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Kai
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/10/2009 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Back again.  I don't have many people to talk to about this.  My husband is a little bored with listening to me about it.  He is back in school after 26 years, which is a good thing, but I feel a lot of pressure to keep things moving.  He is still working, but also incurring school loans and other bills that go along with going back to school. 
 
Consequently, I have to stay in this job until I can find something else which is both good income and challenging to me.  I have been looking and taking interviews for awhile now, however with the current climate and where we live, things are slow.
 
Work is work. I try to just go there daily and get the work done and leave.  I cut my own hours just so that I don't have to spend alot of time there.  There is a partner there that is younger than me and I think she views me as a threat.  She wants to prove that she is the boss and I have no imput any more.  She is also making the sr. boss, the one I have worked for for many years, take her side.  It is very high school and non productive.  Moral is low overall.  The worst part is I cannot stop the tears.  Sometimes she or they will call me in to meet with them and give me grief for something and the tears just come.  I usually try to excuse myself for the rest room before they start, but the last time I could not.  I am so mortified.  I asked my Dr. about meds to just stop the tears, and am now on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, however it has been several months now with the same results.  My self esteem is now almost nill and I feel trapped. Crying now, great.  I am crying while typing this to you.  HELP!  I get myself worked up that I just panic and everything gets blown out of proportion, my mind tells me I am going to lose my job, my house, etc.  We just recently lost our dog of 12 years and I am very anxious and eating everything in sight.  Does this happen to anyone else and how do you handle it?  I think my family thinks I am losing it, I know I do.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/10/2009 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Have you talked to your doctor about the fact that the medications aren't helping you. You might need to switch to something else. Are you going to any counseling? That would really help you with your self esteem.

I am sorry that the others at work have you in tears. Come here to vent. It will be good for you. People can be so uncaring at times. Especially where there are jealousies. It sounds like that could be going on.

Try to take it one day at a time. Hopefully this will blow over and things will get back to normal.

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Kai
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/10/2009 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,
Thanks so much for writing.  I already feel better talking with people here.
 
I have spoken with the Dr and she has changed the meds a bit.  The excessive crying is difficult for me, especially at work.  It makes me feel weak and I think others perceive me as such as well.  Not what I need.
 
I do see a counselor every two weeks.  I really like her and I think she helps me, especially with the self esteem stuff.  It is funny, people see me differently than I see myself.  My husband sees me as more than I see myself. 
 
I think the day to day theory will be something I work on.  When I think of everything together, I get panicky.  When I think of leaving the job I have been at for over 24 years, I get anxious.  I know the place is toxic and I need to get going, but things are not moving too quickly. 
 
I worry about the person at work marring my professional reputation because she views me as a threat as I have been there for so long and I have good relationships with generations of our clients.  She is loud and agressive and I think has a chip on her shoulder.  No one else says anything except me, which is probably why she does not like me. 
The only thing I keep telling myself is that my clients know me and have for a long time. 
 
Anyway, thanks Karen for listening.
Happy New Year by the way.
 
Kai

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/10/2009 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kai,

I think that you are having a very good outlook already. And I think that things are going to work out for you.

I understand about the person at work. It never fails though, there is always at least one of them in every job I have ever had. And it usually is a woman. I don't know why.

I hope that you continue to feel better. Stick with us and you will. I hope that you are having a good night, It is night here anyway.

Hugs, Karen

And happy New Year to you too!
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kai, I certainly understand where you are coming from with your job.  Do you think this younger person could feel threatened by you as you have been there a long time and have a good relationship with the clients?  Is there a human resources person at your comapny you can talk to? Or would you possibly be able to talk to your boss.  Coming here and talking to us is a good way to get out your feelings.  You have found a very caring and comforting place to vent and there will always be someone here to help you and talk to you.  I imagine with your husband back in school it puts added stress on you so do keep seeing your counselor. You have a good work history and keep your resume up to date in case you find another job that suits you.  You can't be fired just because someone decides they don't like you.  And you certainly can appeal this to your boss.  And if you have to use this boss as a reference there is nothing that can be said about you that is negative. It is illegal to say something derogatory against an employee and you could fight it. Your boss certainly knows he cannot say anything bad about you.  The worst he can do is state that yes, you were employed there for 24 yrs and if he chooses he doesn't have to say anything else.  I was fired from a job I had for 18 yrs., actually I was dowsized but my boss did not like me even though I brought in many new clients and was the top manager.  When I found a new job this boss gave me a very glowing recommendation. Go figure.  I guess she thought it best to get rid of me as I had a higher salary than others.  Office politics can be very strange. So keep your head up and continue to do the good job and I would try to avoid this person as much as possible. I hope this helps you.

