husband in hospital

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mattie
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/31/2008 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Well,i am new here and looking for help. On Saturday, my husband wrote 5 suicide letters and made an attempt to kill himself although I do not think he really wanted to because he is too smart of a man and would have done it.
 
We have been married for over 20 years.And over those years we have separated twice due to his chemical imbalance and as a result of his feelings for another woman. This last year and a half has been hell. He has not been diagnosed with anything because he refuses to go.
 
I was so upset on Saturday that i called my brother in law and we had my husband (who went willingly) brought to the ER at a local hospital. 
 
 
After I went to visit him on the first day he said he wanted all of his clothes packed up and brought to his parents. He said he was complete with me.
 
The next visit he told me he never wants to see me again- forever.
 
I am overwhelmed with emotion. I love him still and have so many feelings of my own. Friends have reassured me I did the right thing. But my heart is breaking.

FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 12/31/2008 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Mattie,

You did the right thing, he was harming himself. That said, it doesn't mean he will understand. It will take time but hopefully they can get his meds working and he will understand how you feel about him.

BTW, welcome to the forum! Pull up a chair and stay awhile.
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease and Depression forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
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4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 12/31/2008 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear mattie,

I am so sorry for what you are going thru.  I can imagine the pain of seeing your husband like this and what he is saying to you after 20 years of marriage.  I've been married for 13 to a man I love like anything and he also has an imbalance and puts me and our 2 young children thru hell at times.
 
His words and what he truly means and feels will probably change once he is feeling better.
 
Still, I know how painful this is for you. 
 
This is a wonderful forum filled with many caring and insightful people who understand.
 
Sending hugs & love,
 
4support

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 12/31/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Mattie,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try to remember that this is not your husband talking, but the depression. Once he starts to feel better his actions and words will change. Try to hang on.

We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/31/2008 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Mattie i am so sorry you are gong through this- Karen hit the nail on the head- its not your husband talking, its the illness talking- let that be of some comfort to you. i will send up a prayer for you- you did do the right thing and hopefully your husband accepts treatment and can begin on the road to recovery. my uncle was bipolar and a paranoid schizophrenic, the hardest thing my aunty ever did was have him scheduled, she felt guilty and useless, but in the long run, with meds and therapy, he became a loving hubby and father, a totally functional member of society- you would never have guessed what he went through and what he put others through when his illness had him in that dark pit.

there is always hope- keep us posted

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/1/2009 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
mattie
Hello and Welcome to HealingWell.  I am Kitt.  I do know how you are feeling.
 
You did the right thing and for now I would talk with his physician to see what the plan is as far as his being hospitalized.  Let them guide you to what is best for your husband right now.
 
If it is letting him go to his parents, then think about that.  Remember you husband is a smart man but Depression makes smart people very ill and they do not rationalize their behavior.
 
I do know you are in great emotional pain and I validate your feelings.  Even knowing he is sick does not make the situation feel ok to you.  You are feeling your being blamed by him for doing something wrong..............You interceded on his behalf as he was a danger to himself.
 
Keep talking to us Mattie, we are here for you and you will find comfort, support and words of wisdom here.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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mattie
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/3/2009 10:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi!
Well, I was able to visit him a couple of times and each time it has been better. I even got a hug and a kiss today! Whew big change from the other day where he never wanted to see me again. Said that he realized it was his actions that brought him to the hospital and not my fault. Realized all I was trying to do for him. The next phase for when he is released is an out patient program. 9-3 Monday through Friday. He is taking Lexapro and Klonopin (sorry about the spelling). His diagnosis as of today is that he has manic depression. He is choosing to go to his parents house instead of coming home. Which is ok. I am hoping with treatment and then counseling for both of us that we can make it as amarried couple. I know it is a long road ahead of me and it is confusing beyond belief. But I am taking it one day at a time and looking for a support group! This has space has been a great outlet. Thank you so much for your kind words.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/4/2009 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like things are starting to work out for you. Keep up the good work. You are special and deserve a loving relationship. In time that will happen again. I am glad that you are looking for a support group. Even one on one counseling would help. You need that support.

Best wishes for a good outcome. Be patient.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


mattie
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2009 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
what is a forum moderator?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/4/2009 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Wll, a forum moderator moderates the forum. LOL... Let's see, we make sure that spam gets taken off of the forum. We read all the posts and make sure that everything is going smoothly in the conversations. When things are discussed that aren't suppose to be on the forum, we delete the parts of the discussion that isn't allowed. Basically we are suppose to make sure that everything is going smoothly. But seeing that we usually have the same problems as the members, we usually get in on the conversations. I think that is about the best that I can explain it. I am not all that good at explaining things. If you read the rules, I think there is something about moderating in there.

We do this in our spare time, nobody gets paid, it is all volunteering. Anybody can be a moderator also. But you have to get ahold of administration and ask them about it.

I guess that you could say that we make sure that the rules are followed.

I hope that this made sense to you, like I say, I am not the best at explaining things. But I try.

Oh yes, we welcome the new members too. I knew there would be something that I would forget.

Have a wonderful day,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


mattie
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2009 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   

thank you. you explained it very well. question about depression and a little info. My husband was very confused about what he wanted/wants out of life. He moved out 2 months ago before he hit rock bottom. Although he would call me every day and ask me to go to dinner or the movies. Confusing? YES! He loves me but not sure he wants to be married. We are financially in debt which cause to his stress. And now he has no job- ugh! I am wondering if by taking his medication the lexapro and klonipin if it will help him to figure out his life. He says he loves me and right now just wants to focus on getting well. Which is a very good sign. Would love to hear marriage success stories!

Thank you for all you do moderators!


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/4/2009 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   
One thing that he needs to do right now is take things one thing at a time. If he is looking for future large goals, such as what he wants to do with his life, he will be overwhelmed. Right now he needs to work on small imediate goals. And like I said take it one day at a time. Hopefully, they will work on that with him.

I am sure that the medicatoins would help him. But he has to take them regular in order for them to work. And it takes four to six weeks to get the full benefits of them. I hope that he is on his way there.

I am sorry that the stress is from financial issues. But hopefully once you both get them resolved, he will go back to normal. This could just be situational instead of clinical or chronic.

I really hope that you can get some positive answers soon and that things can get more to a somewhat normalcy.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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