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Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/31/2009 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't want to go into why I have got to this stage because I've covered that in another thread on here.

Basically I have reached the end of my tether. I have been pushed further than I can go. I have been to doctors, counsellors, the works but I have ended up here because there is nothing to carry on for anymore. I have been having unnatural thoughts about my life. I have spoken to people about it but it seems like they do not realise how serious I am feeling. I have got to the point where I just want to destroy everything about my life seeing as it has been destroyed already. I cannot take another day of being laughed at in the street like some circus freak and being mistreated severely for wanting to better my life. I've had enough and it seems that nobody realises this no matter how much I tell them. I feel that enough is enough. I did not sign up for this when I was born and I should not have had to endure even half the things I've had to deal with. I don't believe the 'it makes you stronger' crap. Show me where in the life manual that that's true. I have accepted that my life has been wasted and as far as I'm concerned there is nothing more I or anyone else can do.

Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/31/2009 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm all for overcoming setbacks but how can you get back the time, sleep and health I have lost because of this? How do I get back the thousands of pounds of debt I am currently in because of this dream? How do I get back the year I have lost following my dream that I could not afford to waste? How do I get back the one and only opportunity that was snatched away from me? I know it's a lot of questions but no one else seems to have the answers so I guess it can't hurt to ask here

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18743
   Posted 3/31/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   

to w. potential.

you are a unique individual, you have talents that only you possess. i too fell into a similar hole, and just as bloody dark. i say to people, have u hit rock bottom, reply, yes, then i say why dig any deeper. i send u light, love and compassion. i hope you notice that i have responded to your name as w. potential, no life is a waste, especially yours my friend. the longer you stay in the darkness the longer it takes to see the light. my light is a beacon to you-i have emerged from the darkness, the beacon is bright, yet like life it flickers a bit to.

thanx for posting, stay strong, we are here 4 u. blessings jamiee.

 
iddm, major depression, severe borderline personality disorder, massive water work prob's, stuffed back, diabetic nuropathy, (feet) hormone deficency, and some bits and peices.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wasted,

You have gotten some very good advice, I think you can make it through this. One day at a time and live in the moment. You can do this, I know that you can. This is just a bump in the road of life. Keep trying, never give up. and remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/1/2009 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
W.P......I'm one of those who posted to you on your other thread. I know you're hurting so much, but please take heed of the advice you've been given here, and at least consider it as the day goes on. I think Frances has given a really good example of how it IS possible to move forward again once you have gathered some strength. I'm still wishing you the best, and I truly mean that. Please don't give up.

And to Frances....thank you so much for sharing your story here. I realize this is for W.P.'s benefit, but I had to let you know how much it also helped and inspired me.

Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
The worst part of all this is that I have lost the one person who meant the world to me - my girlfriend. We were in a long-distance relationship and I've made things really difficult for her. She doesn't think that we will work out now and that's an even bigger kick down cos I know if things hadn't screwed up that I wouldn't have been so distant with her. It's hard enough being in a relationship with someone on the other side of the world without them not being consistent with their feelings and I know that I have put her through absolute hell these past few weeks. I wish I could turn back the clock and fix things, with her at least.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello Wasted-Potential

You cannot get back the past but you can move forward.  I have read the posts here that the members have left for you and wow. They are truly caring and supportive people who have given you great advice. They have shown you deep empathy. 

I think perhaps one of the best things you have done is join HealingWell as you can talk to us and we understand.

We know where your coming from and what you going through.

Keep putting one step in front of the other and set small goals for yourself.  You can make it through the tough times as I think you  have the desire but perhaps are just a bit stuck right now.

Yesterday is gone forever, tomorrow is not yet here and Today is really all we ever have. We may have the memories of yesterday but it is over and so we do not need to continue to live in it. Well tomorrow is not here so it might be nice to set goals for tomorrow, or dream of what we would like it to be, but again it is not here yet so we can not live in it until it gets here. So we can only live in the here and now of Today. What a wonderful gift. ~AA ~

You have my support.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 4/1/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
W. Potential,

Just wanted to let you know I'm here rooting for you, being a cheerleader to your healing. Go, go Potential. (I've changed your name also, you're now wonderful potential)

I believe you are stronger than you think, and you can make it through this and become a better you!

