Just checking in, need support and to feel a connection.

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JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/22/2009 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around much. Things have just been crazy. I've been super busy at work and with school. I feel bad about not being here to answer all of your posts. I will try to do better this week.

Lately I've felt really sad and just out of it. Nothing seems to make me happy and I've just been wrapped up in trying not to let things at school and work crush me, but honestly I feel like i'm failing and i'm just empty.

I don't really know what to say. I just feel lost and like there is not happiness in my life right now. Everything bores or aggravates me.

Anyways I miss speaking with all of you, especially Raniah, I'm sorry I haven't been around. How are you babe?

Hope you all are dealing with your individual issues well.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   


Hi Dan,

I’m really glad you checked in.  I was worried when I didn’t hear from you again on your Serious Panic thread…..I had a feeling you must be struggling, and didn’t know quite what to do to help.  I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling sad and depressed.  I know how it is to feel that life holds no joy…….and it’s tough to keep moving forward despite those feelings.  At the risk of repeating myself here, is it helping at all to break things down into smaller, more manageable steps?  How are things going with those classes?  Last time we talked, you had just had a problem with your lost files…..you said something about it being too late, even though you found a way to recover your work.  I hope your professors were understanding about that!

I don’t mean to be redundant here, but have you thought about talking to a counselor about your struggles?  Is there a resource at school where you could get a confidential sounding board?  When I was doing my undergrad, I went to the student counseling centre in my final year and was able to speak with someone about my concerns.  It’s a tough year, trying to get ready to move forward after graduation and all.  I will stress to you, right now, that you don’t have to have all the answers right away.  You probably know this already, but lots of folks end up doing things that are quite far removed from their field of study in school.  I don’t know how much of ‘the plan for the future’ is part of your sense of overwhelm right now, but trust me…..you WILL have the time and the opportunity to test your wings in different ways. 

In the meantime, are there certain things about school and work – specific issues – that are weighing on you?  I want so much to understand and help, if there is anything I can do.

(Incidentally, thanks for calling me 'babe'.....at my age, I don't hear it that often!)  :-)


JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/22/2009 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Raniah, you are so my babe, you're so amazing and supportive. I knew I could count on hearing from you soon. I'm glad it made you feel good, no matter what your age you should always feel special and attractive. Just knowing your personality you are definitely a hottie to me.

Let me try to address your post in small manageable steps (I'm trying to take your advice I promise!)

As so far as my loss of files it actually worked out alright, the class I was particularly worried about it seems the several of the students were having problems so the professor allowed us more time to turn in the assignment, so that was a relief. Thanks for being there for me in those moments of stress!

Concerning talking to a counselor, you are probably right I should, but I haven't built up the courage to do so. Maybe its just my crabby mood but I really don't really want to see a counselor right now, it doesn't seem like it would help.

Thanks for the advice about moving on after graduation, it is one of the major things that has been stressing me out and depressing me lately. I know that it will all work out OK, but it looks like I am going to have to move back home (at least for a little while) and that regression really worries me and it will not be pleasant living with my parents again.

Specific issues that are worrying me include my lack of motivation with school work (I have so much to do, including a big paper that I have to finish tonight along with a test to study for), financial stress (I am super poor, looking to sell my books online to make money), job search stress (trying to find time to send out resumes and actually write good, convincing cover letters), and stress at work (trying to impress my supervisors and hopefully create opportunities for myself, as well as dealing with "constructive criticism).

I planned to stay in this weekend, relax and get some work done but it didn't work out that way at all. Friday I took off to relax and go to bed early but I still managed to sleep until 2 o'clock on Saturday. After that I was not motivated to do any work and went to a party where I got FAR too drunk trying to relax and have fun. Right now I am going to a study session and to work on my paper so hopefully that will relieve some stress.

I just don't know how to go about turning my emotional state in the right direction while dealing with all these responsibilities.

Hope to hear from you soon, how are things with you?

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   


Hey, I can understand about the moving back home thing……I had to do the same after I’d been out on my own for seven years.   I was between jobs at the time, and although I’ll admit it wasn’t easy, it WAS temporary!  And it will be for you, too.  Try to remember that….it’ll make it more bearable.  In the meantime, try not to think about it ahead of time if at all possible.  One day at a time, and each thing as it comes!

Okay, the motivation dilemma.  When I have a lot of work to tackle, and it’s the last thing I want to do, here’s the game I play to break it down: it may sound silly, but I use the ol’ egg timer method.  I set a timer for a certain amount of time (if I’m in dire straits, I might make it 15-20 mins to start) and I make an agreement with myself that I will work on whatever the project is until the timer goes off, and then I am allowed to take a break.  I often surprise myself into doing more than the prescribed 15-20 mins, as it’s often the case that getting started is the toughest part.  Knowing that I’m only committed to a short period of time seems to make it less overwhelming.  Keep going, if you can, for as many timer periods as you’re able.  Let’s face it, even 20 minutes of something is MUCH better than nothing!  You’ll be surprised, I think, how much better you will feel just getting a start on something.

