Hi. I'm new to the board and I'm looking for some perspective on my situation because lord knows, I can't find any myself this moment.
I'm a 26 year old female, originally diagnosed with depression at age 19. I've been on a few meds, though Zoloft has seemed to help the most. I've continued on this medicine since age 22.
This past summer, I moved 500 miles away from my family and friends to follow my boyfriend to a new city. I've started a new job, a new school program (grad school). for the most part, the job and school keep me busy, but I've also joined a gym and have volunteered a few times.
However, I still find myself so sad. I have acquaintances at work and school, but still no real friends. I feel so alone. I havent asked any acquaintances to hang out with me because--even though I'm in a large city--everyone seems "all set" with their friends.
My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive, but he works 12 hour days, with maybe a day off every 1 or 2 weeks. We live together and make time to at least eat dinner together almost every night.
Even still, I've been increasingly sad and weepy. I cry all the time, and I sometimes become anxious with just the mere thought of my boyfriend and I not working out in our new city. (would I move back home? Would I be able to make it on my own in this new place?)
As good as things are going with us, I can't help but be paranoid that he's going to get sick of dating someone who's such a loser who can't make friends to save her life. I also feel bad about making him deal with all of my emotions simply bc i dont have anyone else to talk to in my new place. Also, I've become increasingly antsy about he and I not discussing our future, including marriage. I'm certainly not in a rush down the aisle, but I sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better having moved this long way for him if I also knew we were concretely committed to building a life together.
For as long as I've remembered, I've always been a sad and anxious person, but most recently, I can't keep ahold of these thoughts. My favorite activities these days include only sleeping and eating, too, and even getting up for work or class is a major ordeal. I mean, I certainly have days where I'm happy (inauguration day, for instance!), but overall, I just feel like a big loser. Plenty of people move away from thier families and friends and have even thrived in their new homes. why not me?