Like others here, I look forward to more posts, and I hope and pray that little by little they become a bit more positive as you heal.

Hang in there, and keep us updated.
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/1/2009 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi frances

Unfortunately the course is not coursework orientated. It is about exams and lesson time is very integral as a lot is covered in these lessons with stuff like shorthand which can't be self taught. I am already falling behind as it is because I am due to take my first set of exams at the end of this month. I should've taken them in January with everyone else but there was a problem with me doing it because I had to use a laptop to write out my answers because of my dyspraxia so I will have to do all the work again this month and then play catchup for the exams in June.

There was a rumour circulating around the class that the college were going to invite me back in September to repeat the year but I really do think that it was just a rumour because three weeks on I've heard nothing and I'm pretty certain that they will be slamming the door in my face and taking the money I invested in the course with them. It was a straight-forward investigation into a disciplinary matter. It doesn't take this long to come to a decision.

Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/1/2009 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I have asked them repeatedly by phone and email to let me know what is happening because I am being driven up the wall by not knowing what to do. I don't think they will allow me back so I am prepared for the inevitable. I just can't accept it because I wasn't given a fair chance

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18743
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   

to a world of potential.

2000-2001 i was at uni as a mature age student, due to depression and psychosis at tutes and lectures i went down hill also. better to have the credits for what i passed-alot of not finalised and non passes- i was given a year off, could not handle it, crap uni aint cheap, when i go back into employment i too will have to pay. 8 yrs later i am back at school, cert4 level, and coping. still owe heaps.

keep fighting, am encouraged by your honesty. i care, we care. in oz we have a saying, a problem shared is a problem halved. you are on the right track!!!

jamiee. wink


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/2/2009 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't got the strength to fight for it right now. The college and this person with his little hate campaign have knocked it out of me. If they tell me not to come back then I'm at a complete loose end because I'm in massive debt because of it. I couldn't get a student loan so I had to get one from the bank and they're wanting their money back asap. My confidence and nerves are shot to pieces. If they close the door on me I really will have to settle for a life of office jobs. This really was my one and only chance and it looks like it's been blown. I am totally destroyed.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 4/2/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi WP,

Please don't think of this as the end of everything. There will be something good happening in your life soon. Things will be better. You just have to learn to think differently. It will happen.

Try to keep your chin up through this. They may have messed this up for you, though you don't know that for sure. But if it is the case something else will come along. I am positive of this. Our lives take strange turns. Often one door closing opens another. Try not to be in dispair.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/2/2009 7:26 AM (GMT -7)   
My questions continue to be met with silence by the college. They are the ones who have messed this up yet I am the one who continues to suffer through this. I don't even know whether or not to start looking for work or not. I sent them an email just now demanding a simple yes or no answer whether or not I should delude myself with this career path or not. I doubt I'll get a response because it already appears that this suffering is going to be prolonged for a further two weeks as they have decided not to deal with it before the Easter break. I was told it would all be resolved yet four weeks down the line my position is not clearer. I've lost time, money, sleep, weight and a relationship that had more love than anyone else could give me. I really am on edge. I've tried speaking to the Samaritans but they can't help. I've consulted online counselling site but that hasn't given me much to work with. My frustrations have boiled over and I have turned into a destructive person. I've destroyed some of my most prized possessions - things I've had for years that will never be replaced or repaired. I just destroyed them all because I don't see the point in having anything good in my life because others will just take it away from me. I am literally at breaking point now. All has been lost and nothing can repair it. I'm still having those unnatural thoughts and I can honestly see myself acting upon them if this uncertainty continues to hang over my head any longer.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 4/2/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -7)   
WP,

You are ready to boil over. I think you need to get a grip on things. I know that not knowing answers to your questions is driving you crazy, but you honestly need to try to get this out of your mind for now. Especially when you can't do anything about it at this time. There is no sense in being miserable at the present. Try to relax and make the best of what you have at this moment. Be in the now. Dwelling on this is only making things worse. And it is useless energy spent.

