I don't want depression to show

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Pamela Neckpain
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/15/2009 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
i don't want my depression to show to my husband.
I find it hard to move right now.
the depression is so ... thick and dark.
can i pop out and fool him with a big smile.
when i'm depressed i just feel ugly.'
oh dam n shakehead

Holding Tightly
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 2/15/2009 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Pamela, I know how you feel. It's difficult for me to admit to people that I'm depressed, but I've found when I do I usually receive understanding. And I sometimes think that our husbands know when we're not doing well even if we don't tell them.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 2/15/2009 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that she is right Pamela. He might think that you are mad or don't care for him if you don't talk to him. Unless you can really keep up a good fake smile.

I really hope that you feel better soon. Remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/15/2009 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Getting & Holding ...
Good to hear from you.
This is so difficult.
He is so cheerful.
Oooooph.
Pamela

stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/16/2009 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Pam,

Suffering through depression is so sad, would your husband not tell you if he had a heart attack.............It is not your fault you have depression.

My hubby lives with a yoyo.  I can have a really good week and then fall down for a couple of days and I have No idea why.  I quit trying to analyze myself but to work at getting back up.  He helps me.

Hugs sweetie.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 2/17/2009 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Pam I just want to say that it is very unheathy to hide your depression or at lest it was for me.My family was aware that I was depressed.But thay did not know how bad it was because I did not want to admit that I was that sick.If I had admitted how depressed I was thay would have forced me to get help and I would not have hurt myself.Your depression is caused from your C/P and my C/P was caused from hurting myself when I was depressed.Please do not feel to bad about feeling this way it is not your fault and I am sure your husband will try to under stand how you feel.If at first it is hard for him I think he will still try to understand you.He knows what you live with everyday and from your other post I know he is there for you.So talk to him I think it will go better then you think.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/18/2009 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
We all hide it one way or another. Its natural for us to try to not show it. Its very hard though. I have hid mine for a long while now. My fake smile works wonders on people...no one ever notices that its not real. They only see the outside smile, not the inside pain.

I think that your husband would try to understand. Someone sad he might think you dont care for him or that your mad. Just try talking to you. Most likely he wants you to be happy and he will try to help you. Depression requires support from others. Its important to have people who care, but they have to know the truth first. Thats a first step to recovery, admit you have a problem. You can go from there. Hiding is horrible and we shouldnt have to do it......the thing is, we dont. You are not an alien, you just have medical problems, thats normal. Its easier to hide than to have to tell people how you feel....but talking about it is WAY better than staying isolated...I think you will feel better if you talk about it rather than hide...

Its your call. But, I wish you the best of luck, remember that you are a strong individual and that you will get through this no matter what. Best Wishes

Christi
Lyrica(14 months) and Paxil(about 6+- months)-both helping some, but would like to see better results
www.myspace.com/wilson_gal22
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


JeannieM
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 2/18/2009 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
My problem is my husband doesn't understand and expects me to snap out of it. If only that were possible. That's why I try and hide mine too.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 2/18/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jeannie,

Could you get some literature for him to read to get him to understand about your depression? He obviously doesn't understand it when he wants you to just 'snap out of it'. It doesn't work like that.

Keep posting, we are here for you. Let us know what is going on. Do you go to counseling? Do you take medications for your depression? I wish you the very best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/18/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I went to the psychiatrist today. He doubled my Celexa. He wants to see me
again in two weeks and will probably raise it again.

He says that Depression makes Chronic Pain worse and, of course, Chhronic Pain
makes Depression worse.

Stkitt, Mom, Christie, Jeannie, and dear Karen. Thank you. I'll speak more when I
can.

mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 2/18/2009 8:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Jeannie just would like to say I understand how you feel.My husband did not understand why I could not snap out of it after my sister died and that is why I started to hide it.If you get some literature for him and he still doesn`t understand maybe you should have him talk to me.I can explain to him what I did to my self then maybe he will understand how importent it is for you to be able to talk out loud about your depression.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 2/20/2009 5:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Pamela for so many years i hid my depression from every one noone outside our house knew anything of it until one day things just got so bad .In a way hiding it from everyone was my way of coping i just found it so easy to do .
Hiding it from your hubby must be hard for you mine just didn`t except that there was anything wrong i was always in a grumpy mood and my moods were so changeable .
Now he realises that i have suffered from depression for lots of years he is slowly coming around but it has been very difficult indeed .
Snowflake

jacq
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/24/2009 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
My difficulty is hiding it at work. I have been in workplaces that "say" they understand "mental health issues" etc etc, but of course they dont really (except the few that had been there before with their own issues) and my career certainly suffered as a result. I now have the best new job ever, and dont want to wreck it with the ups and downs I have. They appear much more understanding here, but all the same, I dont yet trust "surface" understanding and I am working hard to hide it and develop coping strategies. Things like flexible hours and the ability to work from hime sometimes certainly helps, and I just joined a new gym to get back into my regular fitness program (which is one of the best depression treatments I found!). So I am trying to put into place strategies that keep the depression and mood swings manageable so no one at work needs to find out. I hate having to do that, and it is tiring, but my experience so far had not been very positive. I think one of the hardest things is to understand what depression is like if you have never had it. How can you describe such an awful debilitaitng feeling that is only coming from your head?? It IS hard for others to understand - we dont even understand it!

Anyway, the advice you have recieved here sounds good - if you have to hide something like this from your husband then that is not at all conducive to a good recovery. You need his support, but he needs to know you have an ILLNESS and that it is not who you are, or that he is causing your unhappiness. Take him to a doctors appointment - it is good having the explanations coming from a respected health professional.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

bamaskies
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 2/27/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to hide my depression. Most of the peope I am around, including my wife, see depression as a weakness. So I know how you feel. Inside I feel like I am dying alittle at a time. When I am around people I try to act 'normal' as best that I can. But still, inside I am withering away. I have taken many different  meds since being diagnosed with major clinical depression in 1995 as a result of 3 major operations to the cervical and lumbar section of my spine. I developed chronic pain, lost my federal job of 16 years, wife of 26 years left with children, lost house and land; lost everything within a 5 year span. Now I am disabled with no real friends, not even my current wife. I have acquantances at church but everybody is just polite. The people that know that I suffer from depression say my nerves are bad. I do not take antidepressants anymore because I need to feel the few good times that I have. With the meds I felt nothing. I take life a minute at a time now. I am waiting for technology to be able to help me with my pain. I believe that will help with the depression. To help with the depression I do volunteer work. No body ask questions about volunteers. I listen to music and enjoy being active. I have found that being idle is the worst thing for my depression. God bless you and I hope you feel better tommorrow.
 
 
 
Cervical fusion all cervical disk, disk at L4 L5 removed, current buldge at L3L4. I take fentynyl patch 50mcg every 48 hours and hydrycodone 10 mg for breakthrough pain.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 2/27/2009 9:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi bamaskies,

Welcome to the depression forum. there are many wonderful members here who are kind, compassionate and understanding.

There are many meds out there. Not all of them cause you to feel nothing. I take effexor and I can feel joy and excitement. I also take abilify for obsessive thinking, it is also a mood stabilizer. I feel better than I have in years.

We have an introductory thread if you are interested in posting on it. It makes it so that we know a little about everybody there. But that is totally up to you.

I sure hope that you can start feeling better soon. I know that it is rough, getting through depression that is.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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