Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 3/26/2009 8:38:59 AM (GMT-6)
I am sorry to hear of your situation with your daughter. I feel that you need to set down with your daughter and set up some guidelines and boundaries. Decide what part of the bills you are going to be responsible for and what she is responsible for if you are paying for things you do not feel should be your responsibility. I would get that in writing.
You stated you feel the apartment is your daughters...........so is it or is it yours together? You had to rely on her to sign the lease. So legally it is hers but what agreement did you put into place when you moved in together?
As for her affair, she is 19 and getting in the middle of this may not be wise. Certainly calling his wife would be a bad mistake IMHO. This is one case of she has made a choice and even thow it is most likely a bad one, she has to be responsible for her own actions.
Tough situation and I am sorry you have to deal with it.
Take care and know we care.
im not a mother, but i think that maybe if you take a step back and let your daughter continue this relationship, that it will eventually end in tears, and she will have learned a lesson she could only learn by making her own mistakes. thats where you come in- you can counsel and advise and hug her when she realises for herself, firsthand, what a terrible mistake she has made. Calling the wife may alienate your daughter from you and im sure you dont want that.
Im sorry i have no other advice except for when i was 19, i was living a lie. my parents stood back and let me make my own mistakes so i would learn for myself. it worked. they were right all along, but at 19, i wasnt going to let them know that secretly, they were right and i was wrong. that was nearly 10 years ago.
Good Morning Kerry,
I am glad you worked out some financial issues with your daughter. You have done well..........way to go.
I am sorry at your feelings of lonliness and sadness at the prospect of your daughter going out on her own. I suspect you are anticipating the empty nest syndrome.
We invest so much in our children and when they all go off on their own we find that we have not prepared ourselves. We may have thought perhaps we would enjoy the freedom of not having so much work and responsibility. Raniah is right in looking for ideas for you to enjoy you own life.
When my first one left home I thought I would be excited as now I would have only three but that was the year I had my first huge panic attack and depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I missed him and I did not relaize it.
Here I am many years later realizing how sad I was back then and I still miss him today as he joined the service at 18 and never moved back home or even back to our area. He is on the West Coast and we are in the Midwest.
As the other 3 grew up and left home it was not so traumatic as I was more aware of how I was going to feel and they all stayed within 30 minutes of us. However our second son was killed in a car crash in 1990 at the age of 21. That crippled me as now I had lost one to the west coast and one to death.
So I grab onto the joy I get from my 3 adult children and remember that I lived my life my way and they need to be allowed to live theirs. Am I happy, yes !
You see with adult children come the grandchildren and they are a whole new generation for us to love and care for.
I am posting a link to an article you may find helpful.
Take care and stick with us..........we are here for you.
We are here for you anytime and please do keep us posted and lean on us when you feel the need. We do not judge just share and support.
You will make it through, just one tiny step after the other.
Gentle Hugs to you,