How do you Open Up/Talk to a Shy Person??? (shy people most welcome!!!)

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Brad89
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/16/2009 8:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Let's say you have a particular classmate that's constantly on their own (as in, always sitting by themselves, etc) and every time you try to talk to them the conversation either ends really quickly and/or sometimes (unfortunately) becomes awkward...what would you do? How do you open them up?

People may ask me why I care...Well, let's just say that I was once shy and worked really, really hard to overcome it. It would've been nice if someone talked to me but a lot of it was done through hard work and joining clubs (such as Toastmasters) to overcome my fears. The thing is, it's difficult for me to relate because it's been so long since I was in that position. And I'd love nothing more than to talk to more people, especially people that I've always found interesting but never really had the chance to get to know (because of their shyness)

So my questions, in no particular order are:

1) What do you ask a shy person without sounding corny? Asking things like "How's the weather?" or "What do you plan to do after University?" are, in my opinion, not the best openers. Think "high-school" type of questions, things that won't come across as awkward, weird, or both.

#2 is aimed for shy people but anyone's opinion is welcome
2) If you're shy, what do you think would be a legitimate question to ask...what would make you want to come out of your seat and join a group, knowing full well that the group you've been listening to across the class isn't as evil as you may think?

Would you mind it if we asked you to come join us, or would you find it better if I personally came up to you and said "hey, can you help me with something over there?" - Would you budge?

How about if you were asked to see something, like if I said "hey, want to see something cool?" and asked you to come over...would you feel awkward or would you simply go with it...knowing again that *I* am not exactly an evil person that would try to humiliate you? Would you still come over?

3) Lastly, why do you think people are so shy? Why does someone not speak at all, knowing full-well that they're smart and interesting inside?


Thank you all so much for your help and honesty!!

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/16/2009 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
well I was a shy person when I was young, in school. I usually kept things for myself, I spent a lot of time alone, I didn't like it but I could not help it. thank god I changed in high-school and later in university but till now I don't think I have changed enough, I think I still need to do some work. to answer your questions

1) I think a smile first would help, maybe tell a joke. "hows the weather" sounds terrible, find something in common like a hobby or something and talk about it
2) "hey, can you help me with something over here" might work for me I think, I like to help people.
3) sometimes I just don't know what to say really, I don't want to say something that embarases me infront of the group. I find that I can engage well in coversation if it's 1 on 1, but if its more it starts to be harder to find something to say or respond, if it's 3 people I talk less, the more people the less i will talk. I leave the chance to others to talk and listen to them, unless someone directs a question to me.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 1/16/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy people I think are afraid to talk in front of other people. Unless they just don't talk much period. So I guess you have to be the one to break the ice. I think that you realize that... Sometimes they have anxiety about talking. Which goes back to being afraid. Sometimes they are afraid that they will mess up. And because they are nervous, they sometimes do.

I would approach her like any other girl. Just be prepared to do most of the talking.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/16/2009 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   

To help someone who does not speak up much is to actively draw them into the conversation. Most often people display this habit because they are shy.
One of the hardest social situations to face is starting a conversation with someone you know very little about. You might already understand that the key to being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener; You need to ask questions that will get to the interesting part of someone, and then be truly interested in listening.

That is my 2 cents worth for tonight..................

Have a good evening

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Brad89
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/17/2009 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Really thoughtful replies so far, thanks guys

Skillet
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 1/17/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I'm actually a really shy teenager right now so maybe I can help.
I think good things to ask are about what type of music they listen to, classes that they are taking, anything you might have in common, and actually politics or controversial issues, I know that sounds weird but even shy people have strong opinions and that may very well get them talking.
I usually rather be approached by only one person, more than 2 people usually freaks me out. And if someone asks me for help I will always help I like to be helpful and I think most people do too.
I think people are shy because they are afraid they wont be accepted, or they are intimidated by people who are not shy. A lot of my friends are shy at school and in public but and I happen to know that they aren't always shy. When me and my friends get together you would not think we were the same people, we act just like everyone else, it just takes more time for us to open up with someone, but once we do we are not shy around them anymore, we just have to build up some trust. I'm obviously not sure if this goes for all shy people but its true for me. I hope this helps you, and I think its great that you are trying to be friends with people who are shy, I know what its like to be ignored because I'm not the first one to talk.
 
-Skillet


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/17/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -7)   
wow skillet we are so much a like, you remind me of my teen-age days :) like I said It's eazier for me to do a 1 on 1 but the more people the less I want to talk.

Ahh I remember even when I was around 25 at work, meeting new people asking me questions infront of a group that I paniked and could not utter one word, they were like whats wrong with you! sometimes I used to panic so much that words just can't get out.. it's terrible >< but thank god the older I got the less this happened...

I managed later in life, to do presenations something I was always afraid of, but if you put your mind into anything you can do it, as long as you prepare well, it depends a lot on your preparation but I never imagined one day I could speak infront of a group of people like 100 so :) without any notes!


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 1/17/2009 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Akram,

I think that it is wonderful that you are able to do pesentations now with no problems. Kukos to you !!!

I have a hard time talking in front of a lot of people too. I had to do a demonstration for the garden club one year, I did it. I couldn't believe it.

Have a great night

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/17/2009 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
karen, you would laugh if I told you have I managed to do my first ever presentation!
it was in university, and the class was full of girls and I am naturarly more afraid to speak infront of class full of girls, because I'm such a shy person. I didn't know what to do .. I knew I will mess-up and forget what I have to say.. so, what I did was, I decided to write down what I would say on a 2 page paper, then memorized every single word and reherced alone untill I felt comfortable I won't forget any single word lol , and the next day I did the presentation everyone was amazed, it was the best presentation in the class and I got the highest score :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 1/17/2009 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
That is fantastic!!!

Now you know that you can do it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 12:51 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,199 posts in 301,283 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151386 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Kier.
166 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Girlie, 142, ChickNorris, Sb77


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer