new to the site, not to depression...really could use some advice

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/9/2009 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
ok here goes, im in my late 20's and am reaching out here for some help. I am battling some serious depressive feelings inside me for a while. if i work to see clearly and look within myself I see someone who is funny, decent looking, down to earth, nice and helpful. in fact I love helping others but feel clueless at helping myself. however I rarely am able to look at myself clearly and often hate the person I see in the mirror and will come up with reasons why everyone is better off without me. more and more it is hard to control these.
as a result none of the relationships I have last. Sure maybe they weren't right. I don't feel I have a hard time mtg new people but once things get to a certain emotional level I just cant handle it and i totally change. "cant handle it" does not mean I break it off, instead I start arguments, I get jealous, then I get embarrassed of my actions so I come clean about some of my depressed feelings and then  I act more and more depressed/desperate and then when things break off I start to feel worthless and in a bad place. then because this person left me I feel like I don't matter and because they had already put up with so much crap from me that I tell myself how perfect they were and i'll never find someone like that again, ever....a pretty bleak outlook I feel.
I would admit that there are people who have had it 1000x worse and that makes me hate myself for going about in pity of myself while it could be worse....I can't shake these feelings. I pretty much sabotage my own relationships and am then all "surprised" when the woman wants to break it off. then I know I've done it again and I lost this person and its all my fault. i see many people say they will leave loved ones and others when they get this depressed because they want to go at it alone but i tend to feel like i need that person in my life even tho they've already seen how bad i'm hurting that they feel i need time for myself to ffgiure this out.  this has been a cycle for some time and the issues are more and more frequent and the dark feelings are worse each time. I don't know how to break this cycle.......I cant find a therapist I feel comfortable being honest with but I'm trying and I'm just carrying so much around inside me that I don't even know who I am anymore. im worried if I continue this behavior its going to lead me further down this dark path. im reaching out within the community that experiences the same emotions as I. im really hoping I can get some encouraging words to keep me focused on the end goal and get on a good path.....right now I don't have many people around me to do that (im embarrassed to tell anyone close to me)  and I'm throwing up the flag and asking for help here. thanks for listening and any replies are appreciated as i find myself in a lonely place today.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40404
   Posted 3/9/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Rock,

You are not alone anymore. You have us now.

This pattern is kind of normal for somebody who is depressed. Sabatoging your own happiness I mean. Sometimes we just don't feel that we deserve to be happy and sometimes we are just comfortable with turmoil in our lives. That can go back to childhood even. Do you see any patterns with that?

Though I do recommend counseling, you have come to a good place for feedback and advice. There are many wonderful people here that can help to lead the way for you. I hope that we can help you.

Have you tried talking to your doctor about any of this? The doctor can find you counseling and maybe put you on some medication that would help you. I really do think that counseling would help.

I am sorry for your lost relationships, but maybe they weren't meant to be anyway. And I am sorry that you see yourself in a negative way. Try to kick that to the curb. You are a wonderful person. So try not to obsess over yourself so much. Your inner beauty will come out. And I know that it is there somewhere. You sound very kind and compassionate and you sound like you have a grip on things, just trying to learn how to change them. That takes time and patience. So remember that.

I hope that your day gets better. Keep posting and we will try to help you sort things out.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18571
   Posted 3/10/2009 3:17 AM (GMT -6)   

hi adrock. i too have had similiar experiences with relationships. thanx for your honesty and bravery for seeking assistance. it is important that you have good supports around you. and that you feel comfortable telling people how you are really feeling. talking to the community is a great step forward. another good step is to talk with your g.p. as he or she may know you well enough to provide you with information that may seem simple but really helpful.

in terms of yourself, you are a human being, with experiences as we all have. you are you and i hope that you adrock find solace.

kindest of regards.


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/10/2009 10:03 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello adrock,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum.  I just wanted to stop in an welcome you to our wonderful community.  You will find the members here warm and caring and very knowledgable.

Please do stick with us and know we care.

Again a warm welcome.


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/11/2009 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   


I want to thank you so much for maping my exact life out to a T! I could not have said it better exactly how I feel about myself in regaurds to relationships, and while yes some have been bad, the one I still kick myself about is the one that got away because of my fear of comittment at the time. This was a 5 year, college sweetheart who was my world and my fear of commitment pushed me away from her. I think every day how different my life would have been if I would have known now what I failed to realize then, and I hate myself for it and I cannot look past it. If I could be with anyone in the world it would be her, and she knows it. I just cannot beleive that someone can feel the exact same way you do about your life as I do mine! I knew I came onto this site for a reason

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40404
   Posted 3/11/2009 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jrazz,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I think that a lot of things happen for a reason, and I am glad that you found yourself on this site.

There are many wonderful members here on healing well who are supportive and compassionate.

Best wishes to you, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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