Concerned for my friend

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maddyrules
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/17/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone
I'm hoping to get some feedback and suggestions here. A friend of mine has been on Wellbutrin (spelling?) for I don't even know how long. A year ago she was dx with a rare lymphoma, stage one thank goodness. She had chemo and has to have maintenance chemo every six months. Since the dx, she is fixated on "the chemo killed everything". That means she doesn't have to have a mammo or gyn or anything because anything that would have been there....the chemo killed. But the truth is that she doesn't take care of herself anyway. Hasn't had an exam in about 8 years. She stopped (on her own) her Wellbutrin months ago and then stopped her reflux med. Was complaining about having heartburn and having to take Tums. I suggested her going back on the med. "NO NO NO, I'm taking to much medicine". All that medicine is what makes you sick and gives you cancer according to her. OMG!!
 
She has no energy at all. She gets to work late every day and the 30 ft walk from the building to her car makes her winded. She sleeps most of the weekend away. Has no energy to do much of anything. On saturday she went around the yard to pick up dog doodoo and "had" to sleep most of the next day because "that" exhausted her. I asked if going back on the wellbutrin would help with her energy. "NO NO NO". She also has herself convinced (weeks in advanced sometimes) that she will "be in the bathroom" all night when at a get together.
I really think as far as that, that she makes herself have the Poo's. I mean this is a woman that will open a can a refried beans and it the whole can for dinner. EWWWWW  Yet, eating normal food with friends gives her the poo's. I just don't get it.
 
In addition to all that, she is irritable and edgy. But she does manage to laugh and enjoy herself when a group of us are together. I
 
I'm concerned because I care about her, but nothing seems to get through. She immediately goes on the defensive or has a horrible excuse when you suggest help. I'm ready to throw in the towel and just say that she's a big girl and has to make her own decisions. She'll have to live with it.
 
I guess what really bugs is I can't understand how and why anyone would want to feel like crap everyday of their life.
 
Sorry this post was so long. Thank you for listening.
Teresa

JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/17/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know really what to tell you about this, it sounds like you are doing your best to help her and she is being complete irrationally. Perhaps she need to see someone about her mental state as well as her physical. At any rate we are here for you and will help you in anyway we can.

Good Luck, you're doing the right thing looking out for your friend!

maddyrules
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/17/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   

First, thank you for the kind words. The issue is that she is only dealing with her Oncologist. She doesn't even see a PCP. She just goes to Patient First if she gets ill. And that is only when her boss sends her home. The last two times she had bronchitis and starting phenomea (spelling?). She had told me four days prior that she would go to the doc, but she didn't until she was so ill and then of course had to miss a few days of work. All because she won't take care of herself.

I've talked to several friends about this. All of whom know my friend. We are starting to wonder if there is a mental health issue there (as you suggested) and or that she just likes the attention.

It's just so bothersome to me, but I do appreciate your words. She starts her maintenance chemo next month. Four treatments in four weeks. These treatments don't make her ill, only tired. She is exhausted now. How is she going to function after chemo??? :(

Teresa


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/17/2009 12:34 PM (GMT -7)   
First it is not the food or amount that gives her the poos. It is the anxiety and depression. Nobody wants to feel like crap all the time. I am nowhere near as bad as your friend sounds but I spent most of the day yesterday standing in the middle of the floor knowing I needed to do something but just could not make myself. Please don`t give up on her she needs you. A friend suggested this forum to me so maybe you could suggest it to her. It has really helped me tremendously to have someone who truly understands this thing. It is real! I have always been a happy person even through the bad times til they piled up to a point I needed meds. My friend found this forum trying to understand how I`m feeling trying to come off Cymbalta. I took Wellbutrin after the death of my first husband and sounds like she needs something besides it. It is very mild. I came off it very easily and it sounds like this is just what she is like without depression meds. She has been through a lot. Cancer is scarey. So is the thoughts of more of it and that could be why she doesn`t want to see the docs. Please try to stay encouraging for her I know it has to be hard since she sounds very diffficult to deal with but I feel like she is afraid. Good luck and best wishes and if no one else has told you. Thanks for caring so much for your friend.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/17/2009 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   

maddyrules

Your friend has been through a lot and I understand her fears as I have watched my sister go through 6 months of chemo and major surgery.

It is no fun taking meds and feeling sick all the time.  As there are so many side effects from all the med she may just want to try going without meds.   All you can do is support her and when she feels she is ready she will agree to go back on the meds.

You are a good friend for caring about her but just being there is sometimes the best we can do.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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maddyrules
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/17/2009 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Jezzie51

I know noone wants to feel like crap. And I have been down the road of depression. After a few months of not feeling "right", I realized it couldn't be everyone else. :) I was on Zoloft for nine months. And I am grateful for that treatment. That was two years ago.

I'm sorry that you're not feeling well and I really do hope you'll take the necessary steps to help yourself. You are worth it! :) I know how crappy depression feels and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And you're right about my friend and the cancer aspect. She has never really addressed it. And believe me we had a heck of a time convincing her to let us help her during the initial chemo. OMG is she bull headed.

I will stand by her because she is a dear friend to me. I just want her well so perhaps my ranting here is part selfishness. I just want the best for her.

Please take good care. Hope you are having a good day today. :)

Teresa

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 3/17/2009 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

I don't think that you are being selfish, you are just a concerned friend. It is hard to watch somebody when they aren't taking care of themselves. We want to fix them, but we can't.

As other's have said, be there for her and hopefully she will start seeing a doctor as she needs to.

Keep up the good work. You are truly a good friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/17/2009 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa, That is part of why we are all here is to vent to ones who understand whether personally or a loved one. I admire your courage for I know the tough ones that do for me what do for her have a hard time at it sometimes. I can be rather bullheaded myself. I am at present doing much better having found this forum as I have so much crap and need someone to vent to who knows or would care who the people I mention are. I live in a small town and have a lot of drama going on with step kids loss of my 2nd husband to cancer mom`s cancer is back(breast) run my own business am stressed to the max and trying to come off Cymbalta. Am managing with all so feel very fortunate. Just sometimes like yesterday it is all just so overwhelming I truly don`t where to turn. I manage to bathe and dress thinking I am going out but never make it. It is hard and all I`m trying to help you to understand some of the thoughts she might have. Just keep being the friend she needs. Am so glad your battle was short and easily won. I had a similar episode with Welbutrin when my 1st husband died. Came off it after just a few months with no side effects. This Cymbalta has and is a battle to come off.

maddyrules
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/18/2009 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all very much for your thoughts and for taking the time to reply. I really do appreciate hearing from each of you.

It's wednesday morning and I'm heading to the break room for a cup of coffee. I hope each of you has a wonderful weekend. :) It's starting to warm up here in MD. :)

Take care.
Teresa
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