I don’t know if you will recall, but Megan (in her reply to you on the Serious Panic thread) asked if maybe you could put off the job search until you get in a better place with school assignments.  Is this a possibility?

I’m not sure what kind of job you have now, but handling constructive criticism can be a challenge for all of us.  Can you give an example of what you’re dealing with in that regard?

Sorry the weekend didn’t turn out as planned/hoped, but I’m glad you’re going to a study session.  Excellent plan!  Let me know how that goes.

I don’t feel like the best one to give you advice on the financial dilemma, but maybe someone else will have some suggestions!

Things aren’t too great for me right now, as I just got back from an out of town visit to my brother’s place.  To put it in a nutshell, he has the same out of control temper that our father had while we were growing up, and when I saw him unleashing it on his kids today, I took him aside and told him I thought he was overreacting, and to please not scream at the kids.  Well, you can imagine how that went!  I was cursed out and thrown out of his home.  Another delightful, Waltons-esque moment in the Raniah family. sad

I’ll pray for both of us to be able to cope this evening.  I hope your studying goes well and makes you feel less anxious about your test.  Keep me posted. 


JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/22/2009 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear about the incident with your brother. You did nothing wrong and I am shocked he wasn't more accepting of your calm advice since most men (I know I do) fear inheriting the negative traits they saw in their fathers.

I am having a really rough night tonight. I just feel really sad and I want to just go back to bed, but I have to do a 5-6 page paper. I'll be on the computer all night so I would appreciate your continued advice and companionship.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/22/2009 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Journal Dan,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down and please do take Riniah's advice about a counselor.

about the word babe, I am glad it makes Riniah feel young again but to me it would feel like I was called me a wench or a chickie.......... but then I am a biker lady..............lol.

I could not resist giving you a bit of teasing there.............Laughter is good medicine so please do try to find things you enjoy doing. Watch a silly movie, do something like a kid again.........go skate boarding.  Get some ice cream, anything that will help lift you spirits.

Take care

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
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Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   

LOL, Kitt!!!  You're right....it's all in the interpretation!  tongue

Dan, thanks for the support on the brother issue.  Unfortunately, some behaviours become a family legacy, and this is no exception.  He grew up thinking it was okay to dish it out, and I grew up thinking it was okay to take it.  (Needless to say I have worked on this quite heavily in therapy since my divorce).  We are both victims of our childhood, in different ways.  I am only hoping that he will give some thought to this after he calms down.  Ideally, he needs to get some help (something along the lines of anger management, for starters).

Not to distract you for too long, but what's your paper about?  Did the study session go alright?  I can tell you are suffering, my friend, and I'm so sorry.....but please, please don't give up.  I can't promise to hang out with you all night (I woke up at 4 am today!) but I'll check back and see how it's going.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!

 

 


JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/22/2009 5:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I am really worried. I have been sitting here trying to work for hours but I can't bring myself to do it. I just want to sleep and cry.

I don't know what to do. This is the worst I've been in years.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/22/2009 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   

DAN!

 

DON’T GIVE UP!!!!!

 

What is your paper about?  Do you want to talk about it?  You can email me if you wish – my address is listed in my profile.


JournalDan
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/22/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Raniah. I don't really know what to do right now though, I'm so down I don't feel like I can function.

I did something I never do and called my Mom and discussed my feelings honestly and openly. Bad idea, she promptly told me to go to church (she knows I'm an atheist) and that I am lazy and that is why I am sad.

Partly she is right, my lack of motivate does cause big problems for me but right now at least I feel like that is being caused by this intense feeling of sadness and loss.

As for my paper I officially put a header on it and thats as far as I've gotten. I have to compare two texts, Benito Cereno and The Lynching of Jube Benson... if you know the two you'll understand that its the exact opposite kind of material that I should be reading to cheer me up. I really don't want to do it and in my current mood I really don't feel like I can do it well. I guess I just need to start typing.

I have almost just broken down and cried several times already tonight. Here goes nothing.

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 3/22/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
We have all been there, sometimes more often than not. Being connected while in a bad bought of depression is a difficult thing to find for me atleast. I also know that each time I feel like &^*#, some how I find a way to bring my self out of the pit and find the light again. Most time I do this by finding a way to serve others. It might be volunteering at the hospital, or making cookies and taking them to a neighbor, inviting an elderly person from church over for dinner, just something to help me know that I have something to offer. Good luck and hope you find the answers you are looking for.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12. Symptoms since age 5, RLS, Depression, Anxiety, and down right feel yucky some days.
Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 36 years.

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