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Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/30/2009 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Can't believe I've got to this stage but here I am.

Last year I quit an office job where I was being paid good money to pursue my dream of becoming a journalist. It started out as a hobby but turned into the one thing everyone told me I should purse so I did and enrolled in a qualification at the local college. Six months down the line I am now out of college and in debt because someone in the class decided they didn't like me and made a point of doing and saying a few nasty things. By the end of their little hate campaign I'd had enough and told him if he had a problem to sort it out with me. He then goes and claims I threatened him so I got suspended whilst they investigated his claim.

Three weeks down the line this person is still in college whilst his claim is being investigated but I was told not to come in until they had fully investigated. Today I got a letter effectively saying that they didn't feel it would be beneficial for me to be let back in. So basically, thanks for the £2,000 you paid to us for the year but we don't want you here. My defence wasn't even looked at, not for one second.

I have lost a further three weeks of my life where I could've had some form of backup plan if this happened. Now I have nothing. I have now given up on writing. This was my one and only chance. I can't afford to do it again. I can't spend years in and out of office jobs until I can afford to do it again. By that stage I will be 24. That is too late for me. I really couldn't afford to waste this year but it looks like it is now wasted. I quit a job for it because it was what I wanted to do and now all that's been thrown back in my face.

I honestly want to . Writing and football were the only thing I have ever wanted in my life and since I started college they have become a parcel instead of individual interests. I wanted it so badly that I have worked and studied for 22 hours every day for the past three months, lost weight cos I have worked so hard but that didn't prove that I wanted it that badly to the powers that be who trampled on all my hard work and determination with a cheap letter.

Tonight I had a nervous breakdown with everything that has happened and now I want to turn my back on everyone and everything and just  myself. The only person who could help me through something like this was my best friend who was more like a big brother to me but he died two years ago so I think I'd be better off . All I'm doing now is staying alive to stop other people feeling bad about themselves, namely my family. This was all I had and all I wanted and it's gone. That's it for me now.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/30/2009 9:13:58 PM (GMT-6)


ADDwoman
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/30/2009 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry about all that you are going through. Just know that others have been where you are and have come out on the other side and get past the pain with help; please call a hotline ASAP or tell a friend or family member so they can help you.

You don't need to go through this alone...please hang in there and look to others here and elsewhere for support.
~ADDwoman
Early 40s, ADD(no H), SAD/depression/anxiety (tired, little energy, difficulty focusing and starting/completing tasks)


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/30/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
My friends just don't care. My family only make it worse. They all say they know how much it meant to me but they have no idea. I honestly don't think any hotline will be able to help me this time round. I've tried them in the past and they haven't helped me.

Post Edited (Wasted-Potential) : 3/30/2009 7:50:58 PM (GMT-6)


ADDwoman
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/30/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like you need a referral to to the right professional ASAP...experts specialize in getting people out of this state, and sometimes it just takes the right person with the right approach to help break through the feelings of hopelessness.

It sounds like your family does care but sometimes it can be hard for others to understand unless they have been there; that's why the experts are so important...

Doctors specialize in depression because they know they can help people get to the other side; that's why they do what they do.
~ADDwoman
Early 40s, ADD(no H), SAD/depression/anxiety (tired, little energy, difficulty focusing and starting/completing tasks)


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/30/2009 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately there is no other side to this. It really was win or bust for me with this course but I didn't even get a chance to prove myself. Doing it at a later stage isn't an option. It had to be this year or never. Got my answer well and truly today. The college also suggested I go to a counsellor to work round the problem of my working hours. After two sessions the person I went to see told me that there was no more they could do. Game over.

Post Edited (Wasted-Potential) : 3/30/2009 9:11:03 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 3/30/2009 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wasted,

 

Here are some resources that might be of help to you at this time.

 

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com

I hope that this helps you.  I am sorry for what you are going through right now.  You may have to accept that the path your life was taking has changed and do the best with what you can do at this point.  Find something else that you would like to do with your life.  Keep living and live in the moment. 

Keep posting as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

<!-- Edit -->
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/30/2009 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
getting by said...
You may have to accept that the path your life was taking has changed and do the best with what you can do at this point. Find something else that you would like to do with your life. Keep living and live in the moment.


Thanks for the words of advice but as someone once said, "when you grow up in Liverpool, football is all you have". I have looked at other things but short of dead-end office jobs there really isn't anything else I can do. The only thing I ever wanted to do with my life was watch and write about football. Now I've lost that I really don't want to consider anything else because I would be lying to myself if I even tried to convince myself that I was good at anything else. I looked at every option in the past and this really was the only thing I was ever good at and I don't want to do anything other than that.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/30/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Wasted,

What you went through is a horrible thing. You were treated very unfairly, and it seems like your dream was shattered by some very cruel circumstances. It is evident that you are in a place right now, mentally and emotionally, where you do not see any options for yourself. I sense from your posts that you may not believe me when I say this, but I will say it to you anyways: It is NEVER too late to change your circumstances. Believe me, Wasted, I have been in that dark and desperate place, after having my own plans for a career and a future destroyed when I was not much older than you are now. I could see no way out at that time. I completely isolated myself and wished for.....well, you know what I wished for. And I eventually became so overwhelmed with pain that I couldn't take it anymore. Somehow, I found the strength to talk to someone at my doctor's office and I asked if there was any way I would survive this. I was able to get some help, and I hope very much that you will, too. Your name belies the true person you are.....in other words, you are not, in fact, Wasted Potential. You do have potential and great worth as a human being, and I think the fact that you posted here means that somewhere inside you, you do want to find some help. Please reach out for it. It is NEVER too late.

Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/31/2009 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I decided today that if I have lost everything that I might as well tell my classmates what I think about their cowardly behaviour that let another student bully me unchallenged. They did not like it and will me an outcast if I go back. The college have not given me any indication of this. They have said they will send work after I have begged for some sort of explanation over the situation. It's taken them three weeks to do this. Three weeks of sleepless nights, suppressed appetite and shot nerves. I don't want to see a doctor. I've spent most of my life visiting doctors surgeries for this problem or that. I'm taking about 5 tablets every morning for other problems and the last thing I need is more tablets to pile on top of the ones I have to take for my bones, my skin and everything else. I have still given up because I wanted to make a success of this and even if I went back I won't be able to. I've missed out on too much and I am not fit, physically and mentally, to play catchup after all these setbacks. All I wanted was an even chance like everyone else but I wasn't given that.
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