Going over the edge

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BlueChicken
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 2/7/2009 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
 Life's not going so well for me right now, and I really just need to vent for a little while.
 
 I'm a 17 year old senior in high school. I was diagnosed with diabetes 11 years ago, and depression and a social phobia 1 year ago. I'm taking 150 mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) every night, 100 mg of Trazadone for sleep, some kind of an anti seizure med for my migraines, and all different kinds of insulin for my diabetes.
 
 Everything just seems to be weighing down on me a lot more lately. I used to be able to force myself out of bed when my alarm goes off, but now I just stare at my clock and wait until the last minute to get up. Some days I just can't get up at all. I have dance class from 11:30-3:30 every Saturday. So last Sat. I missed the entire day of classes because I couldn't find the will to get out of bed. It's not just a mental weight either, it's like I have a physical weight on my shoulders, and sometimes it won't let me up no matter how hard I try.
 
I finally broke down last Friday and told an older friend who's like a sister to me. She brought me along to her therapy appointment the day before yesterday so that I could meet her therapist and see if I wanted to talk to her. She was really nice and we got along really well, so all I have to do now is call and make the arrangements. I see a psychologist about once a month, but that's not often enough and we're not really seeing eye to eye anymore.
 
My mother is an over controlling freak. My parents own a real estate office that's about 2 or 3 miles away from my house, so she's always dropping by to check on me or work from home or something like that. I homeschool, by the way. She keeps all of my dr. appts. in a little pocket calendar in her purse, she always makes the appts for me, she always has to come with me to the appts... Every time I come out of my psychology appts, she always asks what I talked about with him. She doesn't understand that I go to talk to someone else because I don't want to talk to her. She keeps pestering me on the drive home, asking if I talked with him about this or that. She smothers me with all her questions about if I took all my shots, or all my meds, or if I got my school work done, or if I took care of my dog and cat, etc. I'm the last kid at home, (both of my siblings are out of the house. My brother is 7 years older, and my sister is 11 years older.), so I know she feels like she needs to hold on tighter before I go away to college, but still... I can't breathe sometimes because she's always hovering right over my shoulder.
 
 I've been accepted to my #1 choice college already, and I really really want to get to go there this fall, but the only problem with that is that we haven't had a paycheck of any kind in about 5 months, and we have absolutely no money for anything. I'm going to have to get a full ride with scholarships and loans and grants to even be able to think about really truly going. Oh how the stress is everywhere...
 
 And on top of everything else, the restaruant where I'm a prep cook is in forclosure so I'm going to be jobless by the end of next week. And no one is hiring right now. I live on an island that's about 12 miles long, so there's not really that many job oppurtunitys anyway, but with the recession and everything else, there's not really any new jobs anywhere.
 
 Thanks for letting me rant again. This one got kinda long...
      God Bless,
            Blue 

Edit:  I am sorrry but I had to edit your post for content per rule:

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Kitt

 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/7/2009 7:49:55 AM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/7/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Blue Chicken,

I am so sorry your struggling and I understand that having diabetes is  extremely difficult for you as it sets you apart from your peers.

Do you have an insulin Pump?  The school kids I work with, Grades K-12 that have the pumps do really well.  Perhaps you and your Mom could sit down and you could talk with her about some of your concerns.

IMHO you need professional help and talking to your friend"s  therapist is fine to see if you may like her, but I would assume you are on your parent's medical insurance?

You are going to have to talk to your Mom if you want to  find a new therapist.  If your parents are paying the bills, you have to confide in them. You also need to tell your Dr. about your self harming.

Please remember we are Not professionals and we are here to support and care about you but we cannot take the place of a good therapist.

Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


BlueChicken
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 3/18/2009 1:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for replying =) My computer's been a mess and I haven't had internet in forever...

I don't have a pump, and I thought about getting one once, but the cons outweigh the pros at this point. I dance ballet, and it would be really difficult with a pump connected to my hip and a cord along the way. I'd also have to get my blood sugar average down to about a 7 or an 8, and right now it's at about a 12. So there's no way a doctor is going to let me get anywhere near a pump.

