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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 1/15/2009 3:27 PM (GMT -6)   
So,I usually post on the Ostomies forum because I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis March 18,08 after being sick for about eight months. And Nov.19,08 I had temp. ileostomy surgery. Getting sick was kinda the worst yet best thing thats ever happened to me. The best because me and my dad weren't very close but when I got sick, I had to get a shot that my mom gave me (methotrexate) once a week and my dad held me. Im 17 but still a baby inside turn So at least once a week he got to hold me for a few seconds and tell me he loves me. He gets up at 630am and goes to work and isnt home until around 6 or 7 that night. And then as soon as he gets home he goes to the garage to work on his race car (He races dirt track late model) Ive noticed that him and my mom dont talk a whole lot, they dont kiss a whole lot, I think parents are supposed to be role models for their children..Kiss and hug and hold hands and show their children how in love they are, and how a relationship is supposed to be..My dad sleeps on the couch, my mom alone in her bed. Thats the typical day for us..get up, go to school, come home, watch tv or phone, then to bed..get up and do it all over again. That used to not bug me but as Im getting older and going away for college soon (graduating in May :-) ) I dont like how our family ..isnt..well..a family anymore. Maybe thats how it is as we get older. But for the past few months I could tell my mom wasnt happy but she wouldn't talk to me about it. And my dad lives with me my mom and my brother but hes so distance it seems since we hardly see each other. But Friday night, around 1am I got up to use the bathroom and about an hour earlier my brother came in to talk to me and told me that mom and dad just had an arguement and mom said that maybe itd be better if she moved out. So anyway, about 1am my mom stopped me and asked me if I was okay and I said yeah! Im fine..why? And I was fine. I prayed about it as soon as my brother told me that. And God calmed me down and I was happy..even though my mom and dad had just talked about divorce..Well, they didnt talk about divorce they kinda skimmed it when my mom said maybe she should move out..So I sat there talking to my mom for about a half hour and then went to bed. And shes telling me that my dad, who I thought loved my mom VERY much, said she was cold-hearted and selfish. When in reality, my dad is the cold-hearted one..Not all the time, but I came home from Derecks friday night and my dad tried joking around with me and said Dereck was cheating on me! Well..thats not something to joke about! And I started tearing up..My dad got mad and left and wouldnt answer my moms phone calls and didnt come home until 4 the next morning..He went to a bar and got drunk..He doesnt drink anymore so it didnt take much to get him wasted..And thats the night that everything went down..and ever since its just gotten worse for me..Now im to the point where since my parents arent happy, its making me miserable..and my mom doenst know whats wrong..Im not going to tell her shes making me miserable..that'd hurt her even more..My dad is the cause of why my parents are having problems (in my opinion) He doesn't tell my mom he loves her, he doesn't act like he loves her..Im just fed up with my dad and cant wait to get out of this house! I don't believe in moving in with Dereck (my boyfriend of 3 years) until we're married but if this continues like this, i just might have to to keep sane.. My dad seems like he doesnt want to be a part of my life, or my moms..But my brother whose 16 goes everywhere with him..I dont know..I believe everything happens for a reason. And if my parents get divorced, Ill learn how to live with it..Im a VERY strong-willed strong-minded person and I didnt write this because im depressed..Im far from that. But I didnt know where else to write about this. Im sorry i complained so much. And if you read all of that, thank you so much. And thank you for listening. I just needed to tell someone how I felt.
God Bless :-)
17, SENIOR in high school
Dx with Ulcerative Colitis on March 18,2008
Tried what seemed like every medicine there is..nothing worked
Step1 Ileostomy on Nov.19,2008..waiting on Step2 =)
The past is history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 1/15/2009 4:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bella!!

Sorry to hear about your family issues, I don't have a large family myself but my parents split when I was 15 and I had just left school through depression so it wasn't a good time for me. Your dad sounds similar to mine in that he was extremely distant and would go to work early in the morning, come home, eat his dinner then spend all his time alone with his books and designing things and to this day I still know nothing about him and honestly I'm better off, if he doesn't want to get to know his own son then it's his loss! Lately i've barely spoken to my mum either so family just isn't close for me anymore.

