words that hurt - what not to say

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thisbites
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/8/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
What are some of the things people should NOT say to people with depression?  Is there anything in particular that a person CAN say that would be helpful/supportive?  What would it feel like if people thought you would feel better if you just took the dog for a walk?  (you get the idea on that one)

Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 3/8/2009 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Something NOT to say: just get over it, pull your self out of it and stop being so stupid,It's all in your head. As with everyone have a nice day is always nice to hear.


Dawn
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 3/8/2009 7:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I am always suggesting walking for people with depression. But walking is a good thing and it always makes me feel better. I think the worst thing that I have heard when depressed is somebody asking 'what is wrong with you now?'. I hated when my late husband would always ask me that. emphasis on the 'now'. I felt like I was nothing but a problem.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/8/2009 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Here are a few suggestions for you...............

What you can say that helps:

  • You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
  • You many not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
  • I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel but I care about you and want to help.
  • You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
  • Tell me what I can do now to help you.
  • I am here for you. We will get through this together.

What NOT to say:

  • It’s all in your head. Just snap out of it.
  • We all go through times like these. You’ll be fine.
  • Look on the bright side.
  • You have so much to live for.
  • I can’t do anything about your situation.
  • What’s wrong with you? Shouldn’t you be better by now? Adapted from the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I always am tired of people say "you are strong you will be ok". Well can they not understand I am tired of having to be strong. They have never suffered the losses and stresses I have. Even though everyone has something Do not Tell people they are strong. To my ears that translates to "suck it up and go on", Hey if I could do that I would not be here or on the meds.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I get the following from a family member every time we speak (which is rare, thank goodness): "Why are you so ungrateful for what you have? You could be ____________ (fill in the blank with "homeless", "alone and starving somewhere", "terminally ill", "still living with your ex-husband", etc.)." Of course I am GLAD I am not in those circumstances, but hearing statements like that makes me feel like this person is dismissing my sadness as some sort of little thing I like to indulge in, because I'm spoiled or selfish, as if I could just 'snap out of it'. It feels like a real slap in the face.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/16/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   

thisbites,

Wondering if you are still struggling with your b/f?

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/16/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I always hate it when someone says something along the lines of "well everyone has stress and feels bad, thats just life" That one is particularly bad because it erases hope of things getting better and says you are weaker than everyone else. Also it personally makes me feel like my depression is just a result of my own laziness or incompetence. Which I still actually feel might be true. Maybe everything that is making me sad or stressed I have brought upon myself due to my lack of will and self-control. Ugh.

thisbites
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your replies and thank you Kitt for asking about my boyfriend.  The answer to that I guess would be yes.  Since I have been sending him an occasinal text and initially e-mails for the last seven months I guess since it has been recommended by many that I stop - that the ball is in his court - I feel like I should send him a last text and tell him that I'm not going to bug him anymore but if he ever wants a sober person to do something with to just holler.  I don't know......what do you guys think?  I am finally to the point where maybe I am accepting that we are never to be?? I don't think he is better.  I really don't know what to do anymore - give up - wait - etc.
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