A need to get it off my chest

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Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 1/12/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
rolleyes I went to my therapist, and told her I had done a lot of talking about my first Husband, you might have read my answers to a few of you who want to give up on life. He did and it was 27 years ago and it still bothers me to this day. He committed suicide, May 11, 82 at 10:10 in the morning, Its hard on me because at the time we were separated. He was living with someone else and married to me. But before he died he made sure I would be taken care of for the rest of my life. I have so many questions he can never answer. So my therapist told me to write him a letter. I tried...... sad But I know I won't know any more than I did before so it makes no seance to me now... It still bothers me and He is a part of my depression.....I could not do to my family what he did to me.... But there are so many days I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up..... cry I have found life is very hard for the average person to deal with, and I don't know how they do it at all....I try to all the time to keep a smile on my face, and I'm crying on the inside....and trying to deal with being sick all the time is really driving to the edge...... nono and then I start all over again,with thinking about my first Husband, feelings, question,and dealing.....



Dawn turn yeah
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 1/12/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Dawn,

Losing a loved one is always a very hard thing. And I think it is good if we keep on remembering them. But rather than the grief, I think we should celebrate the good times we had together.

Maybe you could try and look for things you enjoy. You could make a list of things that brought you pleasure in the past, from as far back as you can remember. There could be something on that list that still brings you joy, or you might come up with something you always wanted to do. Now is the time do to so. The benefits of having a good time will not be limited to that time only. The aftermath will extend itself to after you are finished.

Dawn, I just don't know what you can and can't do at the moment. Please know that you are always welcome to vent here!

Take care!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40593
   Posted 1/12/2009 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Awe Dawn,

I am sorry that you are going through this. But it can take years to get closure. But I feel that you will. It is a good thing that he left means to take care of you with. That shows that he genuinly cared about you.

Try to take things one day at a time. Try not to think about the past or worry about the future. With practice of this, I think that you will find that the past will go into the past where it belongs.

Did you try writing the letter? It sounds like good therapy to me. Though it might not to you at this time, but I think that it is worth a try. Do you talk to him? That is something that you could try. Get your feelings out there. Maybe you are angry, you have a right to be.

I lost my nephew to suicide in September of 2008. It was awful hard. There are a lot of unanswered questions rolling around in my head. Though I try to find solace in knowing that he is in a good place. It is just that he left behind his daughter who is about 2 1/2 years old. It is hard because she is always asking for Daddy.

Allow yourself the grieving process, even though it has been a long time. You still deserve that time.

It is hard to find the right words right now. But I hope that this has helped you some. Just be good to yourself and allow the grief. Try the letter or talking to him. I think that will help you to find closure.

Best wishes for a wonderful day

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 1/12/2009 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I have moved on, I got married after and had 3 girls and I've been married for 25 years. But My questions never was answered, we didn't have a good marriage my first ad I so why take care f me????? He signed his letters the only person you can love and hate at the same time.....We became friends after we split,so it makes it harder to under stand why.....And to this day I still love him I just couldn't stand to be in the same room as him...... He use to beat on me..... and I could take no more so I left..... I just wanted a divorce, in stead he died.....




Dawn turn yeah
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/12/2009 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Ne Ne, None of what happened is your fault.  There are always some bad feelings when such a sad event occurs but I am not sure how you can get your questions answered.  You say you have been married again for 25 yrs. and have daughters.  Can you put your energy into caring for and about them?  It sounds like you have a very nice family now.  Have you tried to write your thougts out?  Sometimes if you just sit at your computer, type what ever comes to mind.  I know this happened a long time ago but have you considered going to a grief support group?  You may even be able to find one online and that could help you write what you are feeling and get some feedback from others who have been in your situation.  Things happen in our lives that we may never be able to understand or have the answers to.  I think acceptance may be the key to moving on from your pain.  The past is gone and that is something that cannot be changed.  I think a support group would help you and trying to look forward to the future with hope may bring you out of this. You have 3 daughters who must have events going on in their lives.  Any graduations or  big birthdays or maybe even weddings to look forward to?  Look to the future with the idea that you can put the past behind you and share the joy of all you have with your wonderful family.  Please let us know how you are doing.  I really care and would like to hear from you again.  I will always be here to answer your posts.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

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