aunt and said "my dad just called me". My aunt asked her what he said and she said "just that he's thinking about me".
Well, she looked at her watch and found out later, that it was when he had died and they were shocking him to bring him back. Give you chills? It still does me. I asked him about what he remembers from that about a month afterwards and he said all he could remember was thinking about his little girls. He ended up having an emergency bypass - thank God they keep a surgeon on standby when they do an angioplasty. Anyway, besides being crazy busy at a stressful job (I worked 44 hours OT from mid December to New Years Eve) I have this horrible fear that he is just going to drop dead on me. He made it through 2008, so now that it's past 6 yrs, my anxiety about it has gone up a notch. The other 2 heart procedures were almost as bad as the first - something unexpected almost always happens and he nearly dies. He's only 55, but says he is never having another angiogram, and I can't blame him. I think a lot of my depression is because of this. I think I may make an appt with a shrink if I can find one accepting new patients. My GP suggested I might want to after my last appt with her. Oh, and by the way, my Mom is 77 and sharp as a tack. She has a better memory than me. I don't take care of her, I just know how much I mean to her as I'm her only daughter and best friend. I try and spare her the details of my depression, because I don't want her worrying about me. Sorry, I have rambled on. Ladies, here's wishing us all a better year than the last. We can hope, right?

Jean

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/7/2009 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning sadsoul,

Just dropping in to say Happy Wednesday and know I am thinking of you.  You have received so many wonderful replies and that makes me so proud of HealingWell.

We are here for you.  You may email me anytime if you have questions.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/8/2009 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Kitt, that's awful nice of you to be thinking about me
You are right, I have had a lot of wonderful replies. Everyone
on this board is so nice. I had a nice 4 day weekend last week
but am back to hell at work this week. Working overtime and
there is no end in site - this month is going to match last month.
They are finally paying us overtime which will help when I get
my next paycheck. I rec'd a nasty New Year letter from the
State I live in on 1/2/09. They say I did something wrong in
my state tax return from 2005 and enclosed a nice bill for over
$400.00 - over $100 is interest! They must really be digging
for money to cover a budge shortage. Oh, and they expect
payment within 20 days. I've been so busy at work I haven't
had a chance to call them about a payment plan. Well, I just
got my wake up call (from coworker who calls at 7am to get me up - God Love Her!)
Time to get ready for work - wahhhhhh
I hope everyone has a better day than I know mine will be LOL

Jean wink

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/8/2009 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Jean,

My wish for you is a very good day and know that the end is in sight, quitting time does finally show up each day.  I hate doing my taxes so I take them to an accountant. let him make the errors.

I am sorry you had that dumped on you sad

I am glad to hear you had a good  weekend and know I am thinking of you.

Gentle hugs

Happy Thursday

Luvs ya

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


alwaysdown
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/10/2009 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I am almost 52 and am jobless, penniless, transportationless, basically friendless, estranged from children, practically homeless in my brother's studio apt (who is also unemployed and depressed) and there are no jobs to be had here. Although I did apply for a part time job at Blockbuster.
You sound like you have alot going for you.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/10/2009 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   

I am sorry to hear of your situation alwaysdown.  I know that things will get better and perhaps it is time to start a thread on how the economy is affecting our members of Depression.

Do not give up, when you really down, the only way to go is up.

Hugs to you

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/10/2009 9:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there alwaysdown,

I'm sorry things are going so badly for you. I know I am fortunate in many ways. While our lives are quite different, we share a common bond,
depression. While you wish for a good job, I have one but it is so stressful and is consuming so much of my life and time right now, it's
overwhelming. I really hope things improve for you soon.

Best wishes,

Jean

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/11/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Callie T,

Please know you can get out of that hole. You just need to do it. Fight back................I know where your coming from.

I have lost my Father when I was 39, My birth Mother died when I was 18 months old, my son was killed in a car crash when he was 21, my goddaughter shot herself and died at age 24, my oldest sister died in 2007 and my only other sister has stage IV ovarian cancer and headed to surgery in 2 weeks.

I have no aunts and uncles............my oldest son lives on west coast and throughout all that I had many moments when I did not want to be me.............but suicide is permanent and I think you are tougher than that.

Please get help................try our CBT therapy.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations,and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to
feel / act better even if the situation does not change.

CBT

The MoodGym Training Program
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/


I have had anxiety and depression for 26 years.............keep on working toward healing, we are here for you. (((HUGS))))
“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.”Leo F. Buscaglia

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 8/7/2010 11:02:00 PM (GMT-6)


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 1/12/2009 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand completely this desire for a better world in the life to come. I too would not harm myself in anyway, but if I had an incurable disease, I would not fight it. But, life is precious, and if I were really faced with that situation, I would probably change my mind. I don't know.

So many disappointments and unanswered prayers in this life. I had thought that becoming older meant becoming wiser. I have matured in my attitudes and in knowing what's important in life. I have wonderful friends, but not much family left anymore and am single with no children.

I am always puzzled how people with children can feel as you do. I don't mean it as a criticism at all. It's just that it's been the big disappointment in my life that I had none and even though they come with problems, they give life a purpose and having them in your life helps account for time spent in a worthwhile way. A part of you will go on when you are gone, hopefully for their sake in the far distant future.

Children would be my reason to want to live a long time.
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