Life's not going so well for me right now, and I really just need to vent for a little while.
I'm a 17 year old senior in high school. I was diagnosed with diabetes 11 years ago, and depression and a social phobia 1 year ago. I'm taking 150 mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) every night, 100 mg of Trazadone for sleep, some kind of an anti seizure med for my migraines, and all different kinds of insulin for my diabetes.
Everything just seems to be weighing down on me a lot more lately. I used to be able to force myself out of bed when my alarm goes off, but now I just stare at my clock and wait until the last minute to get up. Some days I just can't get up at all. I have dance class from 11:30-3:30 every Saturday. So last Sat. I missed the entire day of classes because I couldn't find the will to get out of bed. It's not just a mental weight either, it's like I have a physical weight on my shoulders, and sometimes it won't let me up no matter how hard I try.
I finally broke down last Friday and told an older friend who's like a sister to me. She brought me along to her therapy appointment the day before yesterday so that I could meet her therapist and see if I wanted to talk to her. She was really nice and we got along really well, so all I have to do now is call and make the arrangements. I see a psychologist about once a month, but that's not often enough and we're not really seeing eye to eye anymore.
My mother is an over controlling freak. My parents own a real estate office that's about 2 or 3 miles away from my house, so she's always dropping by to check on me or work from home or something like that. I homeschool, by the way. She keeps all of my dr. appts. in a little pocket calendar in her purse, she always makes the appts for me, she always has to come with me to the appts... Every time I come out of my psychology appts, she always asks what I talked about with him. She doesn't understand that I go to talk to someone else because I don't want to talk to her. She keeps pestering me on the drive home, asking if I talked with him about this or that. She smothers me with all her questions about if I took all my shots, or all my meds, or if I got my school work done, or if I took care of my dog and cat, etc. I'm the last kid at home, (both of my siblings are out of the house. My brother is 7 years older, and my sister is 11 years older.), so I know she feels like she needs to hold on tighter before I go away to college, but still... I can't breathe sometimes because she's always hovering right over my shoulder.
I've been accepted to my #1 choice college already, and I really really want to get to go there this fall, but the only problem with that is that we haven't had a paycheck of any kind in about 5 months, and we have absolutely no money for anything. I'm going to have to get a full ride with scholarships and loans and grants to even be able to think about really truly going. Oh how the stress is everywhere...
And on top of everything else, the restaruant where I'm a prep cook is in forclosure so I'm going to be jobless by the end of next week. And no one is hiring right now. I live on an island that's about 12 miles long, so there's not really that many job oppurtunitys anyway, but with the recession and everything else, there's not really any new jobs anywhere.
Thanks for letting me rant again. This one got kinda long...
Edit: I am sorrry but I had to edit your post for content per rule:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/7/2009 7:49:55 AM (GMT-7)