Why are people so mean?

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Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/13/2009 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
So yesterday was absolute he** for me at work. I've been dealing with increasing depression, anxiety, and panic attacks lately, as well as waking up either in the middle of the night, or in the morning throwing up (a side effect of the crohn's-dr's are working to help alleviate this) This being said, I have missed multiple days at work lately.

Yesterday I showed up to work, and all but one of my coworkers ignored me. They ignored me the entire day. They made plans for lunch, talked about their days, their kids, etc.
Needless to say, I was very hurt. I took clonazepam all day just to keep me from crying. I didn't want them to see me break down from their actions. I don't know if they think I'm doing this on purpose...staying home having parties or something, but it's absurd. I have a legitimate reason to be home sick. People cannot work and throw up at the same time, and I'm exhausted after getting sick like that also.

Today I woke up, and the thought of facing them again made me ill. I cried, and eventually got sick. So I'm home, trying to relax.

I've spoken with my supervisor about this, and I'm thinking of taking a week off to relax, try to get the depression and anxiety under control, as well as my stomach. As of now, I'm waiting to hear back from her. When I called her, she couldn't speak freely, so she needed to call me back.

I appreciate all of you listening and caring. Cass and Alienwife, you are so caring, and I needed to vent about it!

Do you think it would help to take a week off? Go see a psychiatrist and talk. Maybe talk to my PCP about a change in meds. Destress and help my belly hopefully.
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 3/13/2009 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Becky,

I think that if your boss says that it is okay, it would do you good to take a week off. I would talk to your pdoc in the meantime though and see what you could come up with to help you.

I know that people can be so selfish and cold at times and it does hurt. But I always did figure, when they're being mean to me, they are leaving somebody else alone. But that is my way of thinking. I guess I just don't care if people ignore me, because sometimes I don't want to talk to them anyway. But it does feel bad to be left out. Sometimes it is not intentional, and you just have to step up to the plate to be included, often they feel they are including you when it doesn't feel like it to you. So you might just have to put on your smiley face and go with it. Or if it is somebody close to you, let them know that they are hurting your feelings. I imagine it all depends on the situation.

But remember that you can always come here for support and we will always be here for you. Take care my friend, and I hope that you have a good day.

Hugs to you Becky,
Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/13/2009 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen for your response.

I spoke with my supervisor, and have planned to have off from Tuesday to Friday next week. Monday I'll be working in a different department, so I won't have the stress I had on Thursday. With the time off, I can get the test done my GI ordered, and also talk to my dr about the meds I'm on currently, which do not seem to be working well. It's also supposed to be in the mid 60's all week, so I as an added bonus I can enjoy some sun! Maybe I'll get out and take the dog for walks!

I appreciate your support and kindness!

((((big hugs))))) :-)
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/13/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Good on you bar77. Only you really know what is happening to your body. You have listened to your inner self and are taking a very proactive approach. much loving healing to you.

take care.

jamiee :-)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 3/13/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Becky,

I hope that your tests and dr appointment go well for you. And I hope that you enjoy the rest of the week. Keep us posted and let us know. I love your positive attitude. I am looking forward to this up coming sun also. I need to get out and walk my dogs too. The roads are still icy though. But I would do anything to get back in the woods.

Have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 3/14/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Becky.  I am so so sorry.  I did not see your posting until now.  I think you have made a very wise decision being honest with your boss and then asking for some time off.  I have had so many thoughts after reading your post so I'm just going to respond to them in the unorganized order that they are coming out of my head.

First, I have found from experience that even though you spend more time with your co-workers than you probably do with your own family, they are not to be trusted like your family or a true friend outside of work.  My therapist once described co-worker friends to me as "situational" friends.  As long as a situation is good they are good.  However, when a situation changes and has some effect on them, they will change to reflect that situation.  For the most part, people from work are unfortunately usually interested in themselves first and foremost.  Second, if they are being mean or avoiding you with another co-worker, realize that they would turn against that co-worker in a second too, if it was to their own advantage.

Second, I know it is hard to be in an environment where you are the victim of this.  But right now you have other much more important things to deal with....so pack this issue aside in another suitcase to deal with later.

Third, I think time off is a wonderful idea.  From a bosses viewpoint, you are not being irresponsible by calling in sick over and over again.  You are assuming responsibility by admitting you have a health problem and you want to take care of it and get yourself better again so you can go back to work.  Moreover, if you are taking vacation time for this (and I'm not sure if you are) that shows more initiative that you are not just trying to take advantage of the system like so many others do.

Fourth, with this time off you can take yourself out of the fire, so to speak, and concentrate on the most important thing: YOUR HEALTH!  Go get whatever tests you need, make any and all doctors appointments that you need.  Nip this in the bud so that you can finally feel better.  And by taking this time you will be bringing your stress level down.  And that alone, will bring some relief to your symptoms.

Last, as to why people can be and are so mean?  That's a fair and sad question.  My guess is they have either bitterness, unhappiness or boredom in their own lives and unfortunately do not have anything better to do.  They are bullies who have never learned how to grow up.  And if they have children, I feel bad for those kids because look what "values" their parents are probably instilling in them........

Just take this valuable time and spend it taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally.  And if you need some help post again (I promise to look regularly) and I'll be here.

Cass


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 3/14/2009 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Becky, I have not posted or answered a post in at least a month.  I read your post and am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.  First of course is your health.  It is good you are taking time off to see your dr. and try to get your problems solved.  As far as your co-workers if you have been moved to a different department then maybe you will have a better experience with new co-workers.  I lost my job and have not been working for over a year, can't find a new one either. But that isn't my point.  I have over 25 yrs of work experience and have dealt with all kinds of people - co-workers and clients and people you have to call.  I learned the hard way never to trust co-workers. You never know when they will turn on you.  And don't get too close to anyone. Tell them as little about yourself as possible.  Keep a happy pleasant face, smile and be nice to everyone but don't make them your friend.  I was a top manager at a company for 18 yrs.  I made friends with a girl and we had a lot in common and talked a lot at work and on the phone. I went on vacation and when I came back my things were all packed in a box, my computer was disconnected and my boss told me I was let go and was to leave the office immediately.  No explanation.  Turns out the girl I thought was my friend was saying bad things about me that I wasn't doing my work and was always coming in late. All untrue but this girl became very chummy with my boss.  I was never given a chance to respond back.  I try to be as nice to all people I have to deal with everywhere, grocery, pharmacy, you name it. I know many will think this is unfair but the majority of people I  have to deal with are indifferent or rude.  I think it is just the way of life right now as people are so stressed out over the economy.  They seem to take their own problems out on strangers. Just be yourself, be friendly at work and only count on the people who are your true friends outside of a work environment and of course your family. I think you will feel less stress if you learn work is work and the rest of your life is separate from it. I know I am sounding negative but I have experienced a lot in life and these are the things I have found to be true.  Take good care of yourself and I hope all goes well with the dr. and your new department job.

Hugs,

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/14/2009 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Becky,

I do not know why people are so mean but it does make for a hostile enviornment to try to work with people who make you so sad.

I am glad you are taking the week off and seeing your Doctor.  I am with you 100% of the way.  You fight this depression and  know we are always here for you.

Bless you,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
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