Hey Stkitt or anyone else with any advice.

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Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/26/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I have ?. When my wife was emotional over me getting her flowers for her birthday you said that was good because it showed she was feeling. The other things I am taking as positive signs and I could be wrong is she is willing to do things like go places with me and my son. She even met me for lunch today. It is tough because she says she cant feel love for me and keeps reminding me that she doesnt know if she will ever feel love for me again. We went out for her birthday and on the long 2 hour drive home she actually held my hand . I dont know if it was from just an old habit or if deep down she feels a little bit for me and maybe doesnt know it. I am trying not to pressure her. It is hard because there is no real intimacy but she is worth the wait to me. She is still refering to things in us and we need to do or get so I am taking all this as positive. The other thing I have noticed is that she talks to my son about me in a positive way like you she see the shirt your da da ordered for you when she knows it is herself that found it and ordered it for him. And like I mentioned in my other post she even asked me to tell her my opinion on diffrent jeans she was looking to get herself. Still the rollercoaster of emotions is killing me . My wife is the most beautiful person I have ever known both inside and out and she told me I probably will get tired of her putting me through this and leave her. When I asked her if she wanted me to give up on her she said no . I know she was sincere because of the tone of her voice. Any one who has any advice on if what I am seeing is good or bad would be appreciated.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/26/2009 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Cowboy Up,

It feels to me like your wife cares deeply for you but the depression is confusing her as she most likely is having moments of feeling very sad. That makes her feel unworthy and useless and not a Person that could have feelings that are normal.

I know when I was at my lowest point and I was sad and cried alot my  daughter told me it was to hard to be around someone who was so sad as it brought her emotions down and she wants to be with happy people.  I was devestated and felt I should try to act happy while my heart was breaking.

I was convinced that nobody wanted to be around sad old depressed MOM.

Your wife is showing very positive signs that she will recover if she is willing to go out with you and to celebrate her birthday, she is taking care of your son and she is functioning  but she truly needs some therapy IMHO.

I am glad to hear you say you won't give up on her.

I wish you peace,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/26/2009 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cowboy,

I agree with Kitt.....I think these are positive signs that you've written here. And I do think, from a woman's perspective, that she is showing as much as she can right now that she cares for you. I also think (along with Kitt) that your wife could benefit greatly from talking to a therapist. It has made a world of difference for me, I can tell you that.

You and your wife are in my prayers. Please continue to post and let us know how things are going.

Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/27/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
She is still waiting for her call back for her appointment after the initial phone interview . Our insurance provider has us limited to who she can see. With her in school fulltime we are really limited with funds so we have to go through what is offered. I dont know how much the holding hands was intimate or habit because she was dosing off while we were driving,but she awoke to ask me if I wanted a diffrent cd on and reached to hold my hand again before going back to sleep. When I say it is a rollercoaster not just day to day,but hour to hour. I just try not to pressure because when her mood is bad it willdrive her deeper into it. I thank you all for the incouraging words because that is what gets me through it . We are taking the baby and going to a drive inn movie tonight. I think that her willingness to at least do things together is a positive sign, but like I said her mood changes like the weather.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/27/2009 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Cowboy,

Great responses from all.  I usually save this post until I think it may help family members understand where a person with depression is coming from. 

If you're the friend, relation or colleague of a depressed person, it can be very hard to understand exactly what's happening. To sum it up in one word, depression is Hell.

Depending on whether the sufferer is experiencing mild or major depression, the actual strength of the feelings will vary, but the principle is the same - a confusing maelstrom of powerful negative emotions makes everyday tasks seem pointless. The sufferer is permanently miserable, and although in many cases they'll realise that there's no logical reason for them to feel so low, there's very little they can do about it because the emotions in their head are so powerful.

Imagine going through day-to-day life, with nothing apparently wrong, but feeling as though every one of your closest relatives has suddenly died, leaving you totally alone. The experience often gets better in the late evening, but returns, just as strong, the following day. Quotes from depressed people compare the experience to;

  • a slow crawl through Hell
  • being a leaf in a strong wind
  • being trapped inside my own head
  • watching a film of my life
  • going through a dark grey shadow of life
  • looking over the suicide cliff
  • seeing the world through a plate of dark glass
  • being a kite in a hurricane - I dare not let go of the string

I see some very postives in your wife's going to school, going on outings with you and to the drive in.  This makes me feel like she would really benefit from therapy while she is still able to function.

I hope she is able to get that appointment.  I will be keeping you both in my prayers.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/29/2009 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I do think there is a lot of positive things that I can see. I found it intresting that things are better later in the day for depressed people. My wife is not a morning person to start. [I am] I just have tryed not to take it personally when she is snippy in the morning. Though it is great that she is able to go to school and function I think the overload of doing a 5 year program is a large part of her being depressed in the first place. You know a long period of stress without the body producing enough serontonin. The other thing I think is kind of positive is when we got her a new cell phone and she picked ringtones for it she got a seperate tone for calls from me and chose our wedding song.I would also think this is a positive thing.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/29/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Cowboy,

It's good to see the hope and positive light in your post. :-) You are right.....the situations where we have ongoing, long-term stress really weigh us down emotionally. I smiled when I read your comment about your wife picking your wedding song for the ring tone....I think this is very good! It's wonderful to see your continued love and devotion to her....a real inspiration. As always, I will continue to pray for you and your wife and her healing.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/29/2009 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Cowboy,

Happy Trails, I am so excited...........she picked your song from your wedding. That should make you feel really excited that she is with you but having a rough time.  Yes a 5 year program is very draining.  Do let her know it is OK to slow it down a bit.

I think the fact that she shows interest in things is very positive so you hang with it and keep on supporting her.

It is still important for you to keep your own persoanlity and if you are a morning person don't try to change........that is who you are.  Just give her space.

Hugs at you and smile.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


lespaul
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 3/29/2009 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Cowboy,

Wow!!! I also believe that her picking your wedding song as a ringtone is a very good sign! That shows that she is still thinking of your marriage as positive even though she can't express those feelings to you at the present time.  I'm also a morning person and my wife is not.  She needs her sleep. I think your right the stress of all their activitites, the stress of them trying to appear normal to their co-workers, friends and family and the stress of not really being able to get enough rest is what makes them so snippy toward their spouse. Point being, your wife is snippy in the AM which is the time when she is at her weakest and she can't deal with all the negative thoughts. My wife seems particularly snippy when she's getting off from working the night shift. I learned the hard way not to bring up relationship issues at that time. Now I just write her a note telling her that I hope she gets some good rest and that I love her. I have found that using a sheet of paper to write notes to each other seems to help her express her thoughts better. 

I pray that your wife will continue to make progress and I pray that you will stay strong and focus on our King of Glory, the Maker of Heaven and Earth as He directs your path.

Lespaul    


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/1/2009 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cowboy,

You and your wife are still in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things are going well for you. Please let us know, when you can, how things are going. We are all here to support you!

I hope you do not mind, but I have made reference to your thread when posting to another 'husband' whose wife is depressed. He is struggling and wondering how to cope. I thought the posts on your thread might help him.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cowboy,
How are you doing?  It is the first day of a new month and with the warmth of springtime I hope that your wife feels better everyday.
 
You are both in my prayers and let us hear from you.
 
Peace,
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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