Have you thought about scheduling some counseling visits for yourself? You've been carrying a heavy burden for a while and you have all kinds of frustrations and concerns. Talking about it with a professional will help a lot.
Eventually there will be a time for sessions with your wife. And we have to resist the temptation of viewing counseling as a way to "fix" another person. We can really only control how we will respond to the things going on around us.
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
"... expect the unexpected ..." (O. Wilde)
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)