Hi Cathylyn, I had a similar problem with my son about 1 1/2 yrs ago. He is older, 29, and he and his girlfriend eventually worked out their differrences. They went to counseling together and that really helped and they are now getting married. But what I want to say is that my son went through a period of months when he was just heartbroken. He could barely work, he didn't want to stay in his apt. so he slept at my house. He wanted a lot of comfort from me and that is what I did. I just let him pour his heart out to me and listened and gave advice when I could. I let him cry on my shoulder which he did plenty of. I told him that time was the best healer. Time is the best healer for all things. And you just have to wait it out and let the weeks go by. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son. I imagine he is a very nice and considerate young man. You just need to be there for him whenever he needs you. If he doesn't want to talk then let him be. It is good that he has a lot of friends that can help him. He may feel more comfortable talking about this with his friends. One other thing I did was I found a book on losing a relationship and how to survive the loss of a breakup. I don't remember the name but if you were to go to a book store or go on amazon you might find one. And this book did help my son in understanding how things can go wrong in a relationship. You say this is the 2nd breakup for your son but keep in mind he is only 22. And I know that nice guys do not finish last. If this girl is a drama queen he may very well be better off without her. I know right now that is not how it feels to him but if they are not meant to be together then he will be better off in the long run. The reason my son had problems with his relationship is that his girlfriend went away to school in another state to get a masters degree and she was meeting a lot of new people and new guys and I guess she was just taken up in the idea that there were other people to meet. She eventually realized that she had invested several years in their relationship and my son truly had the qualities she was looking for in a partner. I am only telling you this to let you know that there will be other girls coming along in his life and he will find the right girl for him. And don't forget he is still young and has a lot of time to meet others. Just make sure he keeps busy, maybe join a new group or sport. If this girl doesn't want to talk to your son then he should stay away from her for his own benefit. He does not need someone who plays games with him. I wish both of you the very best - I know how your heart aches for him but I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please post again and let us know how things are going. I will be glad to answer you anytime. Take care of you both!
Cathy, just wanted to add that the qualities that your son posesses are the most important to have in a successful relationship. Kindness, consideration and loyalty all work to make a good relationship. Yes, he is sad because he is such a good person. That is what my son would always say to me that he was so considerate and doing so much for others. All this will pay off for him in the long run. He has time and he will find the one who appreciates him for his true self. Give him a hug from me, just don't tell him - he might think i'm a little nutty.
I have a feeling your Mom was worried about you during your relationship as she may have seen the break up coming and was fearful of your getting hurt.
As a Mom of 4 I have had to watch my children go through this painful experience and each one reacted differently. As a Mom..........just being there and letting my child know that they were loved unconditionally by their Mom and nothing was ever so bad that they could not tell me............I would never turn against them.
My oldest is going through tough times in his marriage and they have 3 children, I am worried sick about what may happen but in reality I can not live his life for him or control anything between him and his wife. All I can do is be here and he is living on the west coast so telephone calls is the best I can do to show him I care. I cry for him but when I am talking to him I stay in the open minded zone.
Hugs to all
ad1, I have read your posts and just wanted to say I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time. A breakup is never easy at any age. If your gf is not near you and you won't see her then you will be able to go on a bit easier. If you read my post above my son went thru a similar time as you and Cathy's son. It had a different outcome but for months we were trying to hold him together and give him all the support we could and that really helped. I will tell you what I told Cathy and that is time is the healer of all wounds. You just have to let the weeks go by and you will find that you are starting to feel better. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You sound like a very nice and considerate young man and the right person will come along. And it usually happens when you are least expecting it. Right now is porbably not a good time to be looking for a new relationship. You need time to get over this. And I would block her from contacting you. If you feel this relationship is not good for you and is over it is best to leave it behind you. Can you talk to your family or friends for support? I'm sure your mother cares very much but maybe she doesn't know how to approach you. Maybe if you started a conversation with her that would help. Are you in school or are you working? If you play sports or have a hobby or some interest that can occupy you that will help. Please know that you can always come here and get support from the many members. I am thinking about you and hoping you will feel better soon. And don't hesitate to post me as I will always be glad to help you and talk to your.