Just trying to be a supportive husband.

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Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/3/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
 I have read a lot of posts on this sight that could describe my life. I have a wife that recently told me she doesn't feel any love for me or herself. Just our 2and a half year old son.She did deal with depression around 10 years ago when we were first dating. She got though it with counseling . The last 4 years she has been going to school full time [a 5 year program in 4 years ].She is carrying a 4.0 grade point average into her final semester. She is in honor society and heading up the committees in honor society.She has been battleing anxiety issues but has now has gone into a pretty bad depression. She has called for counseling and is waiting for an appointment. It has torn me apart. I have worked 6 days a week for 4 years and have supported her in every way I can . I have been human and have had diagreements but nothing out of the ordinary. When the depression started she got real distant and said she is numb inside. She focuses on the bad of our marriage never the good things. She has all the classic signs. Doesnt think she is a good enough wife, or mother. She doesnt beleive God loves her. At first it was really bad because I did not know how to react. I love my wife with all my heart but cant hug her or get into her space. I read a lot of other posters in similar situations but it would be encouraging if it ever got better for any of them. My life i a rollercoaster but I wont bail out on her. She says that I will get tired of her being crazy but when I asked her if she wanted me to bail out on her she said no... and I know by her tone of voice she is being sincere. Any husbands out there with success stories would be a help for me.I have never been a quiter in anything I have done but it is hard when your loved one is hurting and you want to hug and reassure this person and you cant. confused

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/3/2009 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not a hubby but I do want to say you are a stand up guy IMHO for trying to find a way to reach her and save your lives and Love
The pain and numbness I just went thru putting my hubby n daughter thru hell
I had to ask for forgiveness I shut them out no talking no communication nothing

I am so glad she is reaching out for help
I know I did and I am doing so much better
I was terrified of losing the man I love with all I have and our daughter ..........

He and her both have said how good it is to "HAVE" me back to the wife and Mother I was prior to the last month

I wish you all the best and my heart thoughts and prayers are with you

Been there
...................LYN

..You mention she will not let you hug or hold her I was exactly that way but thats me

I was so embarrassed for what was happening to me and I felt useless and unworthy of their love......again me

Hang in THERE.............LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/3/2009 1:35:26 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/3/2009 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cowboyup,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I hope that you can get the advice that you are searching for.

Does she take any antidepressants, or go to counseling? It sounds like it would really help her.

I hope that things get better for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/3/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
She never needed any meds but did call for an appointment with a counselor. I know it is pretty common for a persons serotonin levels to be run down with long stretches of stress . The thing that is tough is hearing from my spouse that she doesnt feel any love for me . Thanks Howlyncat for your encouraging words words the prayer is what is getting me through this . It is hard when you have really been trying to be supportive for her to get through the school and her being easily agitated of things beyond my control. My intial reaction was not the best because I actually felt angry thinking cant she see how much I was sacrificeing but my faith in God is helping a lot.

Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/3/2009 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I just found it amazing reading through the posts how many spouses were dealing with the same situation. It is amazing how similar the descriptions were of what others were going through.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/3/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi cowboy, I am not a husband with a depressed wife, I am the wife with depression.

I have the best hubby in the world and for 26 years he has put up with so much as I have with his problems.  He has medical diseases and I am blessed with the depression.  Together we make it through.

I have always recognized my anxiety and depression and have begged for help..........it is not fun being depressed while the world around you seems so happy.

I applaud your for standing by your wife, now help her get therapy and psychological treatment she needs. :-)

Be sure to tell her it is ok.  yeah No one asks for this disorder and it is a disorder people do not understand.............

If I only had a dime for everytime some said, "get a grip".

My prayers for you and your wife and family.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/3/2009 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I really dont think standing by her is thing more then what a a husband should do ,or wife . I know how rough it has been and really dont see an end in sight right now she is waiting forher appointment. The truth is she is the love of my life and wouldnt even trade the worst days to be without her.In the longrun I truly beleive I will be a better husband and the marriage will be stronger when we get trough this.

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/3/2009 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart goes out to you. It almost brings tears to my eyes to hear the compassion you have for your wife. I have a great boyfriend, and thank god for him. Even though there are times I don't want hugs or to talk about things, it means the world that he is there for me. Sometimes for me just knowing that I have someone is enough. She is so lucky to have you, and I can't see with so much love and compassion how things wouldn't work out. You have an admiral attitude that you'll be stronger together getting trough it! Hang in there!
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12


lespaul
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 3/5/2009 11:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Cowboy Up! Yeah this is definitly the roughest ride of our life so far, I,m praying for you because I'm going through almost the same exact situation with my wife of 11+ years.  My wife also said that she was not attracted to me anymore and she doesn't want me to hug or hold her because it feels fake to her.  She says she is sorry she feels that way and she is not sure why.  My wife also had been in school and had just landed her dream job only to be told one night that maybe she wasn't cut out for it by a supervisor. Since that night she came home with tears in her eyes, she has been a different person. She quit that job (My wife was not a quitter) and her talking stopped. Before this incident she was a very affectionate and talkative woman. Now she stays in bed on her off days and watchs TV. She does go to the gym and a community chior with her sister but she is different to me.  What kills me is that she acts normal when we go to church or to her sisters house and then flips back when we get home.  Just keep loving her brother, that's all we can do. It is true that you need to do stuff for yourself to regain your sanity. We are going to marriage counseling and the therapist told her she seems depressed but my wife is in denial. She won't take any meds. I'm debating about getting her parents involved. I have kept it from them for 6 months but I think I need some help talking to her about seeing a doctor. 
Hang in there brother! Your wife still loves you she just can't figure out why her feelings are so mixed up. Every now and then I see glimpses of the woman I fell in love with come through her cloud of depression and it helps me stay strong. I've grown closer to the Lord through all this and I can really say that this storm has been a blessing for me. I have never prayed or read my Bible so much in all my life! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding, Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take" Proverbs 3:5-6 "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27
Lespaul     

Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/6/2009 4:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey lespaul thanks for the reply and encouragement . I am amazed how similar our situations are . If I didnt start the day off on my knees in prayer I woulld not make it through the day . It really isnt me being strong but to whom I am leaning on . The one thing I have going for me is my wife knows and openly admits she is depressed. It is just hard when you are doing the right thing and she is saying something snippy as a response . Then 10 minutes later she says she is sorry. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. :-)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/6/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Cowboy,

I am praying for you daily and know that you and your wife are both very special, you will get through this together. You are right, it will make you stronger to deal with the problems together and  please know I truly care.

Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 3/6/2009 5:42:37 PM (GMT-7)


fanny
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 3/6/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Cowboy,

 

You seem like a real sweet guy. Hang in there and keep with the prayers. I say mine all day and it gives me peace.

 

Your wife is lucky to have you!!

 

Fanny yeah

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