so sad, should I start meds for this?

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firebabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 3/11/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi- I've always thought of myself as a strong person, but I've been severely depressend now for about 6 months.  Before that I was only midly depressed.  Mainly because in 2006 I lost a baby due to an ectopic and in 2007 I was diagnosed with Lupus, and my husband is now acting like a total a-hole about both of these things.  But, the last 6 months is due to a "friend" of mine ditching me and turning against me at work, when I was promoted.  She's made my life a living hell.  We were close and shared everything, talked about work, hung out alot-she was fun.  Now, I know that she's just extremely mean!  She's tried to turn everyone against me at work, and most days I don't leave without having shed tears because of the way she treats me or the cold shoulders that others have turned on me.  She's very abrasive!  We even sat with our 2 supervisors and talked about this one afternoon because it was getting out of hand.  I thought we had come to an understanding and we were going to be okay, but before we left the building she had made a comment to me about trying to talk to a girl and restate what I had to reprimand her for the day before (I'm new, it went horrible the first time and I just wanted to make that clear and apologize) but this friend thought I was just trying to make sure that the other girl was still my friend.   Not that it involved her in any way, but I knew that I was being talked about.  This girl at work is a bully, and every Wednesday when the other supervisors are gone, she tries to starts things with me.  I don't get it-I just pretend that I don't understand what she is trying to say to me, but I know her well enough to know that she's just trying to get me started.  Actually, I think she has alot of issues and needs to get a life. 
 
Anyways, between work getting me down and my husband getting me down, I've been so depressed.  I don't feel like there is a safe place for me to go anymore without people judging me for the wrong reasons.  I'm afraid to talk to my shrink about this too, but I really want to ask her if medicine would help me get over this.  Actually I know that putting this girl in her place would make me feel better, but that's not going to happen.  I'm doing my best to remain professional-and people see her for what she is-as ass kisser with a bad attitude, but she still somehow has this power over people to make them do what she wants them too.  Maybe they are afraid that she will turn on them, and nobody likes to be in this position. 
 
Sometimes I get so down about everything that I wish I was hospitalized-at least I would receive treatment everyday and I could maybe get away from the things that are hurting me so badly.  I want to just disappear and hope nobody found me-make people wonder what ever happened to me and start my life new some place else.  At least when people started to hurt me I could leave and eventually it would become easier to leave and start over.  I used to have such a positive attitude, and lately I'm so angry and sad.  I feel so alone.  Does medicine help this?
~Tammy~
 "Challenges make you discover things about yourself you never really knew."
 SLE and Class II Lupus Nephritis


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/11/2009 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Tammy,

It must be difficult that your husband isn't being supportive. Losing a baby is hard, maybe he just doesn't understand that. From what I understand men just don't understand that. But a husband should be there when it comes to illness, especially one that's chronic, and as serious as Lupus. I'm sure you could find the support you need in the forum here.

I'm sorry about the situation you're in at work. It sounds so childish how she's acting, and it's hard to get treatment like that after being friends with someone. Hopefully soon people will start to see her for what she is, and not play into her childishness.

Why don't you want to talk to your shrink about things? Wouldn't it help? Anyway, you can vent here, and we won't judge. Any of us here hate to see someone struggling. I think you should talk to your dr about meds. What would it hurt to talk about it? I think maybe they would help you deal better with the situations you are in. The feelings you described are ones I've felt before, and medicine has worked well for me. Sometimes you have to try a few meds to find one that works for you, but it is worth it.

Post again and let us know what you've decided!

\
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 3/11/2009 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Tammy: I am so sorry to hear about everything you are going through.  Going to work when you are not feeling well is hard enough, never mind having to deal with the issues that you described.

In just looking at your workplace issue, it sounds like this former friend of yours has a serious chip on her shoulder and is something that will just not go away.  I think asking about medications to help you deal with this issue could be good for you as it will give you the strength to feel better and face her directly.  Unfortunately, it sounds like you are going to have to use an entirely different approach with her.  I don't know if you have direct authority over her, but if you do follow all rules and policies exactly.  If she is disrespectful directly to you then start by issuing verbal warnings and of course document these in her personnel file.  She will of course be furious, but then again she already is and this will start the process of giving you the upper hand.  Additionally, if you have people under you and are working hard and being respectful and are seeing her get away from this behaviour, they will end up not respecting you as well.  Follow-through with her immediately always.  Perhaps enough hits in her personnel file will make her rethink her actions or make her decide to leave.

