Update and help

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avadak
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/2/2009 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone, sorry to be absent from the forums after my brief first visit. If anyone can remember I signed up because my fiance has major anxiety and depression issues.

An update to what has happened recently:
He seemed to be getting worse and then better, or so I thought. When I did hear from him he would tell me that he has been sleeping quite a bit and that he has good and bad days. Well, within the last week, he got so depressed he told me that I could do better than him, that I could find someone who wasn't so ill and depressed, and basically called us off because he is sick. He also said that he doesn't feel like doing any of his usual favorite activities and that any time he does get to go outside he has to take his medication. (he went for a 10 minute walk last weekend and got really bad that he had to take his medication, of which he does not like to do) And ever since then has been really depressed that he is ill with anxiety and gets depressed from being depressed. He has basically shut the world out and I am not sure how to help. It really hurts that he told me that I could do better than him, and I know that it is the anxiety and depression talking but it still hurts. I have reassured him that I am with him through till the end of this. He has become irritable and snaps at people, (I was one of the ones he snapped at as of our last conversation) I do not know how to proceed from here. I try to reassure him that I am here for him and that I love him, but I am afraid that any attempts I make to try to reach out to him will only irritate him more and then his anxiety will get worse and therefore his depression, a vicious cycle. (it is not just me it is any one he comes in contact with) As I mentioned he currently lives with two roommates that extremely annoy him and depend on him as if he were their dad, and it saddens me that he is in that situation and I told him and he even mention that he was going to move to get away from them, because he thinks that the main cause of his anxiety and depression is living with them. I think they are dependent on him more than he realizes. If he would just take that step to move I can see him gradually improving, but it is like everyday that he lives there he is going deeper in a hole and it is harder and harder to reach the light to get where he needs to be to move. Anyway that is where it stands, I have tried to be there for him and he gets irritated at me and tells me I can do better, so I am not sure where or how to proceed.
So if anyone has any suggestions, or comments I welcome them thanks!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 3/2/2009 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Avadak,

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Are you seeking any counseling for support and guidance? I really think that would help at this time. Is he taking any meds for this? I wonder if he needs something of a mood stabilizer? I see you said that he had to take some medication when he went out for a walk, is that for anxiety?

This could be a rough road for you, that is why I think some support like counseling would benefit you. I would like to see you look into that.

It is the depression talking when he gets irritable, but you shouldn't be subjected to so much of it. This is going to bring you down. But I am glad to know that you are trying to be there for him, without interfering. He needs support. Is he going to counseling? That would help him too.

Keep posting and let us know what is going on. We are definately here for you. I hope that he gets better and that all of this works out for the both of you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/4/2009 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Avadak,

If he is aware of the vicious cycle he's in, does he believe that there's help out there for him? Has he been to the doctor lately? Seen a counselor? Anything?

I've been in that up and down myself lately, and it means the world to me that my boyfriend is there for me. He has been on the recieving end of my verbal abuse lately, and I do feel terrible about it. But without him encouraging me, I don't know that I would be getting better now.

Encourage him to go to the doctor. Maybe, like Karen says, he needs a mood stabilizer, or some sort of adjustment of the medicines he's taking.

I hope for both of you that things start getting better! Hugs!
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12


avadak
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/7/2009 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
Thanks for your replies.
I am not seeing a counselor for this. I am not even sure where to go for counseling or guidance on this as it isn't for me, it is for him.

He is taking Diazepam for his Anxiety, he asked for medication for his depression but the doctors do not think he has it, but he and I both agree he does, all the signs and symptoms are there, plus I know personally as years ago I suffered through depression. So they did not give him anything for his depression.
I am trying to help as I can but also keep my distance when I need to, it is hard, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but if it will help him I will do it.

In answer to your question bar77, he has gone to the doctor quite frequently actually, but in my opinion he needs to see a different doctor as the one he sees is very lousy, and cannot even see depression when it is staring him in the face. He plans to see a different doctor but in a different area as he has seen the only ones in his current area. (he lives in a small town where there are not a lot of doctors to choose from) but that means he needs to make a trip to a different city, but if he cannot even make it down the road 10 minutes.... you know that vicious cycle he is in. He has dealt with Anxiety on and off for the last 20 years and has seen numerous counselors. I wonder myself if he needs a mood stabilizer. We talked just the other day and he seemed fine but then something small irritated him and he just about flipped. We then talked for about an hour or more after and then I haven't heard anymore from him since that day. He says he has good and bad days, and that is his usual.

The thing that hurts the most is the majority of the time he says that I cannot help him because I do not understand his condition at all. Well, maybe I don't but I have been reading on it, and finding out more about it, but comes across that his is the worse case of Anxiety and depression there ever was and that nothing on earth, no medication, or treatment will help, how can I even begin to try to help him when he thinks this way? Whenever I try to offer any suggestions of any sort he gets so mad and snaps at me saying he has done it already and it did not help. I think he thinks that there is some major extreme treatment that is unorthodox and never ever been used that will help him, that or it seems like he wants to be sick because nothing has helped or he won't let anything help. I know that latter is not true but that is what it seems like.

Anyway, thanks again for your replies, and for taking time from your schedules to help me, this place has been my only outlet so far and I am very grateful to have found it and all the lovely people here.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/7/2009 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   

avadak

I think he really needs to see a Psychiatrist. IMHO, he needs to be diagnosised by a Doctor that deals in mental health issues.

There are many successful ways to deal with depression, including lifestyle changes, therapy, medications, and alternative treatments. Please help him find a good Psychiatrist and  remember you cannot force him into anything. 

Here is a video that may help you.

http://it.truveo.com/How-To-Help-Someone-That-Is-Depressed/id/1126119380

Keep on talking to us, we care and also remember to take care of Number 1, yourself.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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