Aurora


sadsoul
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kai,

Wow, you sound so much like me. Your job is consuming your life. I've been at the same one for 18 years. Fortunately, I don't have anyone at work giving me grief. I've just been super busy, working a lot of overtime and it is taking quite a toll on me - body and soul. I rarely cry. I think the Zoloft I take has just numbed me. Could some of your crying be that nasty demon called menopause? I know it can do quite a job on your emotions. I also know how tough it can be to be the main bread winner in the house. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I hope things at work improve for you soon.

Best wishes,

Jean

Kai
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Aurora.
 
I appreciate your kind words.  It does seem that a lot of females in the workplace can be katty.   Problem is, I have always been a good employee, coming in and doing my job, sometimes staying until 8 or 9pm.  Now I find it hard to concentrate, I don't want to go in and over this past year I had a tendency to go in a little later and sometimes take Mondays off.  I know she did not like it and said something to me a few times.  I have made a resolution that I am just going to go in at my designated time and do my job.  Since  she and I do not get along, she actually questioned my integrity, she hired someone else to be her direct assistant and she is now doing what has always been my job.  I am now doing another person's job, which I am slowly learning, as that person will be retiring in the spring.  In a way it is a good thing as it takes me out of her direct line of fire, but I still have to deal with my sr. boss, the one I have had since day 1.   I have known for quite some time that I should move on, but this is like another family to me and I was comfortable.  I am not good with change. 
However, the negative and derrogatory comments have become commonplace and I am finding my self confidence running for the door.
 
I know I am better than this, I just cannot seem to quell the panic and anxiety.  It reminds me of when I was a kid.  There was this girl who was bothering me, and rather than deal with it, I transferred to a different class.  So here I am, at 51 yrs, back where I was then.  You would think I would have learned something.  Instead, the tears just come and I feel like an idiot and appear weak.  I hate it. 
 
I have been on some interviews, but no one is pounding at my door.  I am not sure what I expected.  However I do know that it will be difficult to find a new position at the salary I have now.   I also know that I will not make any moves which are not 100% right for me.  I have this fear that they will fire me and I will be unemployed, my husband is going to school, we won't be able to pay for our home etc etc etc.  I know that is the panic building up.  I can feel it now as I type this.  I am trying to learn to talk myself down, take deep breaths.  I cannot tell you how much I want to be happy and enjoy this life.  Right now I don't feel like that will ever come.
 
Anyway, I appreciate your writing and thanks for listening.  Sorry to be so whiny.
Kai 

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Kai,
When I was getting all upset & crying at work about the mean people it turned out I had a hormone imbalance & that's why the anti-depressants weren't working. Is there any chance maybe part of it is due to hormones?

As far as your mean co-workers, I can definitely relate to that. I started making a point to try to write them nice little notes about once a month & to try to find something positive to bring up about them in front of others. Sometimes the best way to handle it is to "kill 'em with kindness". It had three benefits. One, whenever one of them said something negative about me people would look at them cross-eyed and exclaim what a nice person I always am to everybody, including the naysayers. Two, it made them think twice before saying something mean about me when I was practically the only one who ever complimented them. Three, if they kept being mean it gave me extra credibility when I would quietly complain to their boss. I could say that I really try to go out of my way to notice all the positive contributions of my teammates & that Person X has done A, B & C, but that Person X also seemed to not be much of a team player since she was always trying to tear people down and worst of all did so in front of the clients.

Other than that, like Aurora & Karen said, there's always one of them. Try to remember that it's not really about you. They probably just keep waking up on the wrong side of the bed & you just happen to be in their line of sight. Some people are just like that, but most managers have enough good sense to recognize that negative people are not ideal employees. One of the ladies I used to work with who was always complaining about me & seemed to have the ear of management, eventually got what was coming to her. She was firmly told that I was a quiet & conscientious employee while she wasted too much time being unproductive & complaining about me and other co-workers. She was demoted, put on notice & eventually pushed out of the company. I was sure her negative comments would work against me, but in the end they proved to be her own demise.

Good luck with your decision! I'm sure whatever you decide will be right for you.

