depressed husband

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Attie
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/23/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband was recently diagnosed with depression.  He is not happy with any aspect of his life - work, home, friends etc.  We have a 2 week old baby - when I told him that I was pregnant (which was planned) it's like a switch went off.  Suddenly, he became distant & sad.  He started saying that he was unhappy with his life and finally said that he was unhappy with his home life.  I knew he was unhappy with work, but didn't realize the extent of his unhappiness.  I love my daughter dearly and can't imagine life without her - but I had to ask him, if you were so unhappy, why did we decide to have a baby?  He said that he didn't realize how unhappy he was.  He and his therapist agree that the problem is not chemical and that changes need to be made.  He began talking about divorce - we've been together 15 years, I can't believe he wants to end it.  But, I told him that I would leave, he said no.  When I ask if he wants to leave, he'll say that he doesn't know what he wants, but he doesn't want to hurt me.  I've suggested marriage counseling - he agreed, but always has an excuse as to why he can't make the appointments.  I've been trying to be supportive, but don't know what else to do.  Does anyone have a similar experience - has anyone had a spouse, who has stood by you through depression - any advice? 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/23/2009 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I were both depressed at one time. But we pulled together to get through it. Try to continue to keep things open so that he will continue to talk. I hope that he finally makes it to the marraige counselor. Don't let him back out of it. You both need the support. Just keep making those appointments.

I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Attie
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/23/2009 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for your support.  I will definitely continue to make appointments.  I watched him give up all his hobbies - friends & listened to him complain about work.  I just never thought his unhappiness would impact our life together.  Hind-sight does suggest that our relationship would be next.  It seems the best course of action is to continue offering support.  Thanks for your advice - it is really nice to hear from people that understand!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/23/2009 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I really wish that I could make it all better for you. I wish that I could tell you something that could change your situation, but I can't. I just know that if you continue to keep the lines of communication open, atleast then you will know more about what is going on in his head. I am sorry that you are going through this. I imagine that you will get more replies from people that are going through the same thing, we have a few members who can relate to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Attie
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/23/2009 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much!!!! I feel part of it is chemical because it has affected every aspect of his life. I'm sure part of it is not - there are lots of changes & responsiblities, which I'm sure add to it. I will e-mail you - I'd love more details. I feel horrible just sitting here doing nothing, but hoping - I want to do something!! I've been doing so much praying!!! And, will continue!

Attie
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/23/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with prayer - you can never pray too much!!  I have been and will continue!!!  I did e-mail you about more info and I will call that number!  I like taking action - not sitting around watching!  Thank you for the info and support!!!  He does not seem to be losing sleep - he has been sleeping more and he has not talked about obsessive thoughts, but he might not be telling me everything.  Also, his mom has OCD - maybe chemical imbalances are genetic.  I will pray and take action!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/23/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Joe,

I am sorry that I had to remove your email address. We do that for your own safety. Anybody who isn't a member can get it. If you haven't already, put it into your profile so people who are members can get it.

Sincerely, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/23/2009 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Attie,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum.  I am glad Karen is helping you  out and please know that we are all here for you so do keep posting.

Again a warm welcome.
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


cathylynn
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/24/2009 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Attie,
I am so sorry for your marriage problems, especially with a newborn. You really need to take care of yourself now too. I was wondering if he has always had depression problems, or this is something new. Was your marriage secure before. It does sound strange how it came on so sudden. Has he had a complete physical, on any new medications, or do you just think that the new baby trigered it. I am so hopeful that counseling works or they get some medication to help. I feel so sorry for you, I feel so depressed watching my son go thru his breakup, his depression is killing me, so I know how hard it is to watch something like that. It should be such a happy time in your life, i'm praying that you guys work it out. take care, Cathy

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 1/24/2009 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Cathy,

You seem to be suffering so badly with your son's situation. Make sure that you take care of you too.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


cathylynn
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/24/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much Karen it is so sweet of you to think of me, I have had all of my focus on my son, and it really has taken a toll on me. I worry that he will wreck his truck, or hurt himself, he doesn't seem like the type, but I am a worrier, always have been, but thanks for thinking of me, Cathy
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