Thomas, I am sorry you are feeling bad right now. It is true that you may not be on the right meds. Also, if you are on a/d meds they can take from 4-6 weeks to really kick in. It took me about 5 different a/d meds before I found the right one. And when I did I gave it the time needed to work and I have been fine. But you really do need to speak with your dr. because you should not be having these thoughts and you should not be harming yourself. And when the bad feelings pass you will wonder why you did something to hurt yourself. Please talk to your dr. as soon as possible as it is important that this dr. knows what you are thinking and then he can either change or adjust your meds. Please stay in touch with us. There is always someone here to answer your posts. I will always be glad to talk to you. Take care and let us know how things are going.
May I gently suggest you tell your wife how you are feeling. As a wife I would want my husband to let me know the thoughts and feelings he is having as we are a team, a couple, joined together in everything else. He has helped me through many tough times even if he is worried he is my rock.
Let her know and always know if you start to have the bad thoughts go to the ER, call 911 but access emergency help before acting on anything. There is always help my friend.
My Pdoc informed me to let the scheduler know I would like to be called for cancellations when I have a long wait on my next appointment. You may want to try that approach as many patients do cancel their appointments.
I have had depression for 26 years, I live the life you are living too. I am doing well right now and I am feeling the best I have felt in 3 years.