Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry I had to edit your post, but we are not allowed to discuss self harm. Also I removed your email address because it isn't safe. Anyone could read it. But if you want, if you haven't already, you can post it in your profile and the members can see it.
I really think your depression is due to your situation. You should not be afraid of your partner. You shouldn't be afraid to be depressed. I think that you should find a man that treats you with respect and kindness. You deserve that. You can't blame him for your depression, but you can blame the situation that you are in. But you have to steps to get out of that situation. Do you have any family that you could stay with? I know that you say you can't live without this man, but you can. You will be a lot happier if you aren't living in fear. I know that this might be hard to understand at this point. You are probably very confused. This isn't your fault. You are a victim here. You don't deserve to be treated badly, but only you can change that.
I hope that you can take this to heart. All I can say that you can't change him, and as long as you are living in this atmosphere, you will be depressed. Maybe somebody here can give you some better advice, this is all I have to offer at this time. I just hope that you can see that you are a good person and that you don't deserve to be treated this way. You do on the other hand deserve to be happy.
Keep posting and we will be sure to reply to your post. I hope that you can be happy.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies