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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 2/26/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
a depressive one at that , I can't seem to convince myself latelty to fight , I have bin spending a lot of time doing nothing, to solve my problems, except seeing doctors one after the other. I want to write this because it needs to get out of me, and this is the only place I feel comfortable sharing my troubles.

I'm getting nowhere, I'v looked hard at my situation and I can see I'm in a loop. I don't have a JOB and I need one, but I don't have the energy to work, my docotors all urge me to work so I can be a productive person instead of doing nothing, I left my last job last year because I just could not handle it, I ran away and I don't know why I did that, except I wanted to sleep. I sleep everyday waiting for my problem to be solved, running away to sleep seems the only enjoyable thing left to me , I feel empty inside waiting for that final sleep. I'm only 35 but I'm thinking this life of mine should end because I can't find pleasure in the things I used to enjoy.

I'm in trouble with money, I'v stached away my life savings in stocks which fell considrably durring this current econimic downfall, if I sold them durring last july I could have bought a house for me, but now they can barly buy me a new car. I don't have any cash I'm running out, without a job I'm uable to support myself, to eat and buy medicine.

Sorry for another rant, I had to write this somewhere, I'm still going nowhere and I feel I'm in nomad's land trapped in an island with no hope for the future.

Why o WHy can't I work? why do I run away from something that would save me and help me? I feel boared when I want to do anything, everything is so exausting mentally, like even driving the car around seems pointless to me, paying the bill seems pointless, eating seems boring all the food seems to taste the same. watching movies was so much exciting one day for me now it's just something to get my mind off my life..

And i met a great girl, I want to spend my future with her , she's so cool but I have nothing to offer her, I don't feel like I'm man enough to build a family, how can I take it to the next step if i don't have a job or money to aford building a life for me and her, so I'm stuck here don't know how to get to the next step of my life, still single at 35 and time is ticking, I'm afraid of time, Afraid of my next birthday in a few months because I'll be 36 and I'll have even less time left to build a family.

Why can't I enjoy the things I used to enjoy? I keep blaming it for my time I spent on online gaming addiction, that I have stopped but it still affects me now I think.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 2/26/2009 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Writing things down seems to help us get them off of our mind and off of our chest. So I hope that this has helped you some. It always helps me to write things down. Especially here.

Are you on any medications right now? Do the doctors have anything else to say other than to go to work? You should try to get moving around. Maybe take a walk once a day and see how that helps you. I walk whenever I can. It does me a world of good.

I hope that you start feeling better soon. Your'e definately not worthless. So give a walk a try, even if it is just for five minutes, it helps.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 2/26/2009 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
yes doctors constantly changing my medication trying difirent things over the past 9 years or so. I'm currently on ablify / zoloft / euthyrox ( for the thyroid function ) . and I have an appointment with a doctor for hypertension in a week, because everytime I test my hypertension is very high, like yesterday it was 160/100. so I'll prop end-up taking medication for that too. I'll have to stop ablify soon though as I can't aford it, it's pretty expensive here like 200$ per pack. and it doesn't seem to have helped after taking it for about a month.

Post Edited (Akram) : 2/26/2009 6:05:55 PM (GMT-7)


jennifer tromble
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/26/2009 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
hi,
hope you're feeling better. look, everyone with depression goes through these periods of absolute paralysis every now and again. we all just get so overwhelmed by all the variables, one seemingly worse than the next, and there seems no escape whatsoever, no chance for change, no relief, no possibility, no hope.  i've been there, and, through bitter experience, have discovered that what you're doing now, the negative self-talk and berating yourself, does no good. you're stuck right now, and that's okay. it's kinda like quicksand; if you panic and scramble and flail around, you're only going to sink even further. so lie still. relax.  you didn't get where you are in a day's time, and chances are you're not goint to get out in a day's time. so give yourself today to forget about it.  watch an idiotic t.v. show. read something funny. give yourself permission to take a break from the self-chatter, the what if's and what have i done's.  and tomorrow, or the day after, or monday, you'll start to pull out of this again. and then it might be time to grab a paper and look at the want ads, or to call your doctor and try something else. but now, today, rest. 
let us know how you're doing. please.
jennifer

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 2/26/2009 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
It is too bad that the abilify is so expensive. I use to get samples when I could. Is there anyway that you can do that? It helps me so much, I don't know what I would do without it.

I really help you find a way to feel better soon. Keep posting here, that helps.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 2/27/2009 3:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Akram,

Why don't you try setting yourself small goals & then start working towards them, then you don't have to look at the big goals which might seem to intimidating?
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/27/2009 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Akram,

Li is right on............... get yourself out of that hole and start being proactive my dear friend.  You are a wonderful person with depression.  You are like most of us here.  We fight daily and then again we have some long runs of success.

A human being is a goal-oriented animal. The mind needs a focus to target. Without a focus, the mind wanders around. Achieving goals gives a sense of self-esteem and satisfaction. This cannot be obtained anywhere else. To feel good because we have done something creditworthy is a great medicine. It elevates our mind. It gives us new vigor and new joy. When we feel good about ourselves and get assured about our abilities, it removes negativities from the mind. That helps fight depression to a great extent.

Do not set very high goals. If you fail to achieve them, you will feel worse. try to set small goals that are achievable. After setting these goals, write them and keep the paper with you most of the times. From time to time, read the goals again and keep planning and implementing strategies to achieve the goals. As you begin achieving the goals, you will begin feeling good. Reference: Mohatta, CD "Goals - They Can Fight Your Depression."

I always write lots of small goals, just brainstorm in your own mind and nothing is to silly or wrong to write down.  Look for a job, one with little stress other then getting out of bed and going to the job.  Take one that is very casual part time, maybe only a few hours a week to start with.

Most of all believe in yourself and know you can come here and vent anytime you want too. We care.

Hugs
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 2/27/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks guys for the wonderfull replies, li and kitt you speak true words of wisdom, my mental state is a little better since I wrote this I'm trying to gather my hopes now and focus on the goals, I did a job search today and found that there is still a lot of opportunities to consider for someone with my skills, I'm hoping I get a reply soon as to the jobs, there isn't a whole lot of jobs here in jordan so I applied for other countries too.


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/1/2009 2:53 AM (GMT -7)   
hi frances, thanks for the nice words of encouragement, it means a lot to me :) here I am hanging in there, step by step trying to improve myself, it's hard and exausting but I got to do it :)

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