I understand the pain of loss. I know how hard this is for you and please let out the tears.
Are you able to share a bit about your husband with us. Sometimes it helps to talk about him instead of keeping your thoughts bottled up.
I am sure you went through a lot.........share with us. Let us help you .
Thanks everyone for replying,
Kitt, i would be more than happy to tell my story. I met my husband in 93, at the time i had a 2 yr old daughter. Me and Lee moved in with each other and i became pregnant with our son in 94. Me and Lee married in 96. He was the most wonderful husband i could ever have. in 01 they diagonsed him with cirrhosis...of course i thought that that was the end. i will never forget that feeling, sitting there thinking that my husband was going to die, if only i really knew. of course he was symptom free for many years. he adopted my daughter from previous marriage in that year as well. Lee was never really very heathly, he had always battled high blood pressure and diabetes, which he could not control. my nagging never helped either. i was always on him to eat better, take his med's like he should etc... now you have to understand there is a 25 yr age difference between me and him. when we met i was 20 and he was 45..alot of people could not understand that, but i have always felt that you can't help who you fall in love with and i knew that God always has a plan. fast forward to 07, he started really feeling worse. i could tell it just by looking at him and the way he just couldn't do as much as he use to could. in the beginning of 08 he had surgery on his arm, due to severe muscle and nerve damage, of course due to the diabetes. came thru surgery wonderful, that was a blessing..that was january. feb came and Lee was placed in the hospital due to congestive heart failure....that took me by surprise..he had never had that before. we were there for 2 wks, came home and he never really started coming back around...was very weak, couldn't eat..so on...the dr's just said it was going to take some time to bounce back since he had such a significant weight loss when he was in the hospital for 2 wks. well, one night he was really acting strange, just not himself, he was so out of it, talking strange, which i know now was his elevated ammonia level, which sometimes happens to cirrhosis patients. anyway it got worse so i called his daughter over and her husband, Lee has 2 children from a previous marriage so together we had 4. we all agreed we needed to call the ambulance b/c he couldn't walk from being so weak. by the time we arrived at the hosptial he was in kidney failure, potassium was thru the room and he was in a coma. they weren't really expecting him to come out of it. i was so distraught, another time i thought, my gosh my husband is going to die, (again, if i only knew) he came out of the coma 5 days later. thank God...we were in there 2 wks came home and things were different. this is april of 08 now, he really couldn't be alone due to the encephalopthy (unsure if i spelled that correctly) so his dad would come and stay until the kids came home from school. the kids, who are now 18 and 14, really had to grow up fast last year. anyway, hospice finally came in in July of 08 and i took a leave from work to be here with him. what i know now that i didn't know then, sitting here day after day watching your husband slowly die was one of the most horrible things anyone could go thru. Lee was such a fighter and was not ready to go. When he finally passed on Sept 19 it was 8:30 in the morning and the sun was shining thru the window. i will never forget that, he loved the sun to shine on him. i know God took him at that time for that reason, or at least that's what i believe...you know i don't know if i really been depressed, per say, but i just miss him so much. my support system is wonderful, i couldn't ask for better family or friends. they have been there for me and the kids the whole time, even till today. i do take med's..i am on cymbalta and clonpine (spelling again) they seem to work ok...my med's have been changed to these since he passed. i was on celexa and xanax's, they weren't helping anymore...have already talked with therapists and hospice came out a couple of times after his death, but i don't know...sometimes i feel like i can't get anyone to just understand how i feel. but i will say the Lord has blessed me with friends that do understand how i feel. 3 of them have lost their husbands at a young age as well, so i really talk to them alot. you know it's just when it's in the middle of the night and i am feeling those thoughts i don't want to call them. i know that i could, i just don't. i miss him dearly everyday. i know they say it will get easier and i'm sure it will, i just have to get to that point. i do write, sometimes, i use to write alot more than i do now. i go to the grave, i know he's not there but i just feel better going there and talking with him. our son doesn't like to go nor does he speak about his daddy passing, our daughter does talk and go to the grave. our son, 14, is really showing out. he's the reason we went to the therapist, but i am convinced it's due to his dad's death...he will not talk about it though....i appreicate letting all of this out. i love telling people that didn't know Lee how wonderful he was, now don't get me wrong, he was my husband and made me mad as a hornet sometimes, but he was still here...to me, i would take him back in a minute. sick or not...just to have him back would be wonderful...he always made people laugh, he was a cut up. i miss that about him, even if the joke was at my expense...i miss him so very much. i'm 35 and don't even remember turning it since it was during the time he was sick, when he passed away he was 60.