My wife and I have been married 9 years and have two children 6 and 8 and my 18 year old son has always lived with us. My wife has suffered from depression, but I thought she/we have been dealing with it well.
At the end of last year she had a major bout of depression and took 3 months off work, and went into an intensive 4 day a week all day program. Towards the end of her leave and her program I stumbled across a draft email she had set up to an old male friend. I approached her about it and she admitted to “cheating in her heart”. I guess she was having an emotional affair. Nothing physical happened, he lives 300 miles away and is married as well. I am not sure how much this has to do with our current condition but it did open the door for her to say she doesn’t want to be married anymore.
She has remained in counseling and I have gotten into some as well to help with some other minor problems. I also talked to a pastor to get some advice on saving our marriage. I really have turned things around. I’ve been putting a lot more into our relationship and the children. She has noticed and I really thought things were turning around. We were having sex a lot more then we ever had. We were touching and cuddling more. I made it a point to tell her how much I loved her more often. Just 2 weeks ago she said she loved me, not in word but in a breath. That deep exhale with words mixed in that comes from the heart not the lungs. Just last week she had to go out of town for 2 days, when she got back the kids and I met her at the door. We kissed so passionately we would have made love right there if not for the kids, we did after they went to bed.
So I thought things were going well, until Sunday night. I just asked if everything was ok, that she seemed a little distant. She replied she didn’t want to be married, not just to me but to anybody. She says she loves me and I am a good person, and dad, and husband, and that she doesn’t want to hurt me.
I want to save my marriage. I love my wife more then anything and am willing to put whatever it takes into our relationship. We don’t have any social life, no friends or family close by, so getting alone time is difficult or impossible. Sorry this is so lengthy but I wanted to give as much info as I reasonably could.
Any thought, suggestions, comments?
I'm glad you came to post here again. I've been thinking about you and your wife, and praying for you in your situation.
Sorry to hear that your wife is still on a waiting list for a counselor. I know it must be frustrating for both of you, especially since she is aware of her depression and eager to seek help. You are right in trying not to take things personally, with respect to her reactions, and I know that must be difficult at times, when you love her so much and want so much to help her through this.
Your story of the missionary, and in particular, the descriptions of your definition of love and how you are applying that to your marriage, have really moved me. God is guiding you through this.....there is not a shadow of doubt in my mind.
I wish you and your wife the very best, as you continue on your path together. Thank you for coming and posting about your situation. Your post has inspired me deeply.