You are a good person having a bad day. I gave up a long time ago trying to be the best and discovered I would never be a Betty Crocker or a Hallmark Grandmother. You gave your best to all so do not go back and doubt yourself. the past is over so stay in the moment.
When you fight and resist the way your life is, you create a state of fear and upset that destroys your effectiveness and almost always makes your situation worse.
You close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision, and you interact in a way that destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.
When you get upset, you think that the upset is caused by what happened, but this is never the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened.
The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions you could never have seen before.
There is a book, Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?. You may want to check you library if you have not read it.
I know it seems we are given more then we can handle at times but we are tougher then we think and even thow we go through tough times we also go through some awesome times.
Hugs for you.
You are not being punished. In fact, the Lord knows how hard it was to try to care for your mother. He is not keeping track of how many times you were impatient. If anything, He just wants to hold you close to His heart and tell you what a good job you did caring for her, because even though it was so hard for you, you kept trying. He is not a fairweather friend. He is constant and unchanging. Ask Him to forgive you for anything you are carrying guilt over, believe He has and allow yourself to forgive yourself. He is love and He doesn't want you to live under guilt.
Thank you HW friends for your very helpful answers. I think what you have said, Kitt, about letting go and not closing down is something I need to work on. And Manyembers I do know in my heart that God does not punish. I am just going thru a hard tiime right now. And I do hope that God is carrying me right now as I am having trouble standing on my own. I guess when you have bills mounting and I keep trying to find a job and can't it is very disheartening. I worry about the bills and then why no one will hire me but all I can do is keep trying. It also doesn't help that it is winter and very cold and snowy and icy as those who live in the Midwest know. It is a struggle to get out of the house with the boots, gloves, hat, scarves. I also have to listen to my son tell me about all the disagreements he and his fiance are having about their wedding in the fall. He is upset because she doesn't want to wear a blue garter and have him take it off and throw it. She says it's sexist. But she has no problem with wanting to throw her bouquet. He feels strongly about the garter as he believes it is wedding tradition and ritual. And he gets upset if I don't listen to all this razzmatazz. So I have the added worry and upset about this wedding that is sounding more and more ridiculous every day. They want me to listen, keep my mouth shut and open my wallet. Well, I have worries about how this marriage is going to work. And he is so afraid of divorce due to his father and I being divorced. Well, this wedding is a whole other set of problems but I can't worry about it now as there are still 10 months to go. I just wish everyone would stop coming to me with all their problems and understand that I have my own. I will try to do the best I can with all your advice and hope that things start to turn for the better. I know that so many others are much worse off so I have to be grateful for what I have.
Thanks Karen, You always have good advice. I am going to have a good evening because I took down all my Xmas decorations and put them away. I still have to do the tree but since its not real I don't have to worry about getting it out yet. So I will enjoy tonight. And tomorrow I will anticipate it being Monday so I can get my car back hopefully repaired and working for a while. I hope you enjoy your evening too.
Sending warm hugs your way and do snuggle up and have a relaxing evening................You always have my support.