Life Decisions

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Spaceman18
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/3/2009 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in a dilemma. Ok so my problem is i've been living here for 5 years with my stepfamily and my dad. My real family is across the lake a little to the north. Couple hours of driving. My 2 sisters and my brother living in that house. I want to go live over their. Especially now since my stepsister who is 37 years old just moved back in after financial troubles, and she is really loud and obnoxious and a treehugger who gets mad when i leave a little pork fat on my plate. I have always felt like i was in a prison when i was i live here and now that my stepsister is here i really feel like im constrained in my room. I have never really got along with my stepfamily or talked to them to that matter. I just stayed here because the highschool was better here. Problem is im in a community college here and im scheduled to start me second semester of my major and my dad is paying for it. I feel if i leave than my dad will flip out and disown me. I am out of a job and he is really paying for everything that i need, since my savings is dry. I also think i am his only real blooded kid here and he will feel alone in this house. I also feel if i move over the lake i will be throwing away yet another good opportunity for me and i will be doing nothing over there or be stuck being a fry cooker the rest of my life (nothing wrong with that just not for me). But i am really not happy here and i feel like im in a prison here. Across the lake i will be with my real family and i will be able to be free and open. I don't have any friends here nor over there. But at least, i will be able to talk to my family and be less constrained. Also they treat me like a baby here and always make sure im fed. If i go across the lake i wouldnt be treated like a kid and it will teach me how to be on my own and fend for myself. That is my question do i go over there where i will be less constrained and happy. Or do i stay here where i will be getting job training for the job i will be doing the rest of my life for free and be buttered up and always fed.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Spaceman18

Welcome to HealingWell.

I think you have figured this out for yourself. It is a 6 of one and 1/2 dozen of the other whether you stay or go.  If you are being supported by your Father and have no job you will be out of school............me, I would tough it out and just ignore the 37 years old stepsister.  She must work or go out.

If you don't eat the pork fat offer it to her.

Just my opinion.

good Luck

Kitt 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/3/2009 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Spaceman, I agree with Kitt.  You may not like living with your step family but you have a home and a father who obviously cares about you and wants the best for you.  How much more school do you have before you finish the program you are in?  If it is not that long then I would stick it out because first of all, your dad is paying for your school, your living expenses and when you finish you will have a degree that will enable you to get the job you want.  Once you are able to have a good resume and find a job you can think about moving back with your mom.  She might expect you to contribute to expenses if you are working but if you had your own apartment you would be paying for everything. I would try to ignore the step sister. That doesn't mean you have to be rude to her but don't let her get to you.  And if she complains about a piece of fat on your plate offer it to her and tell her you are not eating it as you are trying to be careful of your health.You may not like your step family but your situation could be so much worse and before long you will be able to do what you want.  I hope this has helped.

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/3/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Kitt and Aurora,

Stay where they feed you. LOL...

Your education can set you up for the rest of your life, go for it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Spaceman18
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/4/2009 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   
you say tough it out when i've been toughing it out for 5 years. im just sick of this. I shouldn't constantly think about moving out of this place. i dont care about education im just doing it because everybody i know tells me its good for you. man i could be have a good conversation with my dad and as soon a member of my stepfamily comes in the room my mind just draws a blank. man im so ****ed up. my head has been hurting just thinking about this crap, its not even a headache its just my mind constantly thinking about how crappy my life is. man i sometimes think i need to trade bodies with a kid with nothing because i have alot and i suck at using it. im a life failure my mind needs to replaced with someone who wants it. humans are parasites nothing more just working in a bubble day after day for what. why are we here? I was raised a christian and i have lost faith. because it just doesn't make sense. the human mind has evolved to much, why do we have the ability to think like this? my mind has crippled me dddffffffffffffffffffffauslkdfmnkl;asd

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/4/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that you know the consequences of you leaving. Do what is right for you. We think that the education is the best way to go, but if if is that terrible, then move in with your other family. Just remember that it isn't going to be the same. We can't tell you what to do. Just able to give you a more objective look at things.

I wish for you the best.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 1/4/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Spaceman,

As always, you have to decide what to do. It seems like you have already made the decision to go back, and are looking for support. Whatever you choose, you have my support. But it seems everything now is bad, and everything will be better. I don't know whether that is the truth. The grass simply isn't always greener on the other side, even though it might seem so.

But it would help if you could be more open, either to friends, family, or anyone. So if moving back to your real family will get you to be more open, I think that is the choice to make. Education, work, money, a job, they are all important, but only because they are there to make it easier to live a happy life. Happiness is what matters, and if moving back will make you even the slightest bit more happy, it is worth it.

If I recall correctly, you are also 18, and I would love to chat with you sometimes. You can find my email in my profile if you want that, maybe even such a thing as a virtual friend might help :-).

All the best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/4/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Spaceman, I understand how you are feeling. But Karen is right. You need to stay where you are and get your education.  Can you talk to your dad about your step family?  If you give up your education you may have many years down the road where you will say to yourself why didn't I finish my schooling.  And you don't know what the living conditions will be like if you move back to your mom's home.  You may be expected to pay your share of expenses and without an education you may not be able to find a decent job.  You need to think this thru rationally.  The economy is terrible which you must know.  The people who are getting hired for good jobs have an education and skills to offer an employer. I have a degree and 25 yrs experience as a top manager.  I am not working now due to illness this last year and I have a very impressive resume and I can't even get a part time job.  I live in a big city and there is nothing out there.  Most companies are cutting back their workforce, not hiring. You need to stop worryng about your step famly and take care of you.  Just try to ignore them or go to your room to escape them.  Ask your dad for advice on getting along with them. He seems to care about you very much. Please don't do anything you are going to regret and not be able to change later. Please post again and let us know how you are.

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/4/2009 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Spaceman,

You have been given advice and options and they have all been given with kindness and caring. We are more then happy to support your decision, but give yourself some time to think this through before you knee jerk and then are sorry later.

How close are you to the family that is living with your Mother.........have you talked to your Mother?  You have said your Dad is the one you can count on most.............then ask him for a private date and time where just the 2 of you can talk and no one else is around.........go somewhere with him away from the house.

Being 18 is not easy, I know this but being 63 is not easy either. Please look into counseling, talk this over with your Dad.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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