Am really depressed and I had been doing so well

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 12/29/2008 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I often help others when they post and right now I really need help and understanding.  I am in therapy so I do get help.  This year was the worst Xmas ever for me.  We started the day off fighting and things were like walking on egg shells all day.  Well, Xmas is over. I have been having car trouble for the past 2 weeks.  They finally found out the problem and it is going to cost me at least $600 to repair the car.  I have no job, have been looking for months and can't get anything. I am looking just for part time and don't need benefits. I have 25+ yrs work experience as a manager and I am just looking to do simple office type work but there are no jobs. I have credit card debt which is a lot but I can work that out.  I am living in a house I bought 4 yrs ago.  I moved from a big home where I raised my kids to this small really cute house with a beautiful garden. I have had nothing but bad luck since moving here.  I spent some money to fix the place up and it looks great. Shortly after, 2 months into living here I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to have 2 surgeries and 35 radiation treatments.  Then my son, who has epilepsy had his seizures go out of control.  We went through a year of problems getting him straightened out.  I had a major flood in my basement from the first floor bath and both the bath and basement had to be redone, luckily covered by insurance. But seeing gallons of water pouring into your home is very hard.  I have had one repair after another in this house. I never would have spent any money to fix up the house if I had known I would have so many illnesses. I owe every dr. around here and am on payment plans to all as I can't afford to pay the whole bill.  And I owe the hospital which is going to take me 2 yrs to pay off. I had to have one of my precious dogs put down this year and my asthma went out of control. I also had to have surgery in Oct. for a growth in my uterus. Also, last year I thought I had found an ideal part time job, 3 min from my house.  The job turned out to be a nightmare and I had to quit after 5 months.  I know many others are less fortunate than me and I accept that things could be so much worse for me. But I am really feeling depressed.I keep thinking this is the bad luck house and I would move if I could but I couldn't sell it and I would never get what I paid for it. My retirement fund is dwindling very fast and I am afraid I will outlive my money. I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I just don't know how I will ever get out from under all these problems.I usually am so positive but right now I can see no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what I am asking, maybe just a word or two or a little advice.
 
Aurora sad

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 12/29/2008 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((Aurora)))))

Yes you do always help others, that is the type of person that you are. One wonderful lady.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and the best advice I can give is to take this one day at a time. I can see that you are worrying about the future, though not doing that is much easier said than done. But all that it does is use up your energy.

I hope that you find that part time job. Just keep looking in the paper. Call places that you would like to work and see if they have any openings. They might not now, but down the road they might and they will remember you if you keep bugging them.

I know that it is hard and yes there are people worse off than you, but it doesn't make your problems any less. Yours are just as important as the next person. And you have been through a lot. But now is the time to try to put it all behind you and take things one day at a time. That is all that we can do. I am sure tomorrow will look much brighter.

I hope that things get better for you soon. Keep posting, we are all here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 12/29/2008 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen for your good advice.  I will try harder not to worry about the future too much.  What is in the past is over and it won't be coming back.  I am still quite sad though as I just found out that a friend of mine I had known for 35 yrs just passed away.  I was really shocked so it is going to take me some time before I am myself again.  But as always, a very heartfelt thank you for being my friend and helping me out.
 
Gentle hugs,
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 12/29/2008 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds so unexpected. That is always such a shock to us. Then I think that we start to question our own mortality. Which should tell us to live each day to the fullest. Though we are usually in such a deep loss that we don't think to do that. Did your friend live near you? Was she ill? Just remember that we are here for you. If you ever feel the need, my email is always open. I hope that you are able to get through this okay, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Try to think of the fond memories of your friend.  That will bring you comfort.

Luv and hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 12/29/2008 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora you have indeed been through a lot over the years and there is something good in that and that is you are still here .You have helped so many in the time you have been here it is indeed our time to help you eventhough it be only workds we can offer but you never know one day lady luck will be heading your way yet again .
As Karen suggested keep aplying for positions and there has to be one there just waiting for you to step into .
As for your friend passing it is a hard thing to deal with when you have known one for such a long time it`s going to take time to heal yourself but one thing you do have is the memories you shared use them now to get you through this tough patch it`s the only thing i find that helps .
Remember to get out for a bit even if it`s only a slow walk the fresh air will do you the world of good .Some days when i`m really down i call my daughter and arrange for her to either meet me for a coffee money permitting or to come up and have one here with me just to take my mind off my own problems for a bit .
It`s good you are going to therapy as they are the ones to help the best ( some of them ) they really do understand .
I wish you luck for the future and hope things change for the better just look at 2009 as a new year and a new beninning for the rest of your life .
Snowflake

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/29/2008 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((Aurora)))))
 
Hello my dear friend and I agree you have had a crappy time of it and have a right to feel depressed so I am glad you wrote it all down here.  I am not going to give you a bazillion ways to work on your problems but for now I am going to ask you to just rest, get through the rest of the holiday and then start to look for that job again.
 
I do understand how you feel and as this is your post and I am not going to list all my issues but for one ......having to spend $465.00 for eye exam and new glassses today was like......why not............I will make it. smhair
 
I think I may have found a job and I am going to an orientation on the 7th of January.  It is a substitute school nurse.  I applied back in September and they are just getting around to setting up the orientation.  I never heard that I was hired but they did a background check.
 
Hope they only do state wide check..............lol.
Know you cared and supported here and all luv ya sweetie.
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
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manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/30/2008 12:38 AM (GMT -7)   
 
  Hi Aurora,
 
  I havnt' met you before but read your post tonight while dropping by the forums and was moved by all you are going through.  Just wanted to say I hope things will get better soon and I second what Kitt wrote:  try to get some rest.  :0)  Put on some soothing music, or sit outside in the sunlight (or is it winter where you are too?  :-) )  In any case, just try to give yourself a hug, however that might look.  When so much around us is out of our control, it's always good to reconnect with the things in life that give that sense of stability and everything turning out okay in the end. 
 
  wishing you joy for the journey,
 
  manyembers

Missing Key Value : en-US, 736


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for encouraging me and giving me support.  Right now I am still fighting to control my bad feelings and my grief for my friend who passed.  He was a neighbor for 31 yrs and his wife divorced him and kept him from his child.  I know he was very ill with many, many health issues but I just feel so bad.  I know there is no time limit on grief so I will just cry when I have to.  I am hoping that the coming new year will bring me some peace of mind and hopefully a job.  It is so hard when you are always worrying about finances. When I go to the grocery store I always check prices and then I buy whatever is the cheapest.  Just once I would like to find a good loaf of bread that doesn't cost almost $4. There are so many things I never do anymore as I am afraid to spend any money.  I did go to a movie yesterday and it was wonderful, first showing was only $3 a ticket.  I went by myself but that was OK.  I was able to escape my problems for a couple of hours.  I am praying that my health stays on an even keel this year so I can get these stinkin dr bills over with and not have to go back to any of them. I am really having a pity party aren't I. I am going to see my therapist next Tues. and she always has a way of helping me and making things seem better.  She even reduced my fee. I wish all of my HW friends a happy and healthy New Year.  Maybe we can all make some good progress.

Many hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

I think that with the help of eachother, we can work wonders. Things take time though, but as long as we can encourage eachother, we can make it.

So keep your chin up, give yourself a pat on the back and remember that we are all here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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