one day at a time

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/25/2009 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
im a quiet soul who doesnt like to think. thinking causes pain. i hate being judged and people are always judging... alllwaaays.
every time i smile at someone, i wonder, did i smile right? did i look scary? did i ruin this persons day? and i watch, if they smile back i am happy for a while, if they look away i get sad.

i dont like thinking, thinking causes pain. i like to watch, to look for beauty. to live in wonder. but not to think, to do only things that bring me closer to beauty.

i study finance.
i have only 1 friend. he is amazing to me, but not nice to other people.
i hate my life. i have to think. if i dont think, they still judge. so i think. its so hard to think and its getting harder every year.
my life amounts to going one step at a time, one day at a time. always with hope.
one year of misery for one moment of happiness... is it worth it?

i dont want an answer to this, i just want it written somewhere.
its how i feel


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 1/25/2009 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Jason, I know you are not looking for answers and i'm not sure I could give a good answer right now. You are obviously in pain.  Your thought process is getting the better of you right now.  How you smile at someone can make all the difference.  If you appear pleasant people will respond to you in a smiliar manner.  You sound depressed and I think you need a couselor to bounce some ideals off of.  I don't know enough about you to give you advice just yet.  I am guessing you are a student.  Are you living at school or do you live at home?  How is your relationship with your family?  Maybe now is a good time to connect with your family for support.  How you feel is just how you feel - it is neither right nor wrong - it is just how you feel and thst is OK.  But I think you need to discuss some of this with a counselor. You seem to be asking for help.  You say you are taking one step at a time and that is good.  No need to burden yourself with too many things.  Please post again and let us know more about you and what you are doing.  There are the most kind and compassionate people on this forum who are willing and able to help you and also to give you the resources you may need to get startd.  Please know that I care very much about how you are feeling and would do my best to help you. If you post again and tell us more I am sure there will be many who will respond to you.  I was so low when I found this forum and I can't tell you the amount of support and help I have received.  If ever you have come to the right place it is here. Please let us know what we can do to help you. 

Take care.



Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/26/2009 9:15 AM (GMT -6)   


Welcome to HealingWell.  I think perhaps you wrote " i dont want an answer to this " was because you did not think you would get any or feel bad if no one answered so to not expect anything seemed better then hoping for responses. idea
Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. People with health conditions, as well as their friends and families find support groups to be a valuable resource and get confirmation that their feelings are "normal", educate others, or just let off steam. IMHO joining a support group is joining a family .

Have you ever been to therapy or are you on meds.  You do not have to share if it makes you uncomfortable..........just wondering.

I hope you do talk to us, we care and we are here to support people in need.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt  :)


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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