Always have been able to give good answers to others, now I need help

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 3/22/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I am feeling very sad and lonely right now.  For those who don't know, there were 2 accidents in my family and I am having trouble gettng beyond my thoughts.  First, I had a bad fall on my brick walkway and had 20 stitches in my face, badly bruised and my knee still hurts a lot. That was a month ago.  My scar is healing very well so may not be too noticeable next Oct when my son gets married.  My other son had a very bad car accident about 2 weeks ago.  He was driving to work and hit a patch of black ice , slid and the car rolled over 5 times, landing just before a swamp. Thank God he did not go in the water.  When the EMTs put him in the ambulance one of them said "God was with you today."  When I think of that it just makes me cry.  It could have been so different and I am having trouble not dwelling on this.  My son is OK. He was wearing his seat belt which saved him and he did not break anything, just bruised and aching and whip lash.  His PCP checked him over the next day and he was doing OK.  They took x-rays from top to bottom and ct scans so nothing was wrong.  His dr. told him it would be best for him to get back to work and driving as soon as possible.  So after 2 days I was driving him to work and then the insurance provided a rental car.  He is on Spring break and drove the rental car all the way to Mich to visit his grandparents so I guess he has no fear of driving.  I have always had a terrible fear of driving which my mother instilled in me in my teens so I rarely drive out of my zip code. I can't drive on the highway or very wide heavily travelled streets so I am limited in where I can go.  I have missed many things as I coudn't drive there.  I did post about this right after the accident and am sorry for repeating, but I just can't get beyond all of this.  The last week has been so hard on me dealing with the insurance adjusters, having to tell over and over what did and didn't happen.  I need support from any of you, just a few words of kindness. I don't want to fall back into depression as I have almost fully recovered from that and am on the lowest dose of my med. I still see a therapist and she is wonderful.  I just can't be by myself without having these awful feelings.  Please reply if you can.
 
Aurora

Raniah
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

(((hugs))) I am sorry you are feeling so low. It's really frightening when things happen that make us think of the fragility of life and all the 'what ifs' that go along with it. I am very thankful to know that your son is alright after his accident, and especially that he has immediately started driving again, as the fear that he might have had around that issue could have seriously impacted his ability to move forward with his life. I do understand what you mean about the anxiety you have about driving.....I went through the same thing, and I felt crippled by it. It got so bad that even going to the grocery store on a busy traffic day was terrifying for me. What helped me the most was to finally call a driving school and hire an instructor for a series of lessons. I felt weird about it at the time, because I'd had my license for many years (!!), but I knew I was holding myself back, and I was desperate to change my situation. I told them that I had been driving in small doses for a number of years, but needed a 'refresher course' and someone to help me get accustomed to the more tense situations like heavy traffic areas and driving on busy highways, etc.. They were very understanding, and told me I was not the only one they had helped with that (I was surprised, but relieved!). I'll admit, I was very nervous the first few times, but I kept at it, and it helped me to feel more confident and more at ease. I won't say that I truly love driving in those situations, but at least I feel like I am capable now when I have to do it. There are times when I have to drive for a couple of hours at a time for work, so I can tell you, I've really come a long way. I don't know if that's something you will consider....just wanted to share something that worked for me.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/22/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

Perhaps you are going through a bit of PTSD in relation to the accident.  You are flashing back to and thinking about the accident and the "What ifs".  This could be causing you distress and IMHO would be normal after a close encounter.
 
When you have PTSD, it can seem like you’ll never get over what happened or feel normal again.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a disorder that can develop following a traumatic event that threatens your safety or makes you feel helpless.
 
After a traumatic experience, the mind and the body are in shock. But as you make sense of what happened and process your emotions, you come out of it. With post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), however, you remain in psychological shock. Your memory of what happened and your feelings about it are disconnected. In order to move on, it’s important to face and feel your memories and emotions. If you can do this then you can move on and hopefully your depression will lift.
 
I hope this helps you and I am here to support you.
 
Gentle Hugs and remember these are just my own thoughts.  :)
 
Kitt
 
 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 3/22/2009 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks so much for your replies Raniah and Kitt.  I may have some PTSD and I am seeing my therapist soon so we will try to work through this.  Isn't is strange though that my son seems to be doing OK especially since he just drove 275 miles and in a rental car.  I think if I work at it and use my relaxation techniques and keep up with my therapist I will get better.  Because the truth is I am not really depressed so much as just stressed out from everything.  And Raniah, your suggestion is a good one about the driving.  I once worked with a CBT therapist and what we did for the therapy was drive for the hour with me driving on busy streets and the highway.  So I will see what I can do.  Maybe just driving around with a friend in the car will help as money is very tight and I have to worry about my expenses.  I appreciate your very thoughful answers.

Hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 3/22/2009 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I am not very good at driving in heavy traffic, but I find when I try that I go with the flow of it. There is just something that helps you to flow along with the pace. I am glad that your son is okay and that he didn't get afraid to drive. I know when I haven't driven for a long time that I am nervous about it. But it is kind of like riding a bike, once you have learned the feel of it, you never really forget how. So I think your idea of having a friend ride with you is a good one. I am sure you will do better than you think you are going to.

I hope that you get to feeling better soon.

Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, you sound more positive already, and I'm so glad. Keep hanging in there! I'm glad you can see your therapist soon (I am seeing mine tomorrow, and those days are like pure gold to me). Great idea about taking a friend in the car with you! I know this WILL get better for you. :-)
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