Peace,
frances

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/11/2009 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again, Kai. It seems you are comfortable right now in your job and doing well.  I know it is hard with someone being negative. I think Frances is right when she says "kill them with kindness."  If you smile at your co-workers, don't complain, do your job well and try to be as friendly as possible under the circumstances then I think you will succeed. And your boss will see that you are doing a good job and that you treat others fairly.  Try not to cry at work, as that can work against you. Bosses often don't like to see tears.  If you have to, excuse yourself to the bathroom.  If your husband is in school and you have a good salary I would try to stick it out.  The economy is so bad that there aren't many opportunities out there and you don't want to have to take a pay cut.
And the other important thing to do is always be on time and show up on Mondays.  Try to not take any days off.  If someone is looking for a reason to fire an employee, not being on time and taking days off is a good enough reason. So the best you can do is face up to this and continue to do the good job you do.  Please let us know how you are doing. Oh, and check out the hormones as you are at that age, i'm sorry to say, that your hormones are changing.  We all go thru it and it will eventually go away.
 
Gentle hugs,
 
Aurora

jaydon
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/11/2009 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
hello i am married to a depressed wife two  daughter 14/17..life is miserable i am so tired of the ups and downs,,she is down all the time and now my youngest is depressed..i want to run but i will stay untill my girls are old and strong enough to leave then i amm outta here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kai
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/11/2009 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Aurora,

I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me.

I know I have to handle all of this right.  I have been at this job for over 26 yrs and loved it for about 22 yrs of it.  I think mostly I am burned out and overwhelmed with everything else going on.  You are also correct about getting to work on time and not taking days off.  I currently work a 4 day work week.  That helps a lot as far as stress levels.

Hopefully, I can be strong enough to not tear up.  I absolutely hate that I do that and feel so weak.  My ob/gyn said that I am in menopause now and am having mood swings (thus the tears) and depression, lethargy and all that wonderful stuff.

I was doing some research on line and found some herbal supplements like Femmerol or Macafem which have good success rates.  Has anyone out there ever used something like these?  I am going to check with the Dr tomorrow.  If this helps it would be a Godsend.  Just something to help me thru this difficult patch. 

I am trying to take things one day at a time and split up the areas where I am overwhelmed to try to keep them in perspective.  Now that I know the mood swings and all that is hormonal, I feel better actually.  I don't feel like I am losing my mind. 

So thanks to everyone for listening.

Kai

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/11/2009 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jaydon,

welcome to HealingWell. You have come to a good place. Everybody is so kind and compassionate. There is a lot of comfort here.

How are you feeling? Your wife is depressed and now your youngest daughter is depressed too. That has to be hard on you at this time. Have you thought of counseling to help you get through this difficult period? It is obviously effecting you.

Keep posting and let us know how it is going. I hope that your daughters will get through this okay. I imagine that it is hard all the way around. We are here for you.
 
 
 
Hi Kai,
 
I hope that you had a good day today.  Let us know how things are going for you.  We are here for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 1/11/2009 9:42:24 PM (GMT-7)


Kai
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/12/2009 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,
 
Today was actually a good day.  Everyone was back from vacation and I had worked myself up into a little frenzy last night and into this morning.  IBS kicked up and added to things.   So when everyone just did their work and kept to themselves, I was pleasantly surprised.  Both the Sr boss and the jr partner with the chip on her shoulder were okay today.  Probably because they had to catch up on work from their vacation.  I am waiting for the shoe to drop, but will take today for what it was.  A good day. 
 
I appreciate your note.  Thanks so much.  You all have really helped me in this short time.  I will definitely keep writing and checking in.  Maybe I can actually help someone else.
 
Kai

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 1/12/2009 8:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kai,

You are giving me much too much credit. You are the one who did all of the work.

I am happy that you had such a nice day today and I hope for many more for you.

Take care my friend,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/12/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kai, I too am glad that you had a good day.  Just keep positive thoughts.  You are a very good employee - just think how long you have been there.  Give yourself a pat on the back. Now I am going to say don't wait for the other shoe to drop as that may not happen.  And if you keep a positive attitude and outlook you will succeed and I bet that shoe will never drop. Stay in the moment and keep up a friendly face and you will be fine.  And if you have a hard day you know you can always come here and vent.  You have plenty of good listeners and people who care about you. And how great that you have a 4 day week.

Many hugs,

Aurora

 

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