You know the last couple days of helping others and feeling a sense of fulfillment is sometimes a passing glory when you have depression or not.
They say that when you do good things, it comes back around and brings goodness to you. Now don't get me wrong I don't look for gratitude or any other acknowledgments for what I do, I never had I do everything out of the goodness of my heart and always have and never have I ever regret ed any of the acts.
But, I am depressed today, severely!! I guess I am just really fed up with everything going sour for me. I wont go into specifics but yesterday after spending a much needed day with my daughter, I started having car problems again. Of course, I am broke and have no means of taking care of the repairs as usual. I guess what I am saying is this...........I can feel at the top of the world helping others but it depresses me that goodness is nowhere near me, EVER!! I guess I am just sick of nothing good coming my way when I am in need. I dont even have anyone that truly cares about the trials I am going through and I am wondering why I even try. I feel so alone and I thank that adds to the matter because I have no one to talk with about the good and bad things that happen in my life! Ok, I do have you guys but it would just be nice to have someone to tell my accomplishments to and see a smile or someone that I can lean on and cry to when I need TLC. I am really bitter right now because I want someone to care about me and what I go through. No one knows because I have learned to put on a face. However, trying to keep up with the hurt that I really have is killing me. I keep hoping for just one small thing to happen that would restore my FAITH in the fact that good things can happen for me.
I am so tired.
" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994