Yes, I use my parent's med insurance. But where I live, the age of consent is 13, and I'm well past that, so I don't even have to tell my mom that I'm seeing a therapist. They work with me so that I only have to pay $10 a visit, so I can actually pay it myself. My first appt with her is going to be this Friday, so I'm looking forward to that.

I just saw my psych... He's either the psychologist or the psychiatrist. He's the one who handles all my meds and such. Anyway, I just saw him today, and we're switching my anti-depressant again. So now I'm starting Efexor and continuing my Trazadone. I've been at this for a year now, and I still haven't found an anti-depressant that works for me... I've tried 5 already, and this one will be my 6th. How long does it usually take for someone to find one that works?

On my after visit sheet summary thing that I got today, it says that I have a 'Social Phobia' and 'Major Recurrent Depression'. I'm 17, I shouldn't have this many problems. It always seems like God's picking on me. None of my friends have anywhere near the ammount of problems that I do. And what makes it worse, is that I know how hard my medical bills are hitting my parents. We haven't had a paycheck in almost 6 months. We've never really gotten any extra stuff around the house, like cable or something, but jus a couple weeks ago we had to send back our water cooler. (We got it in the first place because our tap water tastes like chlorine).

My brother's big surgery was when he was a Soph in highschool and he broke his leg. He had to get a metal rod and screws put in his lower leg. My sister's big surgery was in highschool too. She broke her elbow when she fell off a horse. But me? I got a sudamonas(staff) infection in my eye and had to have a transplant. A transplant! I'm just so sick of all my medical issues... When I go into the doctors and they ask what meds I'm taking, I have to give them a pre-written note with all of them listed because it takes too long to reiterate everything to the nurse.

Ok, I'm rambling about what a crappy life I have again... I found a new quote and I think it's the perfect one for me to remember. "Be kinder than necessary to others, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." On that note, I'mma head out.
~Blue
To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.
 
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
 
We've got our backs against the ocean, It's just us against the world. 


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/18/2009 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Blue Chicken, I am so sorry one so young has already been through so much. Was the transplant successful? If so then that`s so fantastic.! Have you tried to explain to your mother that the reason you go to psych is to have someone to tell the things you feel you can`t tell anyone else. Try talking to her as one adult to another and see how that goes. You are her son not to mention her youngest, I am sure she worries about you. Your dancing sounds like a wonderful outlet. Let`s face it it would be hard to not be somewhat depressed to have all the medical issues at so young. You should not compare yourself to your sibs as we should not compare ourselves to anyone else. We are all individuals who have our own issues one thing that seems so small to another might seem insurmountable to another. We are hear to listen and give support. Keep your appt and maybe this therapist can help. Please keep seeking pro help as we are just peers not docs. Bless you and be well. JEZZIE51

BlueChicken
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 3/25/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for replying =)

Yes, the transplant was successful and everything's going well now. I have a prescription for eye drops for the rest of my life, but other than that my vision in the bad eye is about 20/120 now, which is soooooo much better than the 20/800 it used to be =).

I feel kinda like an idiot right now; it never even occured to me to talk to her about why I don't want to talk to her, if that makes any sense. ( I'm her daughter, btw ) =) Thinking about it now makes me feel like I've been acting like a 8 year old, instead of my 17. I'll give it a shot, and hopefully we'll be able to figure something out.

I fell down my stairs last Wednesday. It wasn't pretty. Today is the first day that I can walk without looking like I'm 95 with a bad back... So I've had to sit--stand, actually; I can't sit too well-- out of dance this entire week. Luckily I didn't break anything, so there's a major plus.

Thanks for letting me spew my thoughts here again,
~Blue
 We've got our backs against the ocean, It's just us against the world. 
 
 Be kinder than necessary to others, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
 
 Depression, Migraines, Type 1 Diabetes, Social Phobia, Corneal Transplant Recipient, Insomniac...

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