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lost1987
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/18/2009 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   
hi,

I think I started visiting these boards around 2005 or 2006. However, everytime that I was decided to post something I wouldn't. A lot of things have happened in my life. But I think that in 2003, after some painful event, I started to get depressed. I was about to be a junior in HS. Even though I had two very good years in HS, the last two were a nightmare. I was a straight "A" student, and well everything fell apart. I stopped hanging out with my friends and I became totally anti-social. I finished HS and did not attend to my graduation. I don't regret doing that, but I just say it, to show you how alone I was, that going to my graduation would have done me no good.

I started college in 2005 and I did terrible, because my professors dropped me for an excess in absences. I wasn't having fun or not studying, in fact, I got very good grades in those first tests. But I got depressed, because I wasn't socializing in my classes and well, it was very weird going to class and not being able to socialize with anyone. The same thing happened in the next semester and the next one too and for a couple more. I was only advancing in math classes, because I'm only good in that subject.

I don't know how to get out of this state. I know people see me as a stuck up person, but I know I am not. I'm a very insecure person and I don't know how to get any confidence. I'm scared of looking at people in eye.

Sometimes, I think of going back to my country, but I have nothing there. Even though I was really poor, I was happy. But I know that it won't be the same, so going back will make no difference. I do think of taking my life sometimes, but I don't have a gun. If I had one I know I would not hesitate to do something very stupid, since I think it wouldn't hurt.

I'm sorry I can't organize my thoughts anymore...no one has to answer. I feel good now for about writing a little of what is giving me sadness.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 3/19/2009 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   
dear lost1987.
 
hi am jamiee, 37 male. welcome back.
 
please remember that you are worthwhile, i too have been there at uni. i became psychotic as a mature age student, dropped units, dropped lectures and after a year and a half i dropped uni. 8 yrs later i am on the bike studying again. i just wanted to say that recognising your insecurities and knowing that your not a stuck up is highly important. your bravery in posting your situation shows that you are a good person who needs some t.l.c. your doc would be an important contact also. you have showed in this post that you are indeed insightful, yeah life can suck, but it does not have to be that way all the time. keep posting. we care.
 
blessings.
 
jamiee. endogenous depression, iddm, severe borderline personality disorder, diabetic nuropathy, hormone deficiency and other bits and pecies!!

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/19/2009 2:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Lost,

I too have been assumed to be stuck-up, though the real thing was I was insecure and shy, and didn't like talking to people I didn't know. It's hard for people to understand that, because they see you not talking to people and just assume.

It takes a lot of courage to come here and admit that you don't know how to handle things. Life can be confusing and difficult on it's own, and with painful events added to that, sometimes we just don't know how to get out of the situation we're in. I notice that you haven't mentioned therapy, or doctors. Have you turned to your doctor and let them know that you're having a hard time? Maybe this would help.

Please keep posting, and let us know how you're doing. We're here to help, and listen.
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


Jezzie51
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/19/2009 3:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Lost, Joining this forum and posting would be a great help. Everyone is so supportive and understanding.You have made the first step. Keep posting you will be surprised how much better it will make you feel. This is now my daily dose of anti-depression medication. Have you talked to any professional?At this point do not think a geographical change would be the answer. Get help whatever it takes. We will be here for you!

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/19/2009 4:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lost,

I'm so glad you decided to post here. I know university can be a tough environment when you are depressed, with the academic and social pressures it brings. I'm sorry you have been struggling and in pain. Please continue to come back and talk to us....this is a great place to come when you are feeling sad and hopeless. The people here really do care.

lost1987
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/19/2009 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
hello everyone,

Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate them and will take them with all my heart, since they're needed very much. I have never been to the doctor since I got to the US in 2000. I've never been too physically ill to go see anyone. I guess I have good genes in that department. I would like to go and see a Therapist. I've searched in my area with the help of therapists.psychologytoday but they are very expensive for a session. So I always dismiss them. I try to analyze myself to see if I can find the root of what is making me feel this way. I've read about other people's problems and somehow they're able to cope with their problems and get strenght from out of nowhere. I wish I could be that way. Nonetheless, I will continue to hang around these boards. You guys are great.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 3/19/2009 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lost,

Have you checked into any programs for people without insurance. Often the local mental health department will have cheaper sessions for people without insurance. So that might be something to look into. Also there is an online sight that can be of help and it is free.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome 

I hear that this is a good site and that a lot of people have gotten help from it.

I hope that you start to feel better soon. I know that depression is absolutely no fun at all.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/19/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello lost,

I am glad you came and talked with us........joining us was a great idea and perhaps once you look into the CBT online that Karen posted and work through the program you will gain more self confidence.

Here are some ways to try to become more social:

Use feeling-talk. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral terms, You say "I like this soup" or "I love your blouse" rather than "This soup is good," You can use the phrase "I feel" or "I think" when it is appropriate,

Talk about yourself If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it, you don't monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.

Make greeting-talk. You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them, you say,” Well, Hello! How good to see you again" rather than softly mumbling "H'lo" or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.

Accept compliments. You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt, too") rather than disagreeing with them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.

Use appropriate facial talk. Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

Disagree mildly. When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or changing the topic of conversation.

Ask for clarification. If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"

Ask why. When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you want me to do that?"

Express active disagreement. When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is. . ." or "I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors. . ."

Speak up for your rights. You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next in line," or "Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now," or "Please turn down your radio," or "You're half an hour late for our appointment." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.

Be persistent. If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.

Avoid justifying every opinion. In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I feel. Those are my values. I don't have to justify everything I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying why you're disagreeing with me so much."

These are just tips for dealing with other people in a social world.  I hope you may find one or two of these techniques beneficial.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 3/19/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   

excellent info kitt. jamiee

 


lost1987
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/19/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Kitt and Karen for getting involved in my thread. I will medidate about the information that you have given me and put it to work as soon as possible.

:)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 3/20/2009 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Lost,

You sound better today, that is good. I hope that you are having a good day with many more to follow.

Take care my friend,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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