New to forum - Huge crisis and now I feel "normal". Is this for real?

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ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 2/23/2009 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all.  I've been reading the posts on this forum and am glad I found it.  I only wish I found these types of resources years ago.
 
I've been depressed for 10+ years.  about the only thing medicine had ever done for me is stop me from killing myself.  A couple of months ago I started making some positive changes including divorcing my sense of worth from the job I do and going back to college at 41 years old.  Though these things were happening and I now realize my internal dialog was changing, the outward me did not change.
 
Then came the crisis.  Late in January my wife of 18+ years took our daughter and left. (major backstory dealing with her bipolar disorder but that's not part of this thread). My depression was one of the major factors in this decision. We had separated and come close to divorce before, but this time she was dead set on it.  She said I would make promises and seem to change for a couple of months, and then I would be right back at it.
 
I spent a week continuing all aspects of my life while at the same time planning to end it.  I spent a couple nights literally seconds away from ending my life.  I finally concluded that I didn't really want to die and that life would go on.
 
Since then its been like I'm "normal" again.  For three weeks I have not had any negative self-talk or negative self-image.  I've had no thoughts of suicide.  I find myself wanting to go out into the world and be with people.  After ten years of having that voice in my head saying that I suck and am a fraud and am not worth anything, suddenly everything is different.
 
(Side note: my wife has seen the changes, realized she still loves me, and we are now talking through a separation rather than divorce.)
 
My fear is that this is just temporary.  Has anyone else every experienced a dramatic turnaround like this, only to have yourself go back into the depression?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/23/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello and Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. This is Kitt.

Yes, there are variations with depression.  I have had MDD for 25 or so years now and have had years where I was hardly aware I had the disorder.  If you feel okay is a good thing.

I would take it very slow with getting back together with your ex as that may be a trigger to some of your problems.  I hope you are working closely with your physician and a therapist.

I am not a professional but I do wish you peace and happiness.

Remember to stay in the Moment and do not dwell on past mistakes or worry about tomorrow.........be here in the now and do the best you can.

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 2/23/2009 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Theronson,

There are times when I function better in a crisis situation too. I think it has to do with knowing that we can only do the best that we can. And we don't expect miracles out of ourselves. Unless you only function well during turmoil, that is different. Some people cause their own turmoil because that is what they are use to.

I hope that you continue to feel good.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 2/23/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your comments. I wish the answer is "you're cured!" but I know it will not be that simple.

I only spoke to a therapist during the crisis points, but after reading your comments i think its best to setup some more appointments.

mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 2/24/2009 11:57 PM (GMT -7)   
After I did try to take my life and came so very close to dieing I stopped having those kind of thoughts.I do not know if it really stopped or if it stopped because my DR.S started me on a anti-depression medication when I was still in a medically induced coma.I am not willing to stop taking my medication to find out.After a very hard fight to live I found out that life is very worth living.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

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