im a quiet soul who doesnt like to think. thinking causes pain. i hate being judged and people are always judging... alllwaaays.
every time i smile at someone, i wonder, did i smile right? did i look scary? did i ruin this persons day? and i watch, if they smile back i am happy for a while, if they look away i get sad.
i dont like thinking, thinking causes pain. i like to watch, to look for beauty. to live in wonder. but not to think, to do only things that bring me closer to beauty.
i study finance.
i have only 1 friend. he is amazing to me, but not nice to other people.
i hate my life. i have to think. if i dont think, they still judge. so i think. its so hard to think and its getting harder every year.
my life amounts to going one step at a time, one day at a time. always with hope.
one year of misery for one moment of happiness... is it worth it?
i dont want an answer to this, i just want it written somewhere.
its how i feel