As far as your husband, I think Becky is right.  I don't think he truly understands the effect that the ectopic pregnancy had on you.  However, he should absolutely be supportive of you not feeling well.  I hope you keep talking with your counselor and of course posting here.  It sounds like you truly need the extra support right now!

Take care,

Cass


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 3/11/2009 7:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tammy,

I am so sorry for what you are going through at work. But what I always figure is what comes around goes around and she will get hers one way or another. People like her is why I like my dogs so much.

I think you should be totally honest with your doctor so that they can help you with medications or whatever you need. But you definately need the support right now. And I am also sorry that your husband doesn't understand what you have been going through. But we here do and we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/12/2009 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Tammy,

I am sorry you are going through a tough time...........I learned very quickly if you are in a supervisor position, you cannot be best friends with the people who work for you, it just does not work.

They want favoritism, and you will not be able to oblige them.  They get angry at you as now you are their boss and not a peer anymore................if this is to hard to deal with are your willing to step out of the supervisor position to regain friendships or will you be able to draw the line between being your friends boss and still maintaining a friendship outside of work?

IMHO I would really like to see you talk to your "shrink" as that is why you have one, talk through your problems and recieve advice, remember you may not like what your therapist recommends but at least talk about it. You are the one in the drivers seat here. :-)

I am sorry your hubby is not more supportive and also for the loss of your baby.  That is truly a traumatic loss and you are allowed to grieve in your own way.

Many gentle hugs to you and please stick with us.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Blank Name
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/12/2009 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Just a thought but are you on any meds for the Lupus,has your meds changed latley,maybe depression is side effect.Talk to your doc about your problems that's what they are there for.Don't let co-worker get to you and don't stoop to her level and you will come out ahead.

firebabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for everyone's replies. I talked to my shrink yesterday and we have a plan. She says it really sounds like I'm really getting bullied at work. We have a positive plan to put this to an end. I am very excited about this. We also decided that in a few weeks if I am not feeling any better we would consider some meds.

I am on meds for my Lupus-and lately I've been upset that I was put on more. We were tapering my meds and then I had a terrible relapse-I wasn't expecting that at all. It hurts. It could be a combination of my meds and just all the stress that I'm under that is causing this depression.

Pretty much-part of my plan with my shrink is that I will fake it until I make it. I have to keep smiling, laugh a lot a work, and never ever let this girl get me down. I'm going to use cheerful sarcasm and agree with everything that girl says to me-because it won't be fun for her anymore. Also, I'm documenting what's going on for her permanent file and my supervisor's are watching more and know what's going on. That's the plan anyways. I can't wait until I can surprise her with a response that doesn't include my voice fading out and me stuttering because I don't know what to say to someone who talks so harshly to me.
~Tammy~
 "Challenges make you discover things about yourself you never really knew."
 SLE and Class II Lupus Nephritis


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Firebabe if you want to get better then you need to be upfront with your counselor she can not help you if you wont let her and if you do not want her help why are you going?I am not a DR. but I can tell you that medication has helped me.So why don't you give it a try.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/15/2009 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand your plan and agree fully. Never let `em see you sweat. Kill her with kindness all the while watching for the opportunity to remove this stressor from your life. Lupus flourishes under stress as I`m sure you are well aware. Always remember to call on your support team when you need to vent and I`m glad you are going to try no meds first. Do Tai Chi or Yoga for relaxation or ocean sounds or whatever helps you relax and let go of it for awhile.

firebabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 3/16/2009 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not so sure that I want to push the meds issue anymore. I read this last weekend that if you are certain meds for depression its much harder to get life, health and even car insurance. Right now we have been working with a company since November to get better life insurance coverage on me, but because of my Lupus its been a bad experience and will cost alot! I'm really just hoping that this bully will find a new hobby once she sees that I'm not going to allow her to treat me this way anymore-or maybe they'll can her when I turn in my documentation of what's been going on. I can always hope for that.
~Tammy~
 "Challenges make you discover things about yourself you never really knew."
 SLE and Class II Lupus Nephritis


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I can tell you from experience the meds will become an issue with insurance. My MD at the time he started me on Cymbalta told me he was not going to put depression on my records because of that but guess what when I changed docs and got my records to transfer that was in bod letters DEPRESSION. After my husband dies(we had insurance at his company, I am self-employed) I can barely get a company to write me any kind of policy I can afford. I now only have coverage for major things. Am coming off the Cymbalta because of expense. Will just have to power through it and I will. I know you can too.
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