I hope for your sake you can repair your relationships and hopefully your parents can get along better as it's always important to have a strong family unit even though you're nearly an adult now! You always seem upbeat Bella so keep it that way! Unfortunately I don't know what advice to give you apart from being strong if they do split.. it actually didn't affect me at all when he left as nothing changed, I barely spoke to my dad before hand but I'm sure it would be different for others!

Take care Bella!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40402
   Posted 1/15/2009 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bella,

I am glad that you felt comfortable in opening up here. This is a good forum for that. And I am sure that it made you feel better to get all of your thoughts written down.

It is so hard to figure out our parent's relationships. I am sorry for what you are going through. But when adults come to that point where they aren't happy together anymore, it is time for a change. I hope that you can still have a relationship with your mother and father even if they split up.

Keep posting if you feel like it, there are a lot of wonderful people here that can understand what you are going through. And I am sure that they will be there for you.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/15/2009 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Bella,  I agree with Karen that sometimes parents grow apart and need to separate to go on with their lives.  This does not mean that you can't have a relationship with both parents.  It will just be seeing each one separately.  And it may work out better in your relationship with each parent.  Things just happen in a marriage and it can be better to end the marriage than make everyone miserable.  If your parents aren't happy around you and your brother then none of you can be happy.  And i'm sure your parents both love you and your brother very much.  But with problems weighing on them it is hard for them to put on a false front. You will be going away to college soon as you are graduating in May you said.  You will be making a whole new life for yourself.  Are you going away from home and going to live in a dorm?  You will be busy making new friends and taking classes.  I hope you know that none of this is your fault so don't think there is anything you did wrong.  If the marriage is not to be then it is best for both your parents to move on.  You may all end up happier in the long run.  I was divorced from my sons father many years ago when they were young.  It was far better for them to see each of us happy on our own than to have to witness arguments and distressed parents.  My boys did just fine and they had a good relationship with their dad and they have a really great relationship with him now that they are adults.  So things have a way of working out.  I know you will be fine - you just may need a period of adjustment.  I will keep you in my prayers and post anytime you want to let out your feelings.  Take care.

Many hugs,


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/15/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
hi bella, welcome to our forum and I'm sorry to hear about your sickness and parents, I support what karen and aurora say that sometimes parents need to separate to live a more healthy life, and even maybe find another partner it happens. I hope you can find a way to get closer to your father, as I'm sure he loves you but maybe he doesn't know how to show it.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 1/16/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone =) Thank you so much for your replies! I went to youth Wednesday and asked my teen leaders to pray for my parents and it seemed like the next day I woke up and everything was back to normal.And my dad told me HE LOVED ME!! =) And my mom and dad were talking and sitting by each other and they even went into the kitchen and smooched forever! haha
I just wanted to update ya'll and thank you for everything! The Depression forum has soo many amazing people here. And even though I wasnt depressed and just needed to vent, you welcomed me with open arms =) Thank you again. And ill be sure to check in from time to time to see how you guys are doing =)

God Bless
17, SENIOR in high school
Dx with Ulcerative Colitis on March 18,2008
Tried what seemed like every medicine there is..nothing worked
Step1 Ileostomy on Nov.19,2008..waiting on Step2 =)
The past is history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/16/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Bella,

I may have missed it but has you Mom moved out?  What about you and your brother.............will you be with your Mom and your Dad.

There are many things in a marriage that go wrong and often it may be as simple as two people grow apart.  Remember nothing that is going on between your parents is your fault.

I think it is great that you talked with your youth leader. It is sad but a divorce is often very difficult for the children as you love both parents, even the one you feel may be the blame for everything.  You want things to be happy and your family to stay together.  Please do try to get into some therapy.  Talk to your Mom and ask her to help you.

I would like to see your  parents put the your  best interests above their own,  and  help you learn how to have a meaningful relationship with both parents.

Bless you and know I am here to support you with all of the other wonderful members of HW.




Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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