It's crazy how fast moods can change

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weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 2/18/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not having a good day, have felt down today. Finding out that I won't be able to start school until August and I feel like maybe it's too big of a thing, wondering if I can hack it. I'm tired of being so isolated, I'm tired of talking to myself a lot, tired of feeling guilty as a mother, tired of spending way too much time on the computer and I'm just tired of who I am sometimes. I'm going to have to keep looking for work and it seems too time consuming, wondering if I'll be happy doing whatever job I may get and not feeling confident about working. Feeling stupid that I didn't answer my phone today because someone called me from a number I didn't recognise and the only thing I thought of was that it was a potential job. They didn't leave a message which dampered it even more, I guess they don't want to mess around if people don't answer their phones. I'm feeling so unsure about everything.
 
I feel like my life is what I make of it, so it's my fault. I just want so badly to take initiative over my life and DO something to change my circumstances! I'm nothing but a hermit and a computer addict. I wish I could wake up everyday and not care about this darn thing so much and get out there and actually be present! It sounds so stupid I know and I feel even more stupid because I know that I am the only one to change my circumstances so why is it so hard? I guess from this day forward I need to make some changes because I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm wasting everyday of my life being a hermit and the computer is my only way to the outside world, at least it feels that way. I have no confidence and I have no self esteem.


Dx Bipolar II Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
 

Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 2/18/2009 4:52:33 PM (GMT-7)


weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 2/18/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to add, that I'm tired of being there for everybody else and nobody is there for me. The only people that I have is the people on this board. My SO will text me and I'm right on it responding back, my mom will email me I'm right there emailing her back, my old friend will contact me through myspace and I'm right there another old friend will text me and I'm right there. Theres very few people that call me but I always answer my phone. But if I do those things people don't get back to me....Because their too busy. I don't know, somtimes I just don't even want to talk to people anymore.


Dx Bipolar II Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
 

Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 2/18/2009 5:07:06 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 2/18/2009 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Hope,

 

Is there any way you can get a job for the summer and still go to school in the fall?  You can still apply for the grant when it is time.  It is just getting pushed back a little.  I think you need to apply for the grant in the summer.  I can't remember for sure.  But that is to make sure whether or not you are going to get the money. 

Jobs are more plentiful in the spring, so you should be able to find something until you decide to go back to school, if you do.  I hope that you still are thinking about it. 

Things can seem so difficult at times.  It just seems like there is no way out or we get disappointed along the way.  But we bounce back, accept that things aren't going to go exactly how we wanted them to and we deal with that as it comes.  But I wouldn't give up on school if I were you.  It sounds like you really want to learn. 

Best wishes for a wonderful evening,

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 2/18/2009 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Wish-
What about working through a temp agency? Then if you don't like a job you just call your agency & after a day or two you can quit and try another position. Plus, it's not permanent so you could go back to school or take a break whenever you want.

weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 2/19/2009 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I just needed to vent really, I will go to school even though I am scared about a few things. And I'll do all of the things it takes to go to school in the fall. I'm just feeling unsure about a lot of things. And I'm not really sure how long it's going to take to find a job. Also not feeling confident about working. I don't really want to go through a temp agency because I've done them before and only had success with one. A lot of them wasted my time. There are times when I just hate who I am and I hate myself because I should be doing things to change my circumstances. Anyway, I might not be on as much because I need to try and stay away from my computer for a while, this board has been slow too, Thanks for trying to help......
Dx Bipolar II Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
 

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