I wish that I could explain how important it is to live in the moment and put these disturbing thoughts out of your mind. You really don't have to think about it. You know that the situation exists, and you have no power at this time to get answers. So try to be happy with what is surrounding you. I can feel the frustration in your post. That is a normal reaction, but leave it behind you for the moment and try to enjoy what you do have.

I truly hope that you will be able to get back into your classes, but if you can't you have other options, you just can't see them at this time due to your frustration.

And what good did it do to destroy your most cherrished items? None. It just made you feel worse I am sure. We tend to hurt ourselves for situations that we can't control, so just try to control the environment around you. And try to be happy. I know that sounds stupid, but it can be done with the power of thought.

I am thinking about you and hoping that things work out for the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/2/2009 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
The problem is that I have nothing. I gave up everything to do this course so I can't be happy with what I have because I literally have nothing. The only options I have available to me are looking for work in office jobs. I can't even apply for them because these people are toying with my future like it is nothing. I have given everything because it is the only thing I have ever been good at and wanted, and it has been snatched away from me without me even being given a chance. I have wasted four weeks of my life being strung along. If they just told me a straight yes or no then I could decide what to do next but I am honestly not sure what is happening. I don't know whether to carry on pursuing this corpse of a career or whether to sign on now. I can't do either until I know.

Destroying my cherished items needed to be done because they are no good to me. I can't have football without writing and vice versa. The two have become intertwined now and they can't be separated. I can't just switch one off and not the other. That's why I destroyed them, because they are no good to me. Because of this I have had to sell my season ticket which I have had for 14 years because I have no other source of income. I literally have nothing because I was forced to give up the last few things I had in my life. I literally have no one or nothing to keep going for.

How can I be happy when I have sacrificed so much and lost everything? I literally spend every day awake until all hours, I can hardly eat and when I do I just bring it back up. No matter how much I want to block it out of my mind I can't because it's always there to remind me. When I wake up at whatever time, I'm reminded how I can't start looking for work or resume my education. I'm reminded when I see people working and going to university. I'm reminded constantly of what I have lost because of this. Twelve months ago I had a job and a comfortable and secure life. I don't have any of that now so what have I got?

Post Edited (Wasted-Potential) : 4/2/2009 10:14:57 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 4/2/2009 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
You have you. That is most important. You are dwelling, that needs to stop. Could you take a walk somewhere that isn't around the university? Just try to do something different. Something that you don't usually do to get you off of the beaten track.

I am sorry that you are suffering so, but am glad that you are coming here to vent. It is important. I hope that you get an answer soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/2/2009 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I can't really do much apart from dwell and wait. There is nothing I can do to occupy my mind until I find out. I have no money, nothing to look forward to, nothing to work towards, literally nothing. A year ago I had a job and was earning money and was happy with life because I had things to look forward to. I don't have them any more. I've had to give them up because of all this. The worst thing about it is the person who has done this to me will carry on as normal. He won't be having sleepless nights, he's not losing weight and struggling to eat. He's still got that thing he was working towards. I haven't anymore. I can't even keep going for myself, let alone others, so what hope do I have?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 4/2/2009 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
You will find hope to survive. That is a natural response. It may take some time, but it will happen.

Best wishes my friend,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wasted-Potential
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/2/2009 5:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to tell you this guys but I really think the game's up for me now on all fronts. The career is well and truly dead in the water after week four of being kept in the dark and my now ex-girlfriend has told me that she never wants to see me ever again because of what happened yesterday when I was at my lowest point and how much she hates me and can't stand the sight of me. I had some fight left in me before she said those things but when those words come from the only person who has stood by you and loved you more than anyone else ever will it shatters you completely and those pieces can't be put back together. If she had said it in anger then I would've put it down to heat of the moment but she said it very calmly and she seemed deadly serious. I literally have no fight left in me now guys. One or two setbacks I could deal with but not this many. This is one hole I don't think I'll be able to climb out of.

Post Edited (Wasted-Potential) : 4/2/2009 8:27:39 PM (GMT-6)

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