Depression in husband

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Rockabilly
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/3/2009 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello All,
 
I'm new here, actually never would have imagined myself joining a depression group, but here I am.  My husband is very depressed.  He has spiraled down into this deep depression over the last month.  It has been a very hard year for us and I think the stress of it all has sent him over the edge.  He cannot make decisions right now so I called his doctor last week and made an appointment for him.  He has just started anti-depressants and is on a sleeping pill.  At this point they have not affected him at all.  Maybe it's too soon.  There is nothing I can say or have said that makes him feel any better.  I thought coming to a source for depression help might help me cope and help him in some way.  I have no experience with depression.  I'm not depressed myself, but it's really hard maintaining my momentum because he is so depressed and so paranoid.  I would appreciate some help.  Thank You.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rocckabilly,

You have come to a good place for advice. It does take a little while, well actually four to six weeks for the antidepressant to reach it's full effect. So be patient.

Have you thought about counseling for yourself. I know that you aren't depressed, but you could use the support and the knowledge of somebody who can guide you through this.

Take it one day at a time. You should start seeing some improvements soon. Though like I said full effects in four to six weeks. But in the meantime, come here to vent or ask questions, we will help you as much as possible.

Best wishes to you and your husband. I hope all works out well for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rocckabilly,
Sorry we have to meet here but welcome to HealingWell.  I am Kitt.
 
You have done all the right things in getting your hubby to a physician.  Are the sleping meds working>  The AD's as Karen mentioned may take 4-6 weeks to see a real improvement so patience is the best I can offer on the meds.
 
Is he in therapy?
 
I know you don't feel you are depressed but sometimes we try to be the strong one and keep it all in when we need to let out the tears and have our own therapist to help us ge through this tough time.
 
Please keep talkng to us.  WE are here for you.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Rockabilly
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
This thing has just blindsided me.  I am calling the doctor in the morning.  Is it better just let him lay in bed and have his brain racing or is it better to encourage him to get up and try to do a little something?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 1/4/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
That is a tough call. There are times when the rest does us good. Often we go to sleep and escape it all. But I can see your concern. Maybe let him stay in bed for a few days and then try to encourage him to get up and do something. Talking to the doctor is the best advice, all I can tell you is what I would be comfortable with. I spent two years in bed, due to fibromyalgia and depression. All I wanted to do was sleep. But it kept me from worrying all of the time. And we all are different.

Keep posting, we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 1/4/2009 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
If he is not sleeping during the day, it is probably best to encourage him to at least do a couple things. Lying restless in bed often makes it even more difficult to get any sleep. Maybe gently prod him to take a shower, change & lay on the couch (or at least just get out of bed & lay on the couch). If there's something you would normally do together (watch TV, eat a meal, read, do puzzles) get that set up for the both of you & tell him you're going to start if he'd like to join you. Start doing it yourself; he just might jump in for a while. Try not to worry if he tires quickly. It's pretty good progress if he at least tried something.

Most sleeping pills should start to work within a day or so. If they haven't helped yet, talk to his doctor. It is way too hard to fight depression if you are sleep deprived. Paranoia can be a direct result of not sleeping. I know for me it always is. Get that under control first & then you can deal with the depression itself.

The counselor & doctor are both great ideas! That way you have partners in helping to get him well. It is so hard to feel encouraged by anything people say when you are really depressed. People would tell me to snap out of it & I would get mad and tell them they didn't understand anything. Others would tell me that it must be so difficult to be so depressed & I would get mad and say they were being patronizing. What felt the best to me, though perhaps it would be different for your husband, was when people would just treat me like normal (even though sometimes I would scream "why won't these people just leave me alone?!"). They would invite me to do things & be okay if I didn't want to go out. They would tell me about their own day & ask about mine. They didn't judge me any more or less than normal. I really can't say why that helped. It just felt so horrible to have people completely change their behavior just because I changed mine. I try to always remember that in my good times and treat others the same when they face times of deep depression.

It sounds like you are being really supportive of him. Even if he can't express it right now, I'm sure there's a part of him that appreciates all your efforts. Once he gets a week or so of sleep, if things are still too unmanageable, perhaps you could talk to his psychiatrist about a Day Program (usually 3-4 hours of intensive outpatient group therapy each day, M-Th/F). There are always lots of options. Hang in there!

Rockabilly
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/5/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank You for your support.  It was a very difficult weekend.  Yesterday, Sunday I made the decision to call his Primary Care Physician and they said take him to the Emergency Room.  I did and after we went through a lot of stuff to get admitted they did admit him yesterday.  They explained their plan to me.  He will have counseling and get the medication he needs and he will have a plan to follow when he leaves the hospital.  The hospital staff was very encouraging and hopeful with even the person who evaluated him for admittance knew I had a 2 hour drive home offered to let me spend the night at her house.  It was raining and foggy last night, but I had to drive home because I had my horses to take care of.  Thank you again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 1/5/2009 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so happy that your husband is getting help with his depression. Hopefully in time, things will get better for the two of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


lundblad
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 1/19/2009 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
You need to remember to take care of yourself too. It is a long road you are facing and your own mental and physical health may suffer because of it, so make a plan for yourself to get out and be with people and find a way to exercise. My husband had the same kind of episode during the summer, and it has been quite bumpy ever since. I try to take care of myself and my son and that helps my focus some.

Rockabilly
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/19/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, we are doing okay.  The medication seems to be working.  We've had good doctors and appointments with a counselor next week.  For me, it's kind of been hard because I have to be the strong one and keep myself positive and "up" which so far I've been able to do.  I do have my horses and barn which helps me a lot and I've started cooking good things for us to eat.
 
Here's something you all might be able to help me with.  The mornings he is not at his best.  His voice is more flat and although I wouldn't necessarily know (if I didn't know him) that he was suffering from depression I would be able to tell he's been sick.  In the afternoon he perks up a lot and I would swear he was just about his old self.  Why is that?  Is it the time of day he takes the medication?  Does it have to start working so he feels better in the afternoon or what I thought is that it's a cumulative type thing which builds on its self every day.
 
